To think 13 months old is too young to leave DC with grandparents for 7 nights

[lavenderdillydilly]

Would you leave your 13 month old with their grandparents to go away for 7 nights with your DP/H to Vietnam/Indonesia?

Not me, but someone I know is doing this. I have a 7 month old and I thought holidaying along with DH was a thing of the past for us. But is it normal/common to leave baby DCs behind? I would feel uncomfortable but then I have been told I very much treat DC like a PFB - I don't want to be like that though and appreciate my hormones are slewing things!

Edit to say relationship with grandparents is good and they see their grandparents a couple of times a week for daycare.

it would be to much for the GP's, they're obviously older

I graciously made my parents grandparents in their mid 40s they've always enjoyed the weeks they've had them (they help in summer holidays, we don't go away that often!) because they can't help in other ways still working full time so it's their main bonding time. Tbh even my MIL who is late 60s happily has them for up to 2 weeks at a time in the summer holidays, she loves it and asks to do 2 weeks when we only need 1 🤷‍♀️

If I had someone that wanted to look after them I would jump at the chance

Same type of people who put babies in nursery for 12 hours a day from the age of 9months.

Of course they need holidays sans children. Get in the way don't they!

Are you this judgemental in real life?

It’s not for me but each to their own. DS is 4 and I wouldn’t holiday without him, couldn’t imagine ever wanting to. In short, whatever you want to do with your own child/ family is fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Many women have children in their mid 40s ,however that is very different from being in your 60s and looking after little people. It would be too much to look after grandchild for a whole week and my daughter acknowledges and appreciates that .
Obviously some people are fine ,like your MIL which is great ,but generally I think it would be too much for many.

We did it at 14 months, had a week away. I don't think DD noticed we were gone to be honest, she was having too much fun with first one Grandma and then the other set of grandparents. DP on the other hand was definitely starting to miss her by day 6 though.

For us it was a godsend. We'd only been a couple for 10 months when DD was born (DP didn't know she was pregnant until she went into labour!) and then we'd been properly thrust in the deep end. That week away gave us a chance to take stock of the relationship and reconfirm that we were doing the right thing. That we were together because we loved each other, not just because we had a child together.

Obviously some people are fine ,like your MIL which is great ,but generally I think it would be too much for many.

That sounds pretty bleak to me and not my experience, I'm not sure it's really that common, I hope not anyway, maybe it's part of people having kids older now I hope I have more energy than that! My parents and in laws have been very active hands on grandparents, they're still working full time, still very healthy and active (horse riding, cycling, running!) and jump at the chance to have my kids (we live away), mine are past the age of "needing" childcare now really (WFH, easily entertained) but grandparents and grandkids still jump at the chance of week long visits. MIL took mine camping for a few days by herself last year.

Maybe it's their ages, but my MIL is nearing 70 and not slowing down yet.

But yeah, if your grandparents aren't healthy in that way I guess they would be less willing and able, I hope I can offer my grandkids what my kids have had from our parents.

if my parents could handle the 1 year old and it wasn’t too much for them I would leave him/her. The only concern is the distance because if something happens I could not be back the next day from Vietnam. I have left my 7 month and my 2,5 years children with my parents for a long weekend though. I could be back in extreme emergency in a day (take two boats etc)

I would have done it yes.

My children grandmother/father are very involved and grandmother is a retired midwife - she was at his birth too.

In fact we left DS for 7 nights when he was 12 months old to go on our honeymoon.

I don't get the holier than thou attitude about stuff like this. At 12 weeks I'd consider it a bit much, but not at 12 months.

No way.

Neither my parents or in laws would've done this for us when the kids were 13 months old, or even 7. They'd have them for a few days now I'm sure if we asked but they're 11 and 16 years old.

Unless my child's marriage was on the rocks I wouldn't be doing it for then either.

