To think 13 months old is too young to leave DC with grandparents for 7 nights

[lavenderdillydilly]

Would you leave your 13 month old with their grandparents to go away for 7 nights with your DP/H to Vietnam/Indonesia?

Not me, but someone I know is doing this. I have a 7 month old and I thought holidaying along with DH was a thing of the past for us. But is it normal/common to leave baby DCs behind? I would feel uncomfortable but then I have been told I very much treat DC like a PFB - I don't want to be like that though and appreciate my hormones are slewing things!

Edit to say relationship with grandparents is good and they see their grandparents a couple of times a week for daycare.

Agreed. Some people claim they haven’t yet been away from their eight year old and others went away when their babies were tiny. We were somewhere in the middle and I’ve benefited from great relationships with DH and our now grown up DC’s. I also traveled regularly with work.

I don't understand why people want to live their childfree life when they have children. There's a middle ground and this seems too young and too many nights. But then, I'm also of the opinion that it's not a hard sacrifice to not have a holiday without your children for a few years... after all there were decades to do this before and after!

I wouldn't, no. A night or two once they were sleeping reliably - mine were both very early risers and I don't think 5am wake ups are fair on grandparents - but not a week and not long haul.

My eldest regularly had health issues that landed him in A and E at that age though which influences me.

I think also it really depends on the grandparent relationship - some grandparents are so involved they are basically also primary caregivers and I can see that's different.

Personally I would not have but dd had a friend at nursery who was left a couple of times a year whilst her parents went on long haul holidays eg 3 weeks in Caribbean - they took their kids for just a week in Hunstanton each summer. I found that really mean

I would absolutely have done this if I could. I didn’t have the support network of GPs when DCs were babies but I did leave them with a very close family friend when eldest was 8 and youngest was only 6 months. That was for 3 nights and I have 0 regrets!

Different strokes for different folks. Some people are built for 24/7 parenthood. I’m not of them!

@OldTinHat you’re joking aren’t you?

100% judgy, you’ll get your fair share of people judging your parenting at some points and plenty of unrequested advice so try not to do the same to others.

I wouldn’t for 7 days that young no, but once a little older I don’t see what’s wrong with having some alone time with your partner, it’s good for the relationship and good for children’s relationship with grandparents.

Personally no I wouldn't. But I do know lots of people that regularly leave their babies for 'adult time'. Recently a friend went on a 10 day holiday leaving 6 month old with their mum. If they enjoy it, each to their own!

I think it's ok if the child is very bonded to GPs. My DC doesn't have a bond with anyone aside from my DH & me so I couldn't do that. But I wouldn't judge another family.

I think I left mine about that age for like 5 nights. I am about to go for 10 nights and even though they are much older now and also go away with their dad , it does feel like a long time!!

Sometimes, as other PP have said, it’s so much better for the little one to be safe at home with grandma and spoilt rotten. So a win win in my opinion.

It's absolutely fine.
Judging them isn't though.

Nothing to do with you. I think if the child stays regularly with GPs then her or she will probably be fine with them for a week. 13 months is not tiny, probably sleeping reasonably, and presumably the GPs and capable of doing the care for a week - and they're people the baby knows and loves, so it's not like he or she is with strangers.

Quite.

It doesn't matter what you think is too early, OP. Not your children and not your decision.

I wouldn't do it but it also wouldn't bother me if someone else wanted to do this.

I personally think this should be normalised; more parents should feel able and non-judged to do this if they want to. I don’t think enough couples feel enabled to prioritise their marriages – me included! I have never done this as we don’t have that length of childcare available, but I would.

I would never do this myself, I think it would be cruel to my child who would miss us. But some people do this. It's unusual but not unheard of.

I had 6 children with a nine year age gap from youngest yo eldest. My mother in law loved several hours drive away and couldn't drive. Every summer the kids went to stay with her for a week which usually turned into 2/3 weeks as they were haven't so much fun with their nan. Did I miss them yes but did they love the experience yes they did. Each to their own , the relationship my kids developed with their nan was amazing and developed during these holidays. Initially we stayed home after a few years we used the time for a child free holiday as they were not home anyway .

Each to their own.

Mine stayed overnight with grandparents from 6 weeks old. Some people won't let their teenagers stay with GPs.

Not sure I'd l have left them for a week at 13 months (mine were 2 before we did that) but if you are comfortable with it then go for it.

It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I wouldn't. I also don't have grandparents or other relatives that would have managed ok for that many days and nights.

However, we actually like to go on holiday with our children so wouldn't consider a week long break without them. Holidays are our proper family time.

I think I would have left dd with my mother if I'd had to-they had an amazing bond from the very beginning and saw each other a lot, but I don't think mum would have been able physically to do it. They had happy weekends together though.

No I wouldn't. Our pfb was 5 before she went to stay with grandparents without us.

I wouldn't. A night or 2 definitely but not a week and half way across the world.

At that age with a good relationship with dgps much better to stay at home maintaining routine rather than being taken away on a long haul trip which they would get very little out of. The parents may need some downtime after a whirlwind 1st year of parenthood.

For school age dcs often a different story.

My mum had to routinely leave me for a few weeks at a time, twice a year, from when I was about 8 months because of her job. I don’t remember it at all until I was about 7 and then all I remember was the absolutely brilliant time I had with my grandparents.

TBH I think if parents can have a break (even if it’s to work as my mum did cos that is still a break tbh) they should.

No parents should give up their whole life for their child when good childcare is available (and clearly willing). Matyrdom is unnecessary.