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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

767 replies

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:54

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

OP posts:
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7
MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 13:07

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:05

He’s not actually the dad, he just thinks he is and OP wants revenge on him so doesn’t want to tell him just yet.

Show quote history

Why do you think the OP owes him an explanation?

She can post whatever photos she likes on social media. He told her he wasn't even on Instagram.

You seem to think that the OP should be forced to re-establish contact with this man just because he stalked her on social media and now wants a reply to his message.

Why?

She owes him nothing.

Bloodyel · 16/11/2023 13:08

As PP have said, she doesn't owe him anything. She's within her rights to say nothing and enjoy his confusion. He won't know either way, but so what? The baby isn't his, his message just shows his obsession with her and what her life is without him. I would just never respond to him again.

CecilyP · 16/11/2023 13:08

Night409 · 16/11/2023 12:52

I assume some posters on here are quite young (or just have nothing going on in their lives)

There are certain things that are morally wrong and most people want to reduce the drama in their lives, not create it (especially if it involves a man who apparently broke your heart).

I guess it’s just something that comes with maturity.

I miss the Jeremy Kyle show.
Perhaps MN is the new JK show.

Show quote history

I’m actually very old and know that OP didn’t create any drama by posting a picture of her older child as a baby. She has done nothing wrong; she had no idea this man would see it. Obviously no mature person would follow some of the crazier suggestions but there is no reason for OP to reply at all.

CecilyP · 16/11/2023 13:10

Bloodyel · 16/11/2023 13:08

As PP have said, she doesn't owe him anything. She's within her rights to say nothing and enjoy his confusion. He won't know either way, but so what? The baby isn't his, his message just shows his obsession with her and what her life is without him. I would just never respond to him again.

The baby doesn’t actually exist; well she does but she’s now a little girl that was born long before OP met him!

Moofart · 16/11/2023 13:11

Save me a seat in hell as I'd have a great time ignoring him 🤣

CruellasBraVermin · 16/11/2023 13:12

Sweepies, in the nicest possible way, you are far too overinvested in this and are not coming off very well. Especially with the use of the word 'special'. I have a child you would probably call 'special'. He is not unhinged or obsessed, he's a four year old. Please be a grown up.

CruellasBraVermin · 16/11/2023 13:12

If you can manage that

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 13:14

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:05

He’s not actually the dad, he just thinks he is and OP wants revenge on him so doesn’t want to tell him just yet.

Show quote history

THERE IS NO BABY TO BE A DAD TO 😂

There will be men reading this taking tips on how to get a disinterested woman to reply, just make up some outlandish outrightly ludicrous assumption and she'll be expected to reply post haste.

OP posts:
vinegarasacleaner · 16/11/2023 13:17

Haha, OP, I've enjoyed this thread.

But bloody hell... I'm genuinely shocked by how many people seem to think it's unusual to fall for someone you're sleeping with in the first few weeks. How depressing to think we have so completely divorced sex and emotion. The internet, in all its glory, I suppose....

I've been with DH nearly a quarter of a century now, but I reckon I was in love with him within a month. Totally normal.

All the best, OP! Well done moving on and getting rid of the idiot x

TrashedSofa · 16/11/2023 13:18

Cancel the baby cheque, my dudes.

TattedBarley · 16/11/2023 13:19

Some of the replies on here are gold. Petty, delicious gold and I love it 🤣 I must admit if it were me OP I may have a little fun with it but hey, I must be going to hell too 🤣 other replies where people are putting words in the OP’s mouth are frankly more bizarre than the ones suggesting she pretend it’s his! Sorry, but men who lie, lead on and ghost deserve their karma, even if it’s just a little bit of a fright. Me thinks some need to get a sense of humour.

CreepingCrone · 16/11/2023 13:22

Blimey, he is soooo vain! Clearly everything must be about him 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/11/2023 13:23

BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 10:28

I don't mean to be impolite but you are talking complete rubbish. Again. You are constantly rewriting the story to fit your narrative dispite me, the person actually involved in the situation, telling you how it went.

You've now changed the time frame of the relationship to a few weeks! It was almost 4 months in total. Why are you doing that? I

I wasn't 'obsessed' at all.

I developed feelings for him which is what you would expect to develop when you're sleeping with somebody who's telling you they're really into you, so yes I was hurt when he switched up on me.

I didn't chase, beg, plead. Once I could be absolutely certain he was just using me for sex I cut all contact with him and allowed myself some time to get over it. Yes a few months. It's not abnormal for somebody to be sad about something like this for a while. I'm not a robot. I didn't contact the idiot once during that period of time. NC brought closure from within myself and I saw it for what it was. Felt a bit icky about it but meh we move forward.

I am NO LONGER interested in the man, hence telling him I am NO LONGER interested when HE contacted ME three weeks ago, wanting to see me.

If he "isn't interested" either he shouldn't be looking me up on social media. Why is he spending his time checking up on me on social media?

I don't want anything to do with him in any capacity.

I am no longer remotely bothered about what he thinks of me or wants from me. I don't think about him at all, until he approached me with this madness.

Yes, I find it very amusing. No, I'm not going to allow him to believe he has a child. I'm going to put the silly git out of his misery later on.

Show quote history

Please just ignore this poster OP. Don't dignify them with a response.