We are both physically fit and well,I still work and husband still climbs mountains,skiing and sailing but it’s still a big ask to look after young children for more than a couple of nights.
It is tiring with the early start, and like I said in my original post ,we have our grandchild overnight once a week which we really enjoy but very happy when it’s home time . Really don’t think that is unusual or unreasonable TBH .Am sure it’s less tiring as the children get older because they don’t need to be supervised so much.
Just edited to emphasise that I do think that it’s great to get away if people can and our children were fine when we had the odd weekend away. My Mum was in her 50s as was MIL when we left them as toddlers .

To go to Vietnam?? Yes absolutely. Baby won't even remember 7 days and will be safe with loving grandparents... but that would be the trip of a lifetime to me. Who'd turn that down? Of course I'd miss my baby but I know they'd be happy and safe. It's only 7 days not a month!
It's not something I'd consider doing often or to go somewhere close by or something... but to go to Vietnam yes absolutely.. or anywhere I've never been but always wanted to.
Very unlikely to ever be in that position with finances or with childcare tho... but hats off to people who are. Good for her!

Yeah my mum is disabled and would not be able to cope with a 1 year old for 7 days. Plus we have two other children lol! So will never happen for us. But for some grandparents it would be their dream to get a whole week with their 1 year old grandchild. I'd certainly do it for my kids if I was physically able. I'd support them in having wonderful experiences as a couple I think it's important. As someone who fell pregnant 3 months into their relationship (married 10 years now) I never got to have that with my partner and I totally would not begrudge it to my children. But you don't know, it does depend on the physical ability and energy of the grandparents. I hope I'd be able to provide that level of childcare for my children to do something so wonderful.. but you can't predict.

If you are not doing it, it's nowt to do with you.
Different things suit different families.

So next time you need an A&E doctor or surgeon, who work 12 hour shifts, you would refuse to be accepted by one who was a parent?
Weirdly enough, not everyone has the luxury of sitting on their arse at home until their child reaches school age.

It really doesn’t matter one bit wether it is something you’d be comfortable with, or wether I’d be comfortable with - it’s not our baby. People feel ready to do things quicker than others and shouldn’t be judged either way. If friend feels fine doing that absolutely OK! If you don’t feel fine doing that until your child is over - absolutely OK!

This is so individual, there is no right or wrong and no doubt there will be some judgey comments on here. I went away when DD was 13monrhs for 3 days to Seville with my DH, and left her with grandparents. I was pregnant and the break was much needed and appreciated! We have done a few 3 night trips. This year I did a 5 night one with a friend which is the longest I’ve done, but they were with DH. They are 4.5 and 3 now, had no issues doing it! DH has done the same.
However I know some people who wouldn’t do it.
everyone does themselves and what they feel.

@suitsmetoo Plenty of reasons for someone to put their child into nursery for 12 hour days. None that concern you frankly.

Thissssss!!

I would judge this massively, and wouldn’t even be shy about it!

My parents are both sadly dead but I would have absolutely trusted them to look after my baby for a week

I think it's fine if the baby is with grandparents 2 days a week as you said in the OP. I would probably build up and do a night first then 2 nights.

If grandparents live far away and only see the child every month or less then I think too young.

I don't have anyone to look after mine but if I did I would let them if they were keen and child happy

I would happily leave my children with their grandparent whom they know very well and love very much. Just because you might not feel comfortable doesn’t mean that someone that does is wrong for doing so. Usually opinions like this come from people that sadly don’t have the opportunity to go on an adults holiday and have their children looked after by a close family member. I think it’s important to note- this is a personal decision. Some people won’t want or be able to this. Some people have such close relationships with grandparents that it’s a home from home and everyone is happy.

No I think that is way too much. I wouldn't be judgy about a weekend (even though I couldn't do even that at that age, with any of mine not just PFB) but a week is a lot for a young baby. I couldn't enjoy myself for missing them. Why not holiday somewhere together? They still nap at that age and they are easily transportable in a pram to restaurants etc at night. Also why wouldn't you want that experience and family pictures for your child, even if they won't remember it, it is still a lifetime experience that won't cost them in flights.