I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

[BlackFriYay]

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

I haven't read all of the thread but I agree with @YetMoreNewBeginnings @DuckbilledSplatterPuff @User1789 @317818we and @Winnading

This is just more head fuck to engage you in conversation. Please don't dignify it with a response. Block and ignore forever.

That sort of game playing would be fine if she hadn’t spent months being heart broken.

Ah, so now her heartbreak is the reason she should do what you tell her and accept your mad narrative in that it's all her fault one way or another. I would say that's clever, but it's not. It's transparent and ridiculous. As for attacking her for starting the thread, well, you've been posting on it, mate...

Jesus it’s like banging my head on a brick wall!!! No mutual friend has contacted the guy in question and even if his friends knew about it do you seriously think they follow op or sit around on social media looking at what she posts! Your replies are way too far fetched! You have a good imagination 🤣

And yes if he’s really that bothered then he WILL find a way to contact op outside of social media!!!

I have dealt with men like this before, they pop up months after ghosting to see if you are still interested and keep you on the hook only to disappear again!!! So yes my advice (and I got this advice from a man btw) is to ignore ignore ignore!

He didn’t mind doing all the ‘game playing’ with op did he though? You are so naive it’s unreal 🤣

Hahahaha you definitely have a weird perspective.

She may have been obsessed with him but she ended the relationship a while ago, worked hard to get herself to a better place and turned him down and blocked him when he tried restarting the relationship with her when it was already clear he was cheating.

And after all this he saw her profile picture despite the fact they are not even friends on social media and you are still trying to paint the picture that OP is obsessed with him but somehow he is so innocent in all this. Whatever.

@BlackFriYay let the bastard stew.

I would be so tempted to reply - ‘probably’, then leave it for 24 hours & then follow up with ‘ don’t be an idiot, work it out’ then block.

WTF are you on about?!

She doesn’t have to do anything I tell her.
She also doesn’t have to do what you tell her either.

This isn’t Eastenders, this is real life.

OP admits that it took months to get over the hurt of this man and admits that this man thinks he could have a baby with her.

The only response should be to tell him no and then block/delete and have nothing more to do with him - which I’ve said all along.

Sorry if myself and other posters aren’t whipping OP up into a state of drama like some of you are.

I guess this sort of thing must be exciting for you, if you have nothing else going on in your life.

Only read the first couple of pages and gave up.

I can't believe all the hahaha's and omg yes absolutely do this. Wtf. I struggle to beleive its grown women responding to this thread.

Bluntly, it's a horrible thing to do and makes you just as bad as him.

You say you won't make him think you have had his baby but this is exactly what you are doing - why else would you be hanging off, because you want to make him wonder. Horrible. Tell him the truth. Then block.

Totally tempting to leave him in hell but the grown up thing to do would be to reply (when you’re ready) to say “no, not yours” and then BLOCK. Anything else risks more engagement and dialogue and wasted energy, and that time has passed. What a tool 😂

Are you suggesting he should knock on her door?

How else is he meant to contact her if she’s blocked his number?

If you have sex with someone and 9 months later a baby is potentially born, then I’d hope you’d be man enough to check it’s not yours.

OP can either tell him no then block and delete - have nothing more to do with him.
Or not say anything/play games and be in contact with him for much longer than needed.

If a man treated me like he treated OP there is no way I’d be playing games with him or prolonging contact.

Obviously me and some of the other women on here have very different views than some other posters.
I guess some people enjoy drama and others don’t.

I would leave him on read purely for asking for another session with you. That makes me want to vomit.

Maybe he should ask this ‘mutual friend’ who saw the picture of the baby on Op’s Instagram (who you have dreamt up) to borrow his phone to contact the op!! 🤣

Op is not prolonging contact, she ended in February and when he came back she made it clear to him she wasn’t interested! HE is the one who is prolonging contact by keep coming back contacting her with ridiculous questions!

You guess some people enjoy drama do you? Yes YOU are one of them 🤣

She doesn’t have to do anything I tell her.

Yes, we know that. So why are you constantly trying to imply that it would be an act of moral turpitude if she doesn't? And then suddenly weaponising her heartbreak to the same end when that didn't work?

It's a rhetorical question.

