I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

[BlackFriYay]

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

Yep. But he still deserves it.

Make him sweat, no response IS a response.

Do nothing. None of this is of your making. Don’t respond, don’t do anything at all.

You dropped the rope, don’t pick it up again.

While I can understand the instinct to make him sweat, this is an occasion to rise above and be a the better person.

Short reply: it’s a baby photo of one of my existing DC, not a new baby. There is no reason for you ever to contact me again and I don’t want you to.

Then block him and forget about him.

Unless he does contact you again, in which case, report him to the police for stalking.

He is screwing with her head. IMO, it would take a deliberately wilful form of obtuseness not to recognize something that to most people would be as plain as the nose on your face. But to try to convince other women that the reverse is the case, well that is quite something else.

The fact that on this occasion the joke's very much on him is incidental. Women do not always have to accommodate men and their BS. They don't have to reward contemptuous, head-fucking behaviour with 'decency', being kind, or doing the 'right' thing. The OP owes this dingus precisely nothing. Nada. Squat.

That's not to say it's a wise idea to rub his nose in it, or torment him, or make PA comments about the child support agencies. Simply do not engage. Nothing pisses off this type of manipulative arsehole more than silence. He's owed nothing more, and his overactive imagination and/or heroic attemps at head games are his baggage to carry. OP had no agency in this particular predicament. She has not contributed to it, and is well within her rights to continue in this vein until he takes the hint and buggers off. And my prediction is that this will be a quick process and he won't be particularly persistent. If OP proves too tough a nut to crack, he'll work his 'charms' on a nearer, easier target.

OP's principal objective is that he gets to fuck. Silence is the quickest and most effective way of ensuring he does just that. Silence is uncompromising. You can't argue, manipulate or negotiate with silence. As to the 'be the better person' mode of response, that's always the stance expected of women, whereas the bar for men is set very much lower. We don't have to buy into it, so don't let those who constantly put pressure on women to be the 'gentle sex' persuade you otherwise.

This is brilliant and karma indeed!

I honestly don't think you should reply to him. You don't owe him anything and he doesn't get to demand your attention and start-up communication just because he feels like it. Don't fall into his trap. Head high and ignore...delete the message and block the tosser. His question doesn't deserve or need an answer.

Some of the replies you've got on here are so fucked up. I can't believe how much some people try to change the narrative...how on earth do you awful people have good relationships in real life? Ugh..what a way to be.

But .... b b b b but ... what about the MEN?

Just stop with the childish drama, there is absolutely no need for it.

I hope you are not an adult because your (and some other posters) attitude is very immature.

OP should just shut it down and move on with her life.

I’m not stopping anything! It’s you who has come on here trying to cause arguments with people and make up your own assumptions about what you THINK has happened. The op has clearly said what has happened, you choose to write a load of rubbish to suit your own narrative! Op has clearly said he told her her doesn’t do social media but you have conjured up some story that the op has blocked him on Instagram and that the guy’s friend has somehow got involved. It is you who is starting childish drama 🤣

"I am no longer interested in the man" OP cries as they write a massive paragraph after paragraph about how uninterested they are. I hope you've told him you haven't had his baby by now. Imagine when your DS grows up and a girl winds him up doing something similar to him? How would you feel then? Just tell the bloke ffs you are coming off as fully mental.

Please do OP and happy birthday to your beautiful daughter x

Hopefully her son won't grow up to be the kind of man who love bombs women, ghosts them and then pops up requesting a shag 6 months later.

I'm going to put the silly git out of his misery later on.

OP, you sound ace - self-aware, mature and reflective. Please don't dignify this manipulative creep with a response. It's been a couple of days of fun with some funny responses on this thread, but he is clearly just trying to pull you back in.

He is not your problem any more, and even if he does have a twinge of genuine concern it might be his child (spoiler alert: he doesn't), his mental state is not your responsibility to coddle.

Block and move on.

Imagine when your DS grows up and a girl winds him up doing something similar to him?

I suspect the OP is bringing up her son to be a damn sight more respectful of women than her low-rent, playball ex turned out to be.

Ha! Whenever I'm
On my and start sniggering DD and DHs first question now is "You on Mumsnet again?"

Yet that is still not as bad as allowing someone to think you've had their baby and leading them on to make them "sweat". There's ghosting someone, and there's allowing them to massively panic because they think they've fathered a child and the fact people are justifying it is honestly bonkers. Almost as unhinged as OP's story.

Hilarious 😆

Leading him on??

She didn't know he was there! He said he wasn't on social media!

He's invented this whole thing himself!

He's not "massively panicking", and even if he is it's a consequence of his own actions.

If he'd behaved decently, treated OP with respect, been honest about his intentions, ended the relationship in a mature way - any or all of these things - this would never have happened.

He's a liar and a creep, stalking her on social media and looking for ways to get the upper hand again. You're either lucky that neither you nor your close friends have ever encountered this type of man, very naive, or you have so much internalised misogyny that you will go in to bat for any man no matter how much of a cockwomble they are. I hope it's the former.

Gaslighting much 🤣

He literally sent her a message filled with panic lmao, are you drunk?

And thank you for your astute theories, really I'm just mature enough not to mess with someone's emotions for "KARMAAAA xxxx" about things are are big and serious.

Funnily enough, allowing someone to think you had their baby is the morally worse decision of the two of them. Also, you're only hearing one (very) convoluted side of the story, her actions make her worse than him which is just sad.

I don't think you understand what gaslighting means...

Out of interest, what would you do if the message was about something else?

If you would have blocked it with no response, that is what I would do in this situation. It's not your fault he's not only got the wrong end of the stick, he's snuck uninveited onto your property and picked up a stick that is nothing to do with him and now he's trying to get you to tell him which end is which and what he needs to do with it.

Not shutting it down and saying she didn't have his baby and allowing him to panic = leading him on. Pretty simple.

Funnily enough, allowing someone to think you had their baby is the morally worse decision of the two of them.

To be honest, if the people on this thread constantly claiming moral superiority really are right, then I don't want to be. It involves blaming women for everything, making up shite and making OP responsible for a guy jumping to mad conclusions when she didn't even know he was there.

I'd jump into the pentagram right now if I wouldn't find a whole HR department in there.

Oh I understand what gaslighting is perfectly! I have been a victim of gaslighting my entire life and I know what gaslighting is when I see it!!! You have just called the op ‘fully mental’ so trying to put into her head that she’s mental for being treated like shit by a man who has come back and contacted her after using her for sex and ghosting her!!! You are a gaslighter!