I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

[BlackFriYay]

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

The issue with this response though is that he may see it that op doesn’t believe it’s him so if she stops replying after asking that question or blocks him, he will just think that she didn’t believe it was him rather than knowing that she knows it’s him and she isn’t interested. He needs to know she knows it’s him and the best response the op could give is no response at all.

He isn’t interested in her.
Its hurtful but OP needs to accept that.

It was barely a fling for him that lasted a few weeks.
OP admits she was obsessed with him and it took months to get over the heartbreak.

In this situation the best thing to do would be to tell him he isn’t the father and then block him/have nothing else to do with him.

Encouraging OP to carry on the conversation with him, to imply it could be his baby or to ignore him knowing he’s going to keep trying to contact her is unfair on OP (and him).

OP these posters are not your friends. They do not care how much of a tit you make of yourself or how much this may hurt you in the long run.
They just want some entertainment for their own sad little lives.

Do not let this man back into your life.
That includes playing games with him and trying to make him find ways to keep contacting you.

You know he’s not going to stop contacting you until he finds out the truth.

Tell him the truth and then ignore and block on everything.

He shouldn’t ghost then if it’s not fair to not let him know if it’s his child! Do you really think a man who behaves like this would stick around if it was his child??

You are not op’s friend either and responding to him with “no it’s not your child” when it is very obvious it’s not his child is just playing into his hands. He wants to get a response from op and you’re suggesting she gives him one! If he was so concerned if it was his child, he would find another better method of contact rather than instagram! It’s bad taste to ask someone on Instagram if a child is theirs or not! He ghosted her, she owes him nothing!

I still think no response is the best response, tempting though it is to respond in some of the ways suggested.

No response at all until or unless you get the letter from his solicitor (who he will be paying) requesting a DNA test on your "baby". You then tell them both that there was/is no baby because you put up the photo to celebrate the birthday of your much older child and he only saw it because he was cyber stalking you.

That is the only response I would give, partly because he would end up paying to get egg on his face and partly because I couldn't be bothered with him and his crap.

I also think he is just using it as an excuse for contact. Best response is none and block him. He knows there’s no baby. He just can’t allow OP to get the last word.

@Afteropening why are you trying to shame the op for having sex and having feelings? She hasn't done anything wrong. You sound like a psycho.

Btw my dh and I said we loved each other within 3 months and have been together a long time. It happens.

If he was really a git to you I would photoshop 'born in (month 40 weeks on from your last shag) 2023' onto the baby's top. 😂

You do need to tell him really, but I would take it as an opportunity for a final dig. Words to the effect of: 'God no, why on earth do you think I would have a baby with YOU? Can you stop contacting me please? I'm NOT interested and have moved on'.

How is it very obvious that it’s not his child??

OP says they had sex 9 months ago and now she’s put a photo of a baby up on her SM.

Any man would think there is a chance that he could have a baby in this situation.

If a mutual friend said the women you were having sex with 9 months ago has just put a photo up of a baby - then you would reach out to them.

We all know that if he thinks there is a chance that this is his baby, he’s not going to stop contacting her until he finds out the truth.

Encouraging OP to ignore the message or play games is going to keep him in contact with her for longer - no one who is looking out for OPs best interests would ever suggest that.

You don't owe him any explanation or reply. I'd just block him without a word.

This thread will end up in the tabloid and he will find out that way, along with lots of other posts saying he is a prat. Maybe just wait that out instead.

no one who is looking out for OPs best interests would ever suggest that.

Since when did you care about OP's best interests?

this is a really good post

Honestly, I don’t know why we get posters like that on here, OP. I don’t know if it’s internalised misogyny or they’re just cunts, but so many posters on so many threads will fall all over themselves to rewrite a narrative to blame the OP. Who is usually a woman.

Ignore it. It’s them. Not you.

I don't mean to be impolite but you are talking complete rubbish. Again. You are constantly rewriting the story to fit your narrative dispite me, the person actually involved in the situation, telling you how it went.

