To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

[sgtz]

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

If you don't go to the meal the £50 you have already paid will just go into a drinks kitty for them or will be used to part pay the bill .
I would go but absolutely buy your own drinks.

Similar experience here. I served a long notice period before redundancy in the New Year. It got to 5pm on the last day. I turned my PC off and that was that. I was there nearly 25 years.

I got a virtual card, and donations - not organised by management I add but a colleague. Which was nice. But it was odd as most of the people who gave a donation and signed the card were people I'd only had minor contact with over the years. The colleagues I had known 15, 20 years? Nowt.

I can only assume the attitude is, well, they got a redundancy payout what more do they want? You quickly become dead to people and forgotten about.

OP. I'm going to go against the grain here and say you should definitely go to the meal.

At the moment, you are feeling hurt and overlooked, but you don't know why they did this.
Also, its only the person who organised it ( and you only think you know who that was) who has let you down. (and who knows what was going on in their life at the time? )
I very very much doubt that they all got together and decided to deliberately snub you and make you feel bad. The others might not have been at fault. They may not have even been approached with the card, but would have signed it etc if they'd been asked, so its not like they all ignored you. They may also have thought afterwards that it was a poor show and had expected that someone had organised something. It could be there's one person who couldn't be bothered, but by not going you would be snubbing other people who might have been looking forward to seeing you and making it up to you.

I say this because similar happened to me and about a year later - a colleague I wasn't particularly close to came and apologise and said he thought it was a particularly bad show, and that he'd always enjoyed working with me and I was missed. I was so touched he'd taken the trouble and so relieved.

If you go, You may find that most are really keen and pleased to see you. Wouldn't that be nice?

I agree with a ppp who said maybe they thought they'd see you at the meal and have more time to wish you a fonder farewell. And it occurs to me that is why they kept reminding you about the drinks .... as a "subtle" way of making sure you were still coming.

So although its tempting to bow out and show your displeasure by not turning up, you did say that you were looking forward to it before all this. I would go and then at least you will find out one way or another what was really going on. You may be pleasantly surprised and that will have been so worth it. You can always leave early if you are not - and I don't think its beneath your dignity to do that. Its better to know the truth.

Otherwise you will walk around with this hurt for a long time, and it might be that you don't even have to. I'd say going to the meal is worth the risk. Good luck

It sounds like a combination of things. Lack of organisation - there was an article in The Times recently on office housekeeping, tasks that have been predominantly done by women in the past, and leaving celebrations / gifts come under this category. Lack of input from you - did you book somewhere for a leaving lunch or area in the local pub for some after work leaving drinks? If you have properly left the organisation for a new job, rather than retired or on maternity leave, I’m not sure it is worth attending the Christmas lunch given how you feel - onwards and upwards!

@TheThingIsYeah

Yes it's strange isn't it ? Whenever I have left a workplace oddly it's the people I felt I had a connection with and got on with have snubbed me . The people I barely knew or didn't like have been friendly and chatty when I've bumped into them . If I leave a workplace now I just draw a line under it . In fact I think if you don't think about a workplace much after you have left then it's a good thing . The only ones I remember are the ones I had bad experiences in . I've known people work in a place 30 + years but as soon as they leave it's like they no longer exist . No one talks about them . I never go the extra mile for a company got this reason . It's just where I work.

You might just have been unlucky that people were away or especially busy at the time and it didn’t come together.

I’ve been in a similar position where someone had barely been in the team (2 months?) and they got a gift and card on leaving. On my last day I saw people handing around a card and thought it must be for me leaving. Next thing someone gives me the card to sign as it was someone’s birthday or such like the following week. In the end I got nothing. It made me feel sad and like you question things.

One of the directors I worked with until earlier this year was superb at marking those important moments with everyone gathered round for a thoughtful, personalised, speech - even going back to someone’s very first staff report from 40 years ago. Drinks, gifts, memory books, photos, - contributions from people on multiple sites and contacting people who knew the person leaving who may have retired to come back and join us. Lots of people talk about people being our most important resource, but when an organisation lets someone walk out after years of service with no appreciation or thanks - then you really know their real values.

I have been in a similar situation several times. Was made redundant from a job I had been doing for nearly 10 yes during COVID and all a got the as a "best wishes" from the receptionist I handed my laptop to on my last day.

Also had similar when COVID has not been an excuse.

On the flip side, I have been treated well when I have left teams after less than a year.

I would try to ignore.

Don’t say anything to the organiser about the card, it will just make you look ungrateful. I left a job id been at for 2 years and was surprised and overwhelmed by the leaving vouchers etc as I hadn’t been there that long or physically in front of people much. On going for maternity with the newer company 10 years later where a lot of the office staff I saw daily, often expressed interest in my pregnancy etc, the leaving gift was about £20 worth and seemed like an after thought. I was grateful to receive it but I reasoned that the apparent length, depth and closeness of work relationships have has no correlation to any presents.
I wouldn’t bother with the work meal incase you blurt something out about your disappointment. Just move on professionally.