Their posts are dripping with misogyny as well inaccuracies. They seem determined to misquote you and make entire scenarios up just to fit their own ridiculous narrative.

Everyone can see through it.

Best response would be 'are you on glue?'😂

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:23

BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 13:14

THERE IS NO BABY TO BE A DAD TO 😂

There will be men reading this taking tips on how to get a disinterested woman to reply, just make up some outlandish outrightly ludicrous assumption and she'll be expected to reply post haste.

Show quote history
domestic violence mic GIF

There is a photo of a baby on your SM.

Which you’ve happened to post 9 months after having sex with him.

Of course he’s going to think there is a chance you’ve had a baby and that he is the dad.

You could say no (enter funny response if that’s what you want to do) and be done with it.
Or you could choose to keep in contact with him for longer by not shutting it down immediately.
You’ve chosen the second option.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 16/11/2023 13:23

I think you should ignore and block.
not as revenge or anything, though it is a bit funny to think of him sweating, but because you’ve already told him you’re not interested.
this is just another in for him, he’s got your attention. If you reply you’ve given him your time. You’ve moved on. Block him.
If he wants to jump to conclusions that his own fault, you didn’t do it for his benefit. Plenty of people post pictures as their profile of their children as babies on their birthday, or their wedding photos on their anniversaries.(I’m not sure what that poster was implying three)

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 16/11/2023 13:25

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:23

There is a photo of a baby on your SM.

Which you’ve happened to post 9 months after having sex with him.

Of course he’s going to think there is a chance you’ve had a baby and that he is the dad.

You could say no (enter funny response if that’s what you want to do) and be done with it.
Or you could choose to keep in contact with him for longer by not shutting it down immediately.
You’ve chosen the second option.

Show quote history

Why of course? He told her he wasn’t on social media. She didn’t know he was, let alone that he was checking her usage. She wouldn’t have even expected him to see it at all so the connection wouldn’t have been there. She would have just been thinking about the fact it was her daughter’s birthday.

Tinabrowley · 16/11/2023 13:28

@BlackFriYay oh OP - it's really not worth spending your energy on irrelevant rubbish. Please ignore these posts, they are only looking for attention.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 13:29

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:23

There is a photo of a baby on your SM.

Which you’ve happened to post 9 months after having sex with him.

Of course he’s going to think there is a chance you’ve had a baby and that he is the dad.

You could say no (enter funny response if that’s what you want to do) and be done with it.
Or you could choose to keep in contact with him for longer by not shutting it down immediately.
You’ve chosen the second option.

Show quote history

You're kind of like a crap Gandalf.

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 13:34

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:23

There is a photo of a baby on your SM.

Which you’ve happened to post 9 months after having sex with him.

Of course he’s going to think there is a chance you’ve had a baby and that he is the dad.

You could say no (enter funny response if that’s what you want to do) and be done with it.
Or you could choose to keep in contact with him for longer by not shutting it down immediately.
You’ve chosen the second option.

Show quote history

Of course, he wouldn't think that at all if he weren't on social media, after saying he wasn't on social media, and stalking the OP.

How is choosing not to reply to him "keeping contact with him for longer"?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 16/11/2023 13:34

Well if the ‘poor man’ hadn’t kept treating op like shit and ghosting her all the time he would know what the picture is for! He chose to treat her like shit, op didn’t ask him to! It’s his problem if he’s ghosted and op and now thinks she ended up pregnant with his child. He shouldn’t be such an arse!!!

///

Absolutely this.

RantyAnty · 16/11/2023 13:35

Night409 · 16/11/2023 13:05

He’s not actually the dad, he just thinks he is and OP wants revenge on him so doesn’t want to tell him just yet.

Show quote history

I swear how thick can people be! There isn't any baby!

I'll spell it out again

There isnt any baby.
It's just a photo on her sm.

It's none of his nosy arse business.

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/11/2023 13:39

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 11:06

Only read the first couple of pages and gave up.

I can't believe all the hahaha's and omg yes absolutely do this. Wtf. I struggle to beleive its grown women responding to this thread.

Bluntly, it's a horrible thing to do and makes you just as bad as him.

You say you won't make him think you have had his baby but this is exactly what you are doing - why else would you be hanging off, because you want to make him wonder. Horrible. Tell him the truth. Then block.

Don't be so ridiculous.

The OP has done nothing wrong .

He lied. He stalked. He ghosted. Yet somehow she's as bad as him? I'm so fed up of the blatant misogyny.

She owes him precisely nothing.

Added to that it's highly likely he knows damn well but it's just a ruse to get back in contact so he can get his leg over. Don't be so naive.

Theokaycokey · 16/11/2023 13:44

You post has really made me laugh OP! Absolutely make him sweat a few days...or months. Well, I mean, obviously you are very busy and tired right now so can't get back to him right away. Tbh I'd be half tempted to send him a spoof letter from the CSA 😉.

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 13:46

Look, it's very simple.

If it's OK for him not to reply to her messages after they've been sleeping together for months, it's definitely OK for her not to reply to his message asking about a photo she has posted on Instagram and which he had no reason to even be looking at.

However, @BlackFriYay, if you are putting pictures of your kids on Instagram you might want to consider making your profile private.

Malificent1 · 16/11/2023 13:47

I’d just ignore the silly twat. Let him know how it feels to be ghosted.