I have quite strong views on prostitution

[Tonight1]

Not at all about the women, just that I would not want to date a habitual user! Or punter as they're called. And yes this came up recently.

This is discussion about how you would feel about it?

AIBU - wouldn't mind
YANBU - would mind

Not on board with the posters who say their neurodivergent friends need to use prostitutes for sex. Neurodivergency does not excuse people from learning about consent. It's not cute or ok or pitiful or whatever, to decide that some people (men) just have a different understanding and therefore can use a woman's body.

Thank you for articulating what autistic me struggled to articulate.

It isn’t about how much someone “needs” (wants) sex. It’s about how you [the punter] view those that are selling it

And we know how punters think of women.

I can think of nothing worse than having sex with someone that doesn’t genuinely want sex with me.

I feel sick at just the idea of having sex with someone who doesn't want it.

The male entitlement is not to do with men being able to access sex less easily than women, it’s a societal view or men feeling entitled to sex no matter what that women just don’t have.

When we give approval to prostitution as a phenomenon, we give approval to this male entitlement. And this has got nothing to do with hating prostituted women. At all.

I'm autistic and I second this 100%. Do not use my recognised diagnosed disability as a figleaf for male entitlement.

Men have always pumped and dumped. They've denied paternity and accused the woman of promiscuity to say "that could be any man in the village's baby" for millenia.

Pumping and dumping is another aspect of male entitlement, it goes with rape, punting, porn use, and all the other ways that men use us.

Abortion gives the woman an option other than be left holding the baby.

refuse to accept the baby as a separate individual

No individual has the right to use another individual's body for life support.

a result of a woman opening her legs freely

1. A result of a man spunking into a woman freely.
2. A child isn't a punishment for women who have sex
3. Ever heard of sexual coercion? Lovebombing? All the abuser tactics men use to get what they want? Men trick women into sex with false love declarations. She shouldn't be left with a baby just because she trusted him.
4. Autistic women and girls are around three times more likely to be sexually abused than our neurotypical counterparts. We are vulnerable to this because we misinterpret social cues, think "I thought 'coffee' meant actual coffee, the drink" situations. We don't deserve to be left holding the baby afterwards.

Vito the quote function is failing me on my phone for some reason.

I often think that I’m not good at getting across what I mean to say so I’m glad that it seems I articulated myself well, thank you!

Yes, the only thing I can ever come back to is how I would feel having sex with someone who didn’t enthusiastically consent and it turns my stomach. I couldn’t be even slightly turned on. I occasionally used the find myself with slight sympathy towards some punters when I was a prostitute because I could get on reasonably well with them but I would always come back to that point. It just isn’t normal to be ok having sex with a person that you know isn’t really into it. Or it shouldn’t be normal.

It's difficult for me to imagine what kind of woman would be willing to date a man who saw prostitutes.

I don't have much sympathy for the 'can't find a date so must resort to paying' argument, either. People won't die from lack of sex. A little self-respect goes a long way.

1. Are you familiar with the phrase "cutting off your nose to spite your face"? Keeping a baby that I don't even want is putting myself through a lifetime of parenting that I do not want to do for the sake of "not letting a man off the hook". It's going to hurt me a lot lot lot more than it will hurt him.
2. Having the baby won't keep him on the hook anyway. The Relationships and Legal boards are full of threads from single mothers whose sperm donors (I will not call these men "fathers" because they don't act like fathers) won't pay child support, are self-employed and feign lower earnings than they actually get to underpay, or simply leave the country.

Again, I ask how you would have coped if abortion had been illegal when you were "working", had a punter made you pregnant.

And I remind you that Autistic women and girls are around three times more likely to be sexually abused than our neurotypical counterparts. We are vulnerable to this because we misinterpret social cues, think "I thought 'coffee' meant actual coffee, the drink" situations. We don't deserve to be left holding the baby afterwards.

There have been three occasions in my life when a man or boy has sexually touched me without consent. Two of those occasions were rapes. One was without a condom, and for years I told myself that it wasn't "really" rape because I'd gone to his room with him to see and play his guitars. You know I said that men trick women? He tricked me into thinking he had innocent intentions and because I'm autistic I fell for it.

What women call "sex" isn't always consensual. It's not as easy as "don't have sex then", because we don't always get a choice about it.

Lol at “don’t spread your legs” if you don’t want to get pregnant and also discussing prostitution as totally a woman’s choice. Be serious now.

darling you've just proved the point why autistic men should see sex workers

WTF are you on about?

I see that the forced birther is also disablist. There is no block on Mumsnet.

You haven't explained your accusation that I have somehow demonstrated that disabled men should be allowed to pay for sex. I maintain that your accusation is absurd.

Other posters: please don't report the ableist post. I want it to stand as evidence of how anti-choicers really think of autistic people.

torettsticks your views make no sense is what I’m saying. If you think it’s ok for a woman to choose to be a prostitute then you can’t also say closing your legs is an acceptable option instead of abortion. What are those pregnant prostitutes supposed to do? Chase multiple men they don’t know the real identities of to pay child support when they don’t even know which of those men got them pregnant? Because you think the alternative is to let men off the hook? No man is on the hook in that scenario and you know it.

I was a prostitute. I knew pregnant prostitutes. It was way more dangerous for them than non-pregnant prostitutes. I presume you also saw this yourself?

If it’s a choice to be a prostitute then where is the issue in there being a choice to have an abortion? I’ve made both choices. One matters not a jot to me and one concerns me all the time in terms of how people will view me. Guess which is which?

But I’ve seen you try to argue that all women should be covered up so I’m not entirely convinced you have the experiences you claim to have.

There is no one as hateful of children as those who would see a woman forced by the State to continue her pregnancy in order to punish her for having sex. Babies are people, not punishments.

You still haven't explained your accusation that I have somehow demonstrated that disabled men should be allowed to pay for sex. I maintain that your accusation is absurd.

God no.
YANBU.