To be annoyed DH didn't work from home today

[lavenderdillydilly]

DH will often work from home if he's overslept. I would say at least 3 days a week he does this. His company policy is to be in the office at least three days a week and often he struggles to manage it. He's new so it makes it even worse he can't manage to get into the office. However, they do seem very flexible and so long as he gets his work done he seems ok so far.

DC (7 months old) has been down with a cold the past few days but the last couple of days I've been hit by a bad toothache. It's given me headaches and partially deaf in one ear. I'm hoping it's the toothache that's caused it anyway! DC woke every hour last night. DH slept in spare room. I messaged him to ask him to WFH today as I could really use the support. I woke up to see he's gone and he hasn't even messaged to see if we're ok. I am trying to not be annoyed but the day before he went to work and left everything where it was from the night before. He had to work late so I woke up to find crisp packet, drinks, glasses, cereal bowl all just left in the living room. When he got home yesterday he just went to bed (I guess because he had his all nighter with work).

I'm trying to rationalise that he cannot just WFH whenever but also know he clearly can given he does for no good reason every week.. AIBU to be annoyed?

You are not being unreasonable for being upset that he didn’t reply to your message or check in on you guys - feel better soon

You texted him in the spare room?!?!?! For goodness sake - I can 100% believe he didn't see it until it was too late.

I think some people are missing the point entirely. If he regularly works from home due to his inability to wake up then it's safe to assume that he just didn't want to be at home that day to support OP. And if that is the case, he is being completely unsupportive. As a couple who regularly works from home, and looks after the kids we support each other where we can, even if it's using a break period to make dinner, help with something else and we take it in shifts. Your partner is entitled to lunch/breaks so he could use these to help and it wouldn't be intruding on his work day. What does your partner do? Why is he unable to wake up to his alarm but is also working into the night? You guys need to have a sit down and a chat, maybe buy a board where you can plan a weekly schedule. Help your partner wake in the morning so that he can make a good impression at work. If you're not an effective team who support one another things are going to fall apart real quick and resentment will seep in.

I was once on a work call with a couple of clients who were laughing and congratulating themselves on booking the meeting late so they could miss bedtime with their kids (my kids were in the other room with haribo and cbeebies so I could be at this meeting myself).

I was not sad when I ended that contract.

In the 20 years since, I've heard the same from so many men - and not one woman, they've always been either a bit sad, or grateful for the break but guilty for doing it.

My own ex did bedtimes (under protest - I did everything else) - but only if I told him it was bedtime. He never once took a day off when me or the kids were sick - it was always me.

That's just a few of the reasons he's an ex.

Hey all,

Thanks for your replies. I think DH does have some kind of depression, low motivation etc and uses TV to destress at night and likes to fall asleep to something rather than go to bed if that makes sense.

He genuinely missed my message and offered to come home. At the same time he is trying to be better with work and go in as many times as they would like him to.

Erm how have you decided it's safe to assume that? I could just as easily say that its safe to say a guy who regularly doesnt wake up for work in time, is disorganised enough to to not check his phone regularly either.