To leave toddler playing in the other room for a bit?

[Frogmarch89]

So 18 month old has a giant playpen full of toys. If somebody is in the room she will only play in it with somebody else, she won't play independently. However if there is nobody else in there she happily plays with her toys and talks to her Teddy bears and dolls.

So sometimes I put her in it, make a cuppa and go in the other room for 20 minutes or so. Both doors are open so I can hear her playing and it is safe in there.

I mentioned doing this to my friend and she says that its not normal to leave a child that young alone. I didn't really think anything of it, it's only now and again and gives me a chance to have a cuppa in peace.

AIBU?

It's exactly what playpens are for. Why is it too young when they are safe and secure in a playpen?

my husband works 12 hours and it’s a loooong day with my littlest human. I love him to bits but I need a breather too! He’s six months and I leave him for 15 minutes, like you I can hear him and he appreciates the time to himself - he’s happy and will play. I don’t really care if people don’t agree with me, getting a short break gives me the energy to be a better mum to him.

Ffs she's being ridiculous. As long as there's nothing she can reach she might hurt herself with she'll be fine. I had no choice we had a tiny kitchen. So it would have been more dangerous to have them in the kitchen with me. We had a safety gate on the door so I could keep the door open.

Don’t really know the answer to this. My first was a silent choker, no noise at all, right up to the age of 5. My third had apnea attacks and was on a monitor for the first year. So my experience says no, never.

Without knowing your child or the set up it’s probably safe as long as the toys are age appropriate/safe but I really wouldn’t make a habit of it.

Good heavens, it’s fine, it’s absolutely fine. Better than fine, even: healthy.

All my children stopped napping at about 18m (much to my upset!) so they would have 30 minutes of “quiet time” in their bedroom after lunch - I set them up with books, soft toys, puzzles and they would have little play on their own while I had a few minutes to have a cup of tea and recharge my batteries in the middle of the day. Absolutely fine as long as you are nearby and can hear them if there is any problem.

I think as long as you can see her e.g. on a monitor or keep popping your head round the door then fine but don't rely on your ears alone or do stuff that's louder than the sound of her playing.

They can't consent to you taking their clothes off to change nappies/clothes or bath them either. I think these people think we should leave them in filth until they're old enough to say actually, would you mind cleaning this poo off my bum?

How does she think single mums manage? What a bizarre thing to say.
She sounds perfectly safe.

Your friend needs to give her head a wobble. Absolutely fine, safe and good for child to entertain herself.

I hope to god she never goes to Scandinavia. She’d have an apoplectic fit if she saw how they leave their babies to nap.

I would say that not only is it absolutely fine, it's actually very good. It's such an important life skill to be able to amuse yourself and not to rely on external stimuli and this is a very good age to start to learn this. You are being a good mum to do this! And your child is as safe as is possible - you can hear everything. Keep on building that independence, it's one of the most valuable gifts we can give to our children.

I lived in an open plan flat when the kids were little. I had a gate up at the kitchen entrance so they couldn’t get in there but toddler proofed other rooms. I would let then wander about as I was going about tidying up etc. was easy quickly check up on them etc. I think it’s fine, but would have a quick look in at them every 5/10 mins.

Sounds fine. I did this with my daughter at 10 months. I could sit in the next room with a coffee and the crossword. She was fine with it. If you mollycoddle your kids then that's your prerogative.

Your friend's attitude of thinking toddlers playing independently is undesirable is so bizarre to me. Of course this is what you want them to be able to do!

Baby jail we used to call it. Perfectly safe, can’t get out. Baby safe toys. I just don’t understand these ‘can’t let them out of my sight’ parents. Their mental health must be shot to shit.

I tend to think you should only worry if she goes quiet.

Your child is 18 months old, not 6 months old. Independent play is so beneficial for her development at this stage.
I used to follow a website called 100 toys that talked in depth about independent playing.
Obviously, assuming the set up is safe for your child and there is no hazard especially choking hazard. But from what you described it sounds totally fine to me.
Also want to add that it may or may not be related to independent playing but we never had to use screen time to give us a "break ". DS could be independently play on his own at a very young age and be totally absorbed.

I've been a single mum to my two boys since they were aged 6mo's and 3 years, there is absolutely no way I could have never left my youngest unattended. Does your friend only have one child by any chance? I cannot imagine anyone with more than one child saying this 🤣

It depends: is 20 minutes an hour, and is a cuppa Lambrusco?!

Yea do it. You're doing your dc no favours by never letting them learn how to entertain themselves and enjoy it. You're doing yourself no favours by never showing yourself to have time to breathe and to finish a train of thought without interruption.

Absolutely fine. Your child is in a safe place with presumably safe toys which pose no hazards. You can hear them and are listening out. To me this is no different to putting your baby in a crib (ie. A safe space) while you shower/have a short breather. My 18 month old doesn’t use his playpen anymore as we ran out of space for it when we did a furniture reshuffle, but I do put it up occasionally when I want some peace and sit him in it with his favourite toys and CBeebies on so I can get some things done. I regularly leave him playing in his child proofed room (which has a baby gate) while I shower or get ready. You’re doing nothing wrong!

Of course it's fine... the chance would have been a fine thing! If they're happy on their own playing then let them play. It's not as if they get one on one attention all the time if they've got siblings, or if they're in a nursery. Don't let your friend get into your head. You're going to be a parent forever, you deserve and are entitled to a cup of tea in peace when you can get it!

She’s exactly like my dog. If I didn’t do the same thing I’d get nothing done.

I didn’t mean the dog bit in a bad way … obviously.

Just that my puppy also wants me to cuddle and play if I’m within sight.