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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

767 replies

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:54

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Afteropening · 16/11/2023 06:05

Momtotwokids · 16/11/2023 02:39

You won't be going to hell but maybe he will.

what? for clearly having different expectations for the very very brief fling he and the OP had.

This was a 3 month relationship from the day the Op met him to the last time they saw each other. During that time he ghosted her after sex multiple times. Consider fact OP is a single parent, so probably wasn’t able to see him very often. this was hardly the love affair of the century.

littlebopeepp234 · 16/11/2023 07:09

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 06:05

what? for clearly having different expectations for the very very brief fling he and the OP had.

This was a 3 month relationship from the day the Op met him to the last time they saw each other. During that time he ghosted her after sex multiple times. Consider fact OP is a single parent, so probably wasn’t able to see him very often. this was hardly the love affair of the century.

Edited
Show quote history

He may have had different expectations but he DID tell op that he doesn’t do hookups and is shy around women! Op was manipulated, I’m guessing he may have told her much more than this to keep her on the hook, possibly told her he wanted a relationship! He probably sprung back up full of apologies and “I won’t do it again” after each time of ghosting her. Some players even go as far as to say they want a future with you! You don’t know the full story and just keep harping on about the relationship lasting only 3 months! It was hardly 3 weeks or 3 days, it was 3 months which yes is short but it’s not as if she had only just met him, you’re getting to know someone after 3 months.

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 07:12

yes he told her that. probably on the first date.
and then they had sex, he ghosted her. and again. and again.

So…. yes he fibbed on the first date

but then proved he fibbed and the OP kept going nonethsless

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 07:13

3 months from meeting to never seeing again, especially when you’re adults and single parents… really isn’t a long time!

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 07:47

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 07:12

yes he told her that. probably on the first date.
and then they had sex, he ghosted her. and again. and again.

So…. yes he fibbed on the first date

but then proved he fibbed and the OP kept going nonethsless

No. That is not what happened. He was very full on for 2 months then switched up. It was early November - mid/late February so more like 4 months.

Being a single parent is irrelevant, he didn't meet my children.

Why are you trying to shame and blame me?

OP posts:
twinklystar23 · 16/11/2023 07:54

Wow this is great on another level to 'revenge is a Dish best served cold" without the intention of revenge! He really is up himself, don't respond let him sweat (bucket loads!)

Stopbloodybanging · 16/11/2023 08:04

In a few days time I might be tempted to reply, “What are you ‘so so paranoid’ about? That I was sleeping with someone else 9 months ago? I wasn’t. Or that I might be after you for child maintenance? I won’t be.”
Then block.
Or maybe just, “OMG, hilarious, no, not yours, thank god.”

dreambream · 16/11/2023 08:04

@BlackFriYay this is amazing haha... Since you only updated your profile photo, don't you also want to take a trip down memory lane and post some photos of your adorable little baby too?and reinforce his fears?

littlebopeepp234 · 16/11/2023 08:12

Stopbloodybanging · 16/11/2023 08:04

In a few days time I might be tempted to reply, “What are you ‘so so paranoid’ about? That I was sleeping with someone else 9 months ago? I wasn’t. Or that I might be after you for child maintenance? I won’t be.”
Then block.
Or maybe just, “OMG, hilarious, no, not yours, thank god.”

Then she falls right into his trap… pleading her innocence with him to reassure him she hasn’t found someone better! Nah… she needs to give him the same treatment he gave her and ghost! That shows him she doesn’t care about him, isn’t bothered about him and most of all tells him he’s a crap shag.

Fangisnotacoward · 16/11/2023 08:12

Mangledrake · 15/11/2023 17:20

I feel differently about this. He's doing the responsible thing, asking. The message is polite. It's not an off-the-wall response nine months after your relationship.

Just tell him the truth and then block away if you want to. But I wouldn't mess around with this sort of question. You'd want a man to take responsibility for his child. And it's pretty cruel to play with this if he's childless and wants kids.

Understand completely about feeling messed about after a relationship like that, but in my experience you get people out of your head faster if you don't play games or think about revenge. Just no, old photo, move on. Don't give him headspace.

I'm sure he's already had enough of a shock anyway!

This.

While he is clearly a knob, he's done the responsible thing and asked.

It would be massively unfair to block him and potentially leaving him wondering for the rest of his life if he has a child. That's really not on. Come on.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 16/11/2023 08:25

Fangisnotacoward · 16/11/2023 08:12

This.

While he is clearly a knob, he's done the responsible thing and asked.

It would be massively unfair to block him and potentially leaving him wondering for the rest of his life if he has a child. That's really not on. Come on.

