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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 13 months old is too young to leave DC with grandparents for 7 nights

175 replies

lavenderdillydilly · 16/11/2023 07:22

Would you leave your 13 month old with their grandparents to go away for 7 nights with your DP/H to Vietnam/Indonesia?

Not me, but someone I know is doing this. I have a 7 month old and I thought holidaying along with DH was a thing of the past for us. But is it normal/common to leave baby DCs behind? I would feel uncomfortable but then I have been told I very much treat DC like a PFB - I don't want to be like that though and appreciate my hormones are slewing things!

Edit to say relationship with grandparents is good and they see their grandparents a couple of times a week for daycare.

OP posts:
RogerTaylorsdrumstool · 16/11/2023 11:00

I think it depends on the relationship between the baby and it's grandparents.
I looked after my grandson for 4 nights when he was 7 months old so his parents could have a short break away. But I've looked after him one day a week and overnights since he was 2 weeks old. His other grandparents have only looked after him a few hours here and there so baby wasn't left with them.
Grandson is now 2 and I still look after him weekly.

5foot5 · 16/11/2023 11:11

No I couldn't have done that. Not for that length of time and certainly not to go abroad.

When DD was about that age (one-ish) was the first time I left her overnight at my DMs while DH and I went to a wedding.

And123456 · 16/11/2023 11:40

This type of post pops up quite frequently it seems and lots of mums say ‘I couldn’t do it myself’. But when parents separate young children often spend half the week with mum and half with dad, and that happens every week.
(Totally appreciate that it’s a different dynamic as they are with dad and generally in the same country, etc.)

celticprincess · 16/11/2023 11:41

If this is not about you then I don’t get why you need to ask on MN and make an issue out of it. It’s their life and their family choice.

Stephjmumof3 · 16/11/2023 11:43

Longest I've left my 3 girls is 3 nights to go to Paris! My parents are no longer here,so I don't have the opportunity to leave them at all now..However if my parents were here,I would happily leave them for a week! They're safe,they're happy and well taken care of? No issue in my eyes.

SecretVictoria · 16/11/2023 11:51

Depends, I have known of families with three generations living together so it would have been totally normal for the adults/kids involved. I know other people (and promise I’m not exaggerating) who wouldn’t even put the baby down to go to the loo as they cried. My SIL went away for 4 days when DN was 3/4 months old. My DF raised his eyebrows (but kept his trap shut). My brother is a perfectly competent, loving, hands on parent and no one suffered.

Bilbymum · 16/11/2023 12:10

It happens. It’s not common but I’d say 20% of people I know have/would do that. I’m in the 20%. Can understand the other side and why not leave them though. But we do exist and do it for our own reasons. The kids will be fine, they’re resilient and flexible :)

MaryShelley1818 · 16/11/2023 12:16

It would be too long for me and too far away. Ours are 5 and 2. I've been away twice for 3nts short haul when DS was younger but DH has never left them. We wouldn't both want to be out of the country at the same time though.
I've also taken DS and DD away for weekends separately.

Jayne35 · 16/11/2023 12:26

Would not have been a problem for me but it depends on the family, my children probably preferred being at Nan and Granddads to be fair.

Bluetrees9284 · 16/11/2023 12:29

I wouldn’t personally but it’s none of my business if someone else is doing it. The grandparents might have a really good relationship with the baby, or they really need the break etc, either way not nice of you to be judging.

Teder · 16/11/2023 12:34

YABU to post about a specific situation on here and invite others to be judgy.
It is fine not to feel comfortable with this but not fine to post someone else’s private decisions.

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/11/2023 12:47

Isthisreasonable · 16/11/2023 09:28

@LuckySantangelo35

Think you responded to the wrong poster!

Show quote history

oh yeah it was meant for @Isthisexpected

sorry @Isthisreasonable

Floralsofa · 16/11/2023 12:51

Left my 12 month old and 7 year old for 2 weeks with grandparents when we went for our honeymoon. Seem fairly unscathed.

Lovemykidywinks · 16/11/2023 13:01

My main concern leaving a toddler with grandparents for a week is that they would get too tired.
I am a grandma and have grandchild overnight once a week. I am absolutely knackered when grandchild goes home.
If sleep is disturbed I cannot get back to sleep.
I am also definitely more vigilant with grandchild than I was with own children so that adds to the tiredness.

maddiemookins16mum · 16/11/2023 13:07

OldTinHat · 16/11/2023 07:34

Absolutely not. I left my 15yr old for three nights with his grandparents, though - the guilt nearly crippled me!

Please tell me you mean 15 month old and not 15 years old?

luckylavender · 16/11/2023 13:07

Well it's none of your business and I judge you for posting it. I left my DC with my parents at 11 months for a week to go to China. Feel free to judge me.

hjytrjulykuyh · 16/11/2023 13:36

It's definitely too young. They're too little at that age to understand where mum/dad have gone and that they will be back. Really unfair to the child.

Wordsmithery · 16/11/2023 13:42

For me the real issue is the fact of travelling so far away. I'd always want to know that I could get home in an emergency. Staying away for a week in the UK is one thing, if that's what you want, but the far East is not a quick hop by anyone's standards.

WhatWhereWho · 16/11/2023 13:46

Up to them. If it's not right for you and your DH do not do it. It's right for them. It's a week not a year long trek through the Amazon.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 16/11/2023 13:46

I absolutely would if we had helpful, trustworthy, grandparents. Unfortunately both sets range between useless and dangerous Sad.

Goingsunny · 16/11/2023 13:51

Lovemykidywinks · 16/11/2023 13:01

My main concern leaving a toddler with grandparents for a week is that they would get too tired.
I am a grandma and have grandchild overnight once a week. I am absolutely knackered when grandchild goes home.
If sleep is disturbed I cannot get back to sleep.
I am also definitely more vigilant with grandchild than I was with own children so that adds to the tiredness.

I agree with this, my main concern would be whether it would be to much for the GP's, they're obviously older than when they were looking after their own children and not used to doing it day in day out like the parents are. 1 year olds can still wake at night or get up for the day at 5am, it's really tiring. Okay for a weekend or one night but I wouldn't be comfortable leaving them for a whole week with grandparents. Totally different story once they're school age.

Happiestonthebeach · 16/11/2023 13:53

I’m amazed so many people have grandparents who offer to do this.
I don’t have parents/ in laws that would offer or that would be capable (health/ aged related reasons) of doing this and neither do my friends.
I think it would have been really good for my marriage though, and to reconnect with my husband if we’d been able to do this though. As it is youngest is 11 and it’ll be years until we have the opportunity

Sconehenge · 16/11/2023 13:54

I think it depends on the child really, our friends left their 6 month with grandmother for 5 days recently and everyone was happy and enjoyed it - if my future baby has good relationship with grandparents and seemed comfortable away from me then I would do this in a heartbeat! But if I had a particularly clingy child then maybe not. Nothing wrong with it in theory and really healthy I think! I’m crossing fingers for a chill baby who I can leave with willing grandparents!

jannier · 16/11/2023 13:57

I'd worry they got seriously ill and I would be too far away unlikely but still possible

Iloveshoes123 · 16/11/2023 13:58

YABU - why do you care? Who cares if it's normal - you don't feel comfortable doing it so don't, your friend does so she will.