Omg
This

Why would you put yourself through that? It’s £50. It’s spent now so doesn’t make a difference if you go or not. I absolutely would not!

This happened to me when I had my baby -
close team over 5 years. Booked a table to
accomodate everyone at lunch &
one person turned up. I was so upset and the realisation hit me these were work people nothing more nothing less and I had let myself believe they were friends. Sorry OP just bow out now

I wouldn't be in the slightest bit bothered. I worked at one place in a fairly senior role for a decade and no fuss was made when I left. Work and careers are something you do to provide you with income to do what you want with the rest of your life. If your life is work then you may want to reassess you priorities. I earn a big 6 figure salary but consider work as no more than a temporary arrangement to allow me to live my life as I like. The people there are transient acquaintances.

Could it be due to the time of year. People might be under pressure financially with christmas. My husband just finished up today in a company he'd been working in for ten years. He got a goodbye.

This happened to me- one girl went off on maternity leave, huge kerfuffle about arranging a collection, gifts, cards the whole lot. I went on maternity leave two months later and didn't even get a card.
Miserable wankers. Handed in my notice right at the very end of my leave (with a week before my return) and never went back!

YANBU to feel upset about it OP x

Is it likely that they have planned something you at the Christmas meal though?

A memento? She worked there for 2 years. I had a paper round longer than that.

That's discouraging; I don't blame you for being sad, OP.

Had a similar situation. In late August I had to move 250 miles to live with my sister, who has stage 4 breast cancer and had fallen on the stairs, shattering her ankle. She needed surgery, was in a non-weight-bearing cast, etc etc. I was thre for seven weeks, had to make all meals, do all shopping, take care of her pets (one of whom was ill and died when i was there after racking up a four-figure vet bill, which i paid), yard work, cleaning, laundry, etc. in addition to working full time.

As luck would have it we are on deadline with a big project at work so i couldn't slack off or take annual leave. Meanwhile I was paying a house sitter here to check my home, take in the post, feed the birds in the garden, etc. so that was an added expense.

Fortunately I can do my work remotely and was in frequent contact with my team (about 7 people, all peers except for our director, all longtime employees; I'm the longest and also the oldest by at least 15 years; I'm 60).

I got one "give my best to your sister" from the director and otherwise it was business as usual.

Last week one of the other colleague's husband had surgery for a recurrence of cancer. Everyone sprang into action, wanting to volunteer to do their yard work, house cleaning, child care, etc. and organizing meal vouchers, even cash for a house cleaner. They are planning a spa day for co-worker and other support. All of which is great but I couldn't help privately comparing and contrasting. Not that I'd ever raise the issue.

By any chance would they be planning of getting you something and giving it the night of the Xmas do.

That’s a bit sad, can see why you feel disappointed.

From the other side, I organize collections for our team because no other fucker will ever do it and I always end up out of pocket! I’m about £60 down on the last 2 collections because I think you need to give something half decent. It’s really hard persuading people to give money and unless you are really bossy about it, you actually don’t collect much and it is always the same people that give money!

I would pull out of the meal.

It doesn’t sound like they’ve put any thought in to it but the ‘too busy’ to say goodbye is really crap.

Maybe they are planning something for your Xmas dinner?

YANBU to feel upset about it. Workplaces can be awful for the discrepancies in how different people are treated when they leave.

I worked for a company for 11 years and decided not to come back after Mat Leave and I received a goodbye card in the post, only signed by about 7 people, 3 of whom had joined since I was on leave and had never met or heard of. I had worked closely for years with dozens of people in the large office but there was no other signatures. I always got on well with everyone, wasn’t the office cow, worked hard and was conscientious, and really felt quite hurt. Many a temp (like for only 3 months) always got a collection and was given wine, flowers, chocolates and a card yet I only got a card signed by almost no one. It stings.

This reminds me of when I left a job in the early 90s. It was a department of 32 when I started and people used to put £1 into collections. By the time I left, the (then) recession had reduced the department to 7 and I was indeed handed 7 pound coins on my last day 😂 Not even enough to buy much more than a drink.

I'd been there six years and yes it did leave a sour taste so YANBU OP.

@SWSO just thinking about what you’re are saying about it being the ones you feel closest to who do least when leaving and vice versa. I wonder if it’s because people we are amicable with but not ‘close to’ (in a work sense) don’t have any bad feelings towards someone leaving whereas people we are closer with might feel a bit more snubbed due to someone moving onto bigger and better things. Someone else mentioned a slight feeling of jealousy when someone leaves which I think rings true.

Also if there are people you’re closer to and see out of work it’s less of a goodbye really?

In the OPs case I’m not sure what’s gone on. The phrase ‘if they wanted to, they would’ comes to mind.