Just to add to my previous reply, this isn't about 'making him sweat- ... its about you punishing him. Punishing him for what he done to you. Making someone beleive they have had a baby that they never knew about is at best, cruel and at worst, emotional abuse. You are just as bad, if not worse, than him. I'm actually horrified at the replies you have got on here. Do the decent thing and tell him the truth. Horrible behaviour. Two wrongs don't make a right.

This thread's a treat. There really are some devoted Pawns to the Patriarchy around, and either they are woefully naive or are wilfully so, in order to service the 'women need to do the "right" thing by men' routine.

I don't buy it for a second. To anyone but the greenest of green, this guy is so obviously playing stupid games that it's painful. And the measure for the stupidity of these games is the stupid games he's played in the past.

You know what they say about the prizes.

If he's reached an equation of 2+2=25, it's his problem. OP has not colluded in his behaviour, nor 'pretended' to be pregnant (how ludicrous). He's trying to open a dialogue. Because certain types of man - the ones who like to play games with women's heads, for instance - really do not like hearing the word 'no' coming from a woman. Once he gets a response from you he's reeled you in, and the stage is set.

The only response to such a head-screwing specimen of a human being is no response. Do not engage. If you do, you can guarantee you won't have heard the last of it. Best not to give them a way in in the first place.

Block, ignore and forget. This is the only surefire route to a lack of the 'drama' some Mumsnetters so love to bleat about. There is only one way to guarantee an avoidance of this.

And yes, you're entitled to an element of schadenfreude and a good old laugh at his expense. We are all only human ...

How am I enjoying the drama if I’m suggesting shutting it down asap and then blocking/ignoring him?

You and the others are trying to prolong and increase the drama because you obviously have nothing better to do.

Perhaps it was him stalking her SM page and not a mutual friend but I assume OPs profile is private and he is blocked.
So the only way he’d have found out is through a mutual friend.

If someone has a baby 9 months after you have sex with them, then the decent thing to do would be to check it’s not yours.

There doesn’t need to be any drama involved at all.

This.

@BlackFriYay Could you use something like Photoshop to make it look like triplets?

She didn't "make" him believe anything. She wasn't thinking about him. She posted a photo in good faith.

He "made" himself believe it by creeping on her social media after saying he never would. If he really had fucked off, he would never have seen it.

She's been clear she's not going to lie to him about it, but she's not obliged to prioritise setting him straight at the very first opportunity. He created this situation!

I applaud you, OP. You sound sane and sensible. Ignore the crazy posters on here. I would let him stew too - he sounds like a creep.

OMG he told op HE DOESNT DO SOCIAL MEDIA so how can she block him on Instagram when she didn’t think he was on Instagram!!! FFS 🤣! He found her because he was not blocked and he has indeed proved he DOES do social media! No mutual friend involved, you are bringing an 3rd party into the equation when there isn’t one! And if op’s profile is private the he wouldn’t have been able to see the picture in the first place! Again you are writing stuff just to fit your own narrative and tripping yourself up over it as you go along 🤣

Yes he has checked with op the baby is not his and the op. Not responding IS a response. It tells him he is IRRELEVANT to the baby and to op and she owes him no explanation about the baby pic! Do you think that op would have not been chasing this guy and tracking him down if it was his baby?

Let the git sweat haha or even better it's not yours haha.

@SurprisedWithAHorse but she is. What did she say, 'will I make him sweat?' - so, make him wonder then?! Horrible. Most people wouldnt want to make someone sit there wondering if their baby has been born without any way of finding out other than the person responding and confirming or denying. She is punishing him. No other way about it. Which makes her just as bad.

I don't think you need to descend to his level. I'd just reply and tell him the truth.

This. I don't believe for a second this arsehole thinks there's a baby, or that it could be his. It's just another attempt to engage the OP in mindfuckery.
If you do decide to reply OP, brace yourself for lots of wistful, sad messages about how he had imagined your beautiful future together and 'what could have been <sigh>'.

He did this to himself! He ditched OP without a word, told her he had no social media, then creeped on her in secret and severely overestimated his influence on her!

She doesn't have to drop everything and rescue him from his own self-created panic - with no basis - to spare him every possible second of it. It's his fault!