You've now changed the time frame of the relationship to a few weeks! It was almost 4 months in total. Why are you doing that? I

I wasn't 'obsessed' at all.

I developed feelings for him which is what you would expect to develop when you're sleeping with somebody who's telling you they're really into you, so yes I was hurt when he switched up on me.

I didn't chase, beg, plead. Once I could be absolutely certain he was just using me for sex I cut all contact with him and allowed myself some time to get over it. Yes a few months. It's not abnormal for somebody to be sad about something like this for a while. I'm not a robot. I didn't contact the idiot once during that period of time. NC brought closure from within myself and I saw it for what it was. Felt a bit icky about it but meh we move forward.

I am NO LONGER interested in the man, hence telling him I am NO LONGER interested when HE contacted ME three weeks ago, wanting to see me.

If he "isn't interested" either he shouldn't be looking me up on social media. Why is he spending his time checking up on me on social media?

I don't want anything to do with him in any capacity.

I am no longer remotely bothered about what he thinks of me or wants from me. I don't think about him at all, until he approached me with this madness.

Yes, I find it very amusing. No, I'm not going to allow him to believe he has a child. I'm going to put the silly git out of his misery later on.

Because I’m not a nasty person and not looking for drama/entertainment.

Many posters forget that this is real life and not a soap or they just don’t care.

I also know what it’s like to feel hurt by a man and know that OP dragging it out is only going to hurt OP in the long run.

Yeah this is true. The social media thing would be funnier but just ignoring him is the wisest option here.

Change the photo to one of sextuplets.

I’m sure OP is smart enough to have a laugh at the more extreme posts without acting upon them. She is free to put a baby picture of her DC on her social media without having to explain it to anyone let alone someone NC since February. They have no mutual friends. I’m sure he can take no response as a NO!

Ask him for a sample of his hair as you are making a memory box of your life

I think people should disregard @Night409 and @Afteropening. At this point it really does seem like the same person posting under two account names. Also Night has blatantly disregarded any comment querying if they understand humour or that these comments are in jest. Honestly they are just here to either be wind up merchants or to die on this hill without any consideration for anyone else. They will ALWAYS be in the right.

Give it a rest.

PS: @BlackFriYay this thread has literally made my entire morning! 😂

OP is clearly smart and isn't going to do anything stupid just because some MN random suggested it. Stop insulting her intelligence under the guise of being noble.

The guy was an absolute prick, if he hadn't been Insta stalking her then he would never have seen the pic and she's got a right to share the laugh. She said from the very beginning that she knows she isn't going to do anything ridiculous, she's just enjoying ghosting the ghoster for a bit while he experiences the consequences of his own actions.

You and the other guy aren't highly moral and superior, trying to safeguard this woman's life. You're garden variety angry blokes who are determined to shame a woman at every step when she's done literally nothing wrong and try to claim morality points for it. Luckily she's much smarter than you think she is.

Honestly OP, stop trying to justify yourself to Laurel and Hardy. That's another fine mess!

He's just trying to provoke a reaction such that you contact him. Ignore, or block and ignore.

OP spent the time to start a thread on MN, asking whether she should make him sweat for a few days.

That sort of game playing would be fine if she hadn’t spent months being heart broken.

She then said he must have been thinking about it since 4pm - but she had also been thinking about it and gone out of her way to make and update a thread about it.
So she is more invested in this than he is.

No one’s trying to safeguard her life.
I’m just reminding her that there are many posters on here who have very sad lives and would not care if OP got hurt or made a twat out of herself, as long as they got some entertainment.

Any man who has hurt you, is not worth playing games with.

Anyone who isn’t looking for some entertainment would tell OP to tell him no straight away, block/delete and then have nothing to do with him.
Not drag it out so he keeps contacting her.

This is funny AF OP. Ignore the fun sponges. And ignore the comment about weird it was you were devastated after only being with him for three months. Some relationships are more intense than others and affect you differently.

Personally I'd just block him and his business account too. You owe him nothing.