I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

[BlackFriYay]

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

was it you love bombing him?!

because i can’t see that in 3 months when he repeatedly ghosted you during those 3 months that there was much love bombing going on from him!

you would go to hell on a hot boat if you didnt .......draaaaaaaaaaaaaag out any sort of response.

Come on, whingers. How is it OP's fault that the ghoster with no social media whom OP had no idea was watching her has started following her? How is this an example of her moral turpitude? I can't wait to hear it.

Yes!

I was almost as upset about him as I was my 10+ year relationship ending.

His type does a number on you, what can I say. It does feel very silly looking back but that's how I felt at the time.

He mirrored me completely. Everything I was into, he was into. Yada yada. Of course it was all BS but believable at the time.

That’s his problem! He shouldn’t use people for sex and then ghost them and then wonder if that person got pregnant with his baby! Simples!

Oh come off it! You obviously don’t have experience with such men! Maybe google ‘dismissive avoidant attachment style’! They do the whole live bombing and then ghosting perfecy well!! Also do your research on players! They have form for manipulative behaviour to get someone into bed and then ghost afterwards!

Two very intense months and then he switched up completely, hot and cold for the last month where we'd see one another and everything would be great and then he'd blank me for a week until he wanted sex.

I don't know why any of this sounds that out of the ordinary to people, this happens all of the time on OLD. Unfortunately.

'No she is not yours. I met a lovely man shortly after I lost interest in you'

Usual story, he intensely love bombs by messaging/calling for a few days when it suits him then drops off the face of the earth until they are bored again. Then just repeat over and over.

OP, situationships or short ‘relationships’ like this to tend to be much more difficult to get over than proper relationships! If it took you a few months to get over it then that’s how long it took 🤷🏻‍♀️ you don’t need berated for it! I suspect a lot on MN haven’t had the joy of experiencing dating in 2023..!

Thank you! This with bells on.

He didn't introduce himself as the knob he turned out to be he seemed like a decent, kind person.

Maybe he doesn't have social media.

Maybe someone else saw the post and told him about it - that's what occurred to me first, before I saw the slew of posts assuming cyber stalking

And being told you'd posted a baby pic, he's trying to find out what is going on.

He does need to be told the truth.

But I wouldn't condemn you to hell if you didn't reply straight away

Exactly! The people who are trying to turn the blame on you are either ridiculously naive or just looking for an argument. You only need to have a look through the relationships board on here to see how many threads have been created by women in similar situations who have been ghosted soon after sex.

If I were to be pedantic, It was the first week of November we met for the first time so it was more like 4 months 😂 😬

But yes, very regrettable period and I have learned a valuable lesson from it. I am alot more cynical with OLD now and if and when I do bother again I'll know what to look out for.

I'm so glad I read this comment. I had a bf who I was utterly heartbroken about ending even though we were together 10 months and I've always thought I'd be super fucked if I ever have to go through a "proper" breakup. But this comment had made me realise its not just the breakup it's the type of relationship you breakup from! And he sounded much like yours.

This is hilarious OP - I would 100 percent let him sweat for a few days!

Unless he had specifically mentioned me to somebody he knows then there's no way my social media posts would get back to him as we don't have friends in common or live in the same area.

Ignore his msg you owe this man nothing!

Well then he could easily ask that person about it, couldn't he? If they know so much about OP!

This!
He's a con man. He knows exactly what he's doing and he knows its not his baby. 12-year-old photos look older than modern ones. They just do.

He's said something deliberately controversial because he thinks you will rush to deny it and then the conversation gets started up again.

Imagine if he'd just started up the convo with something banal like How are you? He knows its not appealing or interesting enough to tempt you.... but say something quite shocking and intimate that you would have to comment on and bingo.

So although its entertaining and satisfyingly therapeutic to read all the suggested replies - not replying and blocking will demonstrate that you are wise to his tactics, and that he's not as clever as he thinks he is, and that will torment him more.

@Night409 you’re as batshit as he is. Him assuming something isn’t the same as her pretending something. God, I’d love to be a fly on the wall at yours listening to the crazy convos you just have

Tell him the truth:

The baby is yours.

Then ask how much child support he's offering.

Watch him ghost you once more as you block him and tighten up your privacy settings.

Whatever you do, make sure you have a thoroughly good time. He owes you that at the very least.

It's definitely not a you problem!

With 'normal' relationships you tend to get some closure but with situationships or when you're being fucked about, you don't get that. There's always "what ifs" and "why" 's.

I was equally as surprised as you when I looked at how upset I was Vs how long we were actually a thing.

I also learned about Limerence and that was an interesting read 🙂

Let him stew!

Exactly! a quick trawl through the account history would show there are no bump photos or hospital delivery photos or pictures of cute baby clothes.

He knows there's no baby.