Show quote history

The message stinks of desperation for the health of his wallet. Perhaps if he has to worry for the rest of his life that he might have a child, he will think more carefully about how he treats potential mothers of his children?

And, as PPs have suggested, it might be a ruse to get OP to talk to him again in the hope of more sex.

Let's not forget that he looked at her Insta for basically no reason.

littlebopeepp234 · 16/11/2023 08:27

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 07:12

yes he told her that. probably on the first date.
and then they had sex, he ghosted her. and again. and again.

So…. yes he fibbed on the first date

but then proved he fibbed and the OP kept going nonethsless

You are missing the point of this entire thread! Op didn’t post it for people’s opinions on if she was right to ‘go back for more’ or not, the op’s point is that this guy has the audacity to stalk her social media after ghosting her and then asks if the picture of the baby she posted is his which op has found hilarious and other posters are also giving back equally hilarious responses! No point trying to shame op, I’m sure she feels bad enough about keep having this tosser back without you reminding her BUT that wasn’t the point of her thread!

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 08:28

BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 07:47

No. That is not what happened. He was very full on for 2 months then switched up. It was early November - mid/late February so more like 4 months.

Being a single parent is irrelevant, he didn't meet my children.

Why are you trying to shame and blame me?

Edited
Show quote history

I am a single parent

i am not trying to shame you

but you said three months
you said you thought you loved him
you said he repeatedly ghosted you after sex
you said it took you “months” to get over him

So all i’ve done is read that you went in very heavy despite him really showing you otherwise. and only in this post are you saying it was great until the end

littlebopeepp234 · 16/11/2023 08:30

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 08:28

I am a single parent

i am not trying to shame you

but you said three months
you said you thought you loved him
you said he repeatedly ghosted you after sex
you said it took you “months” to get over him

So all i’ve done is read that you went in very heavy despite him really showing you otherwise. and only in this post are you saying it was great until the end

Show quote history

What has this got to do with the 3 month relationship ENDING because he ghosted op and then has the cheek to come back and stalk op on social media? She hasn’t gone back to him since February fgs! HE is the one who now keeps going ‘back for more’!!

CecilyP · 16/11/2023 08:33

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 08:28

I am a single parent

i am not trying to shame you

but you said three months
you said you thought you loved him
you said he repeatedly ghosted you after sex
you said it took you “months” to get over him

So all i’ve done is read that you went in very heavy despite him really showing you otherwise. and only in this post are you saying it was great until the end

Show quote history

Having only just read all of OPs posts after the first page, I think you’ve taken a lot from other people’s comments rather than what OP has actually written.

OP, I wouldn’t do anything. He’ll probably twig sooner or later that it’s one of your existing kids. If not, who cares!

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 08:36

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 08:28

I am a single parent

i am not trying to shame you

but you said three months
you said you thought you loved him
you said he repeatedly ghosted you after sex
you said it took you “months” to get over him

So all i’ve done is read that you went in very heavy despite him really showing you otherwise. and only in this post are you saying it was great until the end

Show quote history

Again, no.

I explained pages ago that it was very full on for 2+ months and then he switched up, almost overnight, and started going off radar until he wanted sex by which point I had developed feelings for him and against my better judgement accepted the excuses he would come back with.

I don't even think any of that is relevant to the thread.

The length of time makes little difference to the fact he misrepresented his intentions.

OP posts:
Seaglass7 · 16/11/2023 08:37

Love this OP! Sounds like you had a lucky escape! ‘One more sessions’ - what a prick!

Whatafustercluck · 16/11/2023 08:41

Do it. What a prick.

I'd be tempted to play with him a bit after the initial ghosting though - hint that he owes you x months of maintenance 😂

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 08:43

Shall I open the message? 😁

OP posts:
Louise303 · 16/11/2023 09:02

Make him even more suspicious take the baby photo off and put your account on private without opening the message.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 09:10

BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 08:43

Shall I open the message? 😁

If you do, leave it on read.

Allmarbleslost · 16/11/2023 09:19

I would open it and reply:

"who is this? I know you're not xxx - he doesn't have social media"

TrashedSofa · 16/11/2023 09:26

Allmarbleslost · 16/11/2023 09:19

I would open it and reply:

"who is this? I know you're not xxx - he doesn't have social media"

Do that!

littlebopeepp234 · 16/11/2023 09:36

Yes open it and leave him on read. If you reply or engage in conversation in any way it will make him feel better about himself. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 09:37

No response is a response, and it's a powerful one. That's why ghosting and ignoring messages drives people so mad...

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