To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

Right, I did read this. But I also read that the dad had gone out at the mealtime, despite it normally being his job to sort food, and then dad tried to dictate how someone else managed dinner in his absence.

I was thinking that to be honest - we have adhd in our family and you'd be surprised how unmotivated people can be with this sort of stuff even when the kids are hungry they will not be bothered to eat if it means they have to do X and X! Doesn't mean though that this doesn't need sorting for your daughter. Next time suggest you get the plate together - there might be un unthought of reason for her hesitation.

What a depressing thread. Poor Op's daughter, not eating a slice of heated up frozen pizza is the least of her problems. OP sounds like a disengaged parent who is on some sort of bizarre proving a point path with her dd. The future does not look bright for this girl, she's already vulnerable and will be looking for love, affection and validation outside of the home. I hope her dad supports her and parnets her in a kind and warm way. Poor, poor girl.

Yes, it is harder to detect autism in girls. As soon as you mentioned struggles with hair brushing and a tidy room, I thought of autism.

Just skimmed your other threads. You really hate your daughters, both of them. But not your sons. Why be so sexist towards your own children?

Everyone put their pizza on their own plate...

00100001 · Today 09:59

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 09:35

Why would you put your dinner on a plate and not your daughter’s. Surely whoever is cooking does that?

Everyone put their pizza on their own plate...

When I was feeding my kids, I put their food on a plate. Do you expect them to plate their Sunday roast, too? Bizarre.

What is she saying about her dds? 😔

@MrsSkylerWhite I somehow doubt the op makes roast dinner and lovingly gathers her family round the table.

Shame on the posters validating a neglectful and possibly abusive parent.

She's 10 years old! I get when people are annoyed that their adult children still live at home and expect to be catered to etc. but applying this to your 10 year old child is just too much. And to then not care that she didn't eat at all! I just couldn't do this to my kids, and they're a lot older than your DD. Yes, they need to learn life skills etc but for goodness sake what about your parental responsibilities?!

Are you seriously saying that you haven't attempted to have a conversation with your 10-year-old, at any point, about the fact that she would rather not eat than put a slice of pizza on to a plate? You haven't asked her what the problem is or discussed why she is able to do other normal things for herself, but not this? It genuinely didn't occur to you to say 'OK, DD, I think we should have a chat about dinner, because you didn't eat anything and I'm wondering why you didn't feel able to get yourself a plate?'

All the debate about whether you should put a child's food on a plate for them or whether they should be able to do it for themselves is neither here nor there. Why can't you speak to your own child about this? For all you know, she might have food-related OCD, but you wouldn't have a clue because you and your husband are too busy bickering about whether she needs to be given a plate.

Sorry if this is obvious, but have you asked her??

why she doesn’t feel able to feed herself and prefers it served?

this would be totally different if she was being lazy and entitled across the board and expecting you to do everything for her and expressing it’s because she didn’t want to/couldn’t be bothered and DH was pandering to that, but to be willing not to eat dinner because it’s not been plated for you means there is clearly something going on, whether she actually recognises it or not.

my kids have big appetites so I know if they ever refused to eat because I hadn’t served them it would last all of two minutes and they’d be feeding themselves or showing/telling me why they couldn’t (with emotions or words…) but there would definitely be communication around it. The fact she has just gone off upstairs without dinner makes this a clear cause for concern and one you’d want to address at the time.

SaltedPies

@MrsSkylerWhite I somehow doubt the op makes roast dinner and lovingly gathers her family round the table”

Fair point. I also tend to forget that many on MN expect their 5 year olds to get themselves up, make their beds and prepare breakfast.

In our household the cook usually asks someone to set the table and serves food onto plates before bringing it to the table. Though sometimes plates are set and large bowls are placed on table for serve yourself meal.

If we eat pizza or take away then putting out plates is part of the table setting task. Would your daughter enjoy being in charge of setting the table each night?

Breakfast is not as structured because we all eat different things - but it is still eaten at the table with plates and cutlery.

At ten I think your daughter enjoys the communal atmosphere and being served a meal. It warms her heart and food tastes better.

@Haveyouanyjam it's a nice idea but if the OPs dd is nd then asking her will be of no help whatsoever.

This is just bizarre. Just pizza for dinner, no salad (or anything else). No-one lays the table. Presumably cold plates. Children expected to come and put a slice of pizza on a plate and eat it with their hands. I’m not surprised this child has an odd relationship with food.

@DisquietintheRanks i get that, and I don’t necessarily expect the DD to be able to verbalise why she can’t, but that in and of itself would tell OP something and it seems very odd to me that you wouldn’t at least ask, as there’s still the chance she can explain?

Definitelyrandom · Today 10:13

This is just bizarre. Just pizza for dinner, no salad (or anything else). No-one lays the table. Presumably cold plates. Children expected to come and put a slice of pizza on a plate and eat it with their hands. I’m not surprised this child has an odd relationship with food.”

This. Amazed how many people seem to think that it’s perfectly normal for a 10 year old to feed herself.

It is a weird thread isn't it 🤣

Yes, they need to learn life skills etc but for goodness sake what about your parental responsibilities?!

Agreed @LifeInAHamsterWheel in any case it is doubtful the op is modelling advanced life skills to her children. OP seems to struggle herself with organising a proper mealtime for her young family. Slapping a heated up frozen pizza on the counter and moaning her dd is too lazy to get a plate and eat is inefficient and attention seeking. Maybe she herself is autistic and unsupported but I hope OP takes on board the many posts saying, she should focus on nurturing, loving and engaging with her dd, that poor girls has only one set of parents to love and raise her. And Op seems jealous of her husband caring for his girl. FFS.

Providing a caring mealtime experience is the best way to help your dc learn life skills. I suppose OP herself wasn't nurtured when she grew up.

@HappyHolidai

the daughter can get her own plate. If she couldn’t be bothered to do that she clearly wasn’t very hungry 🤷‍♀️

What do you mean cold plates, do you heat yours and view that as standard?

I don't think there's anything weird about only having pizza for dinner either, there was never anything with it when I ate it in Italy!

And eating pizza with your hands is also standard. The only part that's remotely unusual is that OP doesn't put the plates out.

I’m really not seeing your daughter being the issue here.

Whoever cooks, dishes the food. I couldn’t be asked with individual people coming and going in the food.

She does eat, so no disordered eating - her dad shared her food and she ate ☑️.

She tidies her spaces, keeps her room clean and has other good qualities.

Just leave her be, because the only issue I can see is you letting her go back to her room without eating.

@MrsSkylerWhite

omg! No salad!! Cold plates!! eating pizza with no knife and fork!!
crazy!

**
LuckySantangelo35

the daughter can get her own plate. If she couldn’t be bothered to do that she clearly wasn’t very hungry “

Lazy parenting in the extreme.

Honestly... you never have a lazy night where you heat up a few pizzas, put on a film and sit on the sofa together?

Its one of my kids favourite things.