To think 13 months old is too young to leave DC with grandparents for 7 nights

[lavenderdillydilly]

Would you leave your 13 month old with their grandparents to go away for 7 nights with your DP/H to Vietnam/Indonesia?

Not me, but someone I know is doing this. I have a 7 month old and I thought holidaying along with DH was a thing of the past for us. But is it normal/common to leave baby DCs behind? I would feel uncomfortable but then I have been told I very much treat DC like a PFB - I don't want to be like that though and appreciate my hormones are slewing things!

Edit to say relationship with grandparents is good and they see their grandparents a couple of times a week for daycare.

Maybe a long weekend in the UK or Europe (although I probably still couldn't do this because it's not fair on grandparents and I'd feel guilty for leaving), but not 7 days in a country on the other side of the world. Once the child is school aged then they might feel left out and want to come with you.

People don't need holidays. I couldn't afford holidays abroad in my early 20s and teens and then I had my baby at 26. So technically I can afford a holiday now but it would have to be family holidays from now on. A child free weekend or long weekend away in this country or a nearby country is fine (I wouldn't judge others who would do this), but going to the other side of the world is too far away imo.

Once the child is school aged then they might feel left out and want to come with you.

Then you explain to them that sometimes adults do things without children.
We do lots of things as a family but we also enjoy time as a couple or with other adults.
It's good for children to understand that.

Before I had my dc I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. But I couldn’t have left my own dc. I wouldn’t judge other parents because I think with nearly every parenting decision there are benefits and drawbacks.

I’d love to claim that keeping my dc close was because I was a natural earth mother, attuned to their every need, living only to serve them. In truth, as well as the “good” reasons, there was a touch of anxiety and depression, as well as some tricky family relationships. I was trying to break free from generational trauma and parent differently and I overthought everything!

One of my school mum friends does the polar opposite to me at every turn but her older teen dd and adult ds are lovely so clearly she’s doing an awful lot right.

When our dc are small and we’re dealing with so much responsibility, the need for validation and reassurance that we’re doing it right is huge.

But actually there are lots of right-ish ways. There are things that are absolutely wrong for a parent to do - starving or beating dc for instance. But a weeks holiday is just a different choice.

I could not be on a different continent to my infants!

I wouldn't aactually leave them for even a night but that's just me, there's nothing wrong with it!
Indonesia is a bit much tho, they could have started with the Cotswolds and worked their way up 😅

Those of us who travel for work don't get a say in where we're sent!

As long as your child is with someone you trust it's absolutely fine.

Agreed! On return from maternity leave with DT’s my first visit to clients was to Singapore.

Agreed! On return from maternity leave with DT’s my first visit to clients was to Singapore.

Most of my work trips are in Asia..... on the plus side, I've occasionally been able to take DS so he's incredibly well traveled for a 9 year old!

I'm in a fortunate position to do both.

Exactly.

There can be a balance. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.

It’s no wonder some women find themselves very lonely and disconnected when their kids grow up! It’s ok to still be a person in your own right and do things just for you even when you’re a mother

Nope

One or two nights fine
Definitely not 7

Just being really judgey...sorry

I only have one child: I waited a long time to have them

Every day is precious and their childhood is such a short part of my life

Ive traveled a lot. Had enough adult holidays in my younger years. Ill do it again when child has gone to uni or no longer wants to hang out with us

Now i want to do family holidays while I can

That being said, parenting is hard and a break away is such a tonic and sometimes needed.

But 7 days to Asia is a lot. And it's a lot to ask of the GPs.

Just being really judgey...sorry

I only have one child: I waited a long time to have them

Every day is precious and their childhood is such a short part of my life

Yes you are being judgey. Unnecessarily so.

Every day IS precious, but that goes for adults and relationships too. His grandparents won't be around forever either, it's important he gets to spend time with them too.

I voted YANBU because I wouldn't personally have done this, and TBH I probably would judge (privately) someone else initially for doing this, but honestly everyone is different, and lucky them, if they can do it, and enjoy it!!
We left 2yo PFB with GP for 2 nights and hated every minute 🤣

The only person I'd leave my children with for that long would be my husband. Which would kind of defeat the purpose 😂

I wouldnt leave mine for a week now and they are teens. I did however let my mum have both kids when they were 4 weeks old overnight which also seems to be judged badly on here!

Mine had to leave me because I refused to go with them. Their idea of a holiday wasn’t mine when I was in my teens.

I would if the DC was pretty easy going. I wouldn't want to leave a more high strung/really busy child with someone.

honestly who cares? Well looked after kids, who are not neglected being looked after by loving grandparents for a few days? There are children in this world who are neglected every day of their lives. Iv left my kids with grandparents a few times to go away with my husband (never more than 4 nights though) and we’re a happy loving family with children that people would generally see as being spoilt.

I had a 4 night work trip when DS was 14 months and 5 night work trip when he was 16 months, he went to my parents house the first time and away with my parents for 6 nights in their motorhome to Whitby the second time. He had a blast! DH works shifts which aren’t compatible with nursery hours so it made more sense for him to go with my parents (and save his AL for when we could all go somewhere together). They could have come and looked after him at our house but actually having a holiday with them was nice for him.

This made me laugh my boys are 13 and 11 and two nights is the longest I have left them (not me going away, them going to camp or sleepovers with friends). Oldest goes skiing with school in Feb that will be 7 nights and longest we have been apart by a long way 😭

I wouldn't do it until they were teenagers but it's a very personal decision

I probably wouldn’t but if they have a great relationship already and the GPs were happy to I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with it so all down to personal choice.

Pre covid, I left my 4 and a half year old with my mother in law and a nanny (who I’d known for 6 months) whilst I travelled with DH and our 6 month old for a job interview/orientation trip to China for 5 days. I couldn’t just go on holiday abroad (or even at home for the time being) without the kids though… Maybe when they’re teenagers but then again it would depend. I do know lots of people who took off and left kids with nannies and grandparents in early 2020 and ended up being stuck in other countries for months… An unusual situation but I guess it could happen again. Everyone’s different though and I guess if they trust their parents with their baby and have contingencies in place it’s up to them.