Did you let yourself go when you had young kids?

[Timbucktwo]

I hate that saying, but not sure how else to put it.
My dc is 5 and now at school and it’s like I’m really properly seeing myself for the first time again. Went clothes shopping alone today, honestly don’t think I’ve done this in years, actually tried stuff on and felt depressed. Looking at myself, I’ve put on so much weight (am likely peri too and mid 40’s) my hair needs a good cut, eyebrows need doing. I bought some clothes, have booked to have a fair amount of my hair chopped off (currently long) eyebrows done and ordered an exercise bike.
Frankly I can’t believe how I’ve been walking around recently, hair unwashed, no make up, old clothes. I just find I have no time at all and only have one child! (Suspected adhd though, so very wonderful but intense and full on child)
Also realised I spend no money on myself, mainly my choice as I spend lots on Dd, but it’s really time to take care of myself too.
Was anyone else the same and how did you get back to you? Is this normal?

No, I haven’t. DC is 15 months and I put make
up on and ran the straighteners over my hair from the day I got out of hospital.

But that’s because it’s important to me for my own self esteem. I also refused to perpetuate the stereotype that women do let themselves go once they have kids. Not all of us!

I was really lucky though in that I only put on ‘baby weight’ in my pregnancy and walked for an hour and a half everyday with the pram during my maternity leave so I was back to pre pregnancy weight within about 6-8 weeks.

I also had an easy baby too, which helps A LOT. It only takes me 5 mins to put a bit of make up on though so I don’t see it as a hardship. I just started as I meant to go on.

It really is priorities, I’ve always prioritised my looks I guess, so that wasn’t going to change once I had a DC too much.

Yes and find it gets harder as they get older. I had more time when they were little.
My hairs a mess, I'm probably 5 stone over weight, live in leggings and long tops.
No money or time to do much. Want to look better but where to start :(

I have. Mine are 5 and 3. I do the basics of course, shower every day, dental hygiene, deodorant etc.
I don't have time to straighten hair, do make up, do nails etc. Both of my kids are quite 'attached' read: clingy. I am clean and presentable. My hair is brushed, clean and tied up. Is it highlighted and straightened as it was pre -children? Nope
I genuinely don't care though 🤷🏼‍♀️

I eat healthily, take care of my skin and hair, but dress casually and don’t wear makeup like I used to. My kids are v young and I have a toddler and a baby, so I’m very busy and tired! But I’m happy with how I look. I do my nails and wear perfume. I don’t feel like I’ve ‘let go.’

My baby is 9 months old and I've really let things slide. I lost a lot of weight for our wedding and then maintained whilst pregnant but piled it on since baby arrived. I've now gained double what I lost for the wedding. I look back at pictures of when baby was born and can't believe how good I look in comparison to now. I've been trying to regroup for the last few weeks but finding it really hard. Also have no make up on and frizzy hair most the time which again I was really on top of before baby.

No. I didn't put on full make up every day or anything but I'd never walk around with unwashed hair or old clothes all the time. I was a lone parent from when DS was a baby and managed to shower daily!

I did for a while.

Went shopping/lunch with my sister one day as we were child free…

Sat down for lunch and she asked me to show her what I’d bought for myself… Not a damn thing!

She had a stern word with me and I started doing better. Had completely forgotten about myself ☹️.

My self esteem isn't really based on appearance. I didn't wear loads of makeup before and still don't wear loads now.

I have always kept on top of washing my hair etc, clean neat clothes. My hair grows slowly, I have it cut a couple of times a year. I did put some weight on but it was more lockdown than the kids and I'm exercising and eating healthier now.

I have a 2 and 3 yo. I workout after they go to bed 2-3 times a week and do my hair and face properly most days.

My clothes are a lot more casual - nice dresses don’t quite have the same effect in soft play or on yet another “puddle walk”…

A bit but not massively.
Went up from a size 8 to a 10/12 (I’m tall though).

I’ve always kept up my exercise, but less than pre-kids.

My sweet tooth is still an issue. But can’t blame kids for that!

What also was a disaster for me was Covid hitting when my DC was just one - I gave up getting ready and would just wear the same joggers for days. I still WFH and never went back to the office after Covid but I now try and make an effort to at least get dressed 😳

When my 2 were babies and then growing up, I always, every morning, showered, washed my hair, put make-up on and dressed nicely. Always. Now, I'm mid 60s, have had a lot of health problems, and am several stones too heavy. However, I wear make-up and blow-dry my (coloured) hair every time I leave the house 9not on days when I choose not to go out)

I've always dressed like I'm off for a day on the allotment, and since having my kid I have been leaning into the baggy, woolly jumpers. Been trying to come out of that phase and also sort out my super curly, frizzy hair. Sometimes self care just feels unnecessary, but I think it does have its place in our lives. It can boost your self esteem, and that positivity will spill out into other aspects of your day. This is normal, you are not in the minority.

No. If anything I'm more cautious about my appearance and health and skin.

My children are almost 2 and 4 months.

Hmm…I need to make more effort…I suppose any free time I do have, I choose to read, watch tv or just sit in silence for a minute 😅but I do feel crap about myself and that’s not good

@RockAndRollerskate What sort of working out do you do when they go to bed?
I fear I’m too far gone now 😣

Yes and no. I have never measured my self worth by my appearance and wasn't into make up and clothes to begin with. But that was in part because before DC I was young and well rested! Since DC I have found that I look so much worse in my face, tired and pale, so I actually wear make up now, and as a result look better than I did before. Also when DC was a baby I would wear casual clothes that often ended up stained. No that DC is at nursery I wear clothes that look slightly better. I have put on some weight, maybe a dress size, that I would like to lose. So all in all a mixed bag.

After DD1, I actually looked the best I’ve ever looked and probably will ever look in my life. I started working out, lifting weights, always had my hair done, extensions, make up on, wore nice clothes.

I had DD2 18 months ago and blimey. 😩 I’ve just not had time for myself, my only comfort/enjoyment has been food so I’ve gained so much weight and I have no time to workout. Because I’m now so fat and as a result look like a fat ugly man, I don’t put make up on or nice clothes as I’m kind of like ‘what’s the point?’ It actually would be the equivalent of rolling a turd in glitter.

Me too op. Two kids Full time job , one is autistic and no family in the area I literally just shower and put my hair in a ponytail. I have to dress decently for work (deputy head) But between running to (and paying for) sports and therapies I have not one minute for myself. I hate the way I look and miss the old me who loved fashion and make up and hair.

I tried to make an effort, but when I look at myself when I had two under 5 I didn’t look great. I lost my fashion sense for a bit, I had an ageing ‘mum Bob’ haircut and I was carrying too much weight. I feel I look better now they’re teens, despite being 30-odd then and in my mid-forties now.

No.

I hate make up and fashion and given the choice would have my hair really short and wear jeans and a hoodie every day.

I looked pretty good before I had kids but I put precisely zero effort into it.

After I had kids I looked a lot more tired, but still hated make up and fashion and lived in jeans and hoodies until they went to school and I went back to work and had to wear some of the crappy clothes that workplaces consider acceptable.

when dc1 and dc2 were very little I looked horrendous. Clothes with holes in, didn’t have a haircut in years, put on weight and didn’t exercise at all.

after dc3 (and planning our wedding which was good motivation) I lost a lot of weight, started at the gym, started using fake tan etc

I feel a lot better for it. But I don’t necessarily feel bad for not doing it earlier. Being a parent is a massive adjustment and sometimes something has to give.

It sounds like now might be the right time for you to start focusing on you.

No, I have 4 children (youngest just turned 1), and I’m training for a half marathon. I exercise at least 5 times a week.

I get my hair highlighted and my nails done.

Now, on a day to day basis, I don’t get dressed up, or wear much (or even any!) make up, but I keep the foundations relatively intact so I can get done up for a (very rare) night out.

No, I put make up on about 18 hours after having an emergency c section but I was young then doubt I’d bother now.
I went back to work when dc was 8 months old to a physical job so my weight dropped back down and I had to be clean and presentable and out of the house in the morning at least 5 days a week to get dc to nursery and me to work in a busy customer facing role so didn’t have a choice really.
I look and feel much worse now with a more sedantry job and a teenager, the stress alone is aging me about 5 years for every year he gets past 13.

I did for a bit but found that it was really impacting my mood. So now, I shower every am (even if I have to dump the kids in with me or set them up playing at the door). I do exercise with them. HIT on tv (they mimic me) and have a running buggy (though that’s been paused as I’m currently 7mths pregnant with #3 and found it uncomfortable, but I’m looking forward to getting back into it after). I’ve got mine scooting and beginning to cycle (aged 3&2) and it’s meant we can do longer walks - typically ended in up in a playground. But that’s helped too, bringing headphones and using the time to phone friends/family is an additional motivator to get out!
Food wise, I stopped cooking toddler food and mine eat what we eat (or bits of it anyway) which encourages me to eat less crap!
Since kids - the beauty routine has slipped. Ie hair appointments/nails are now a very odd treat. But generally I can still wear the clothes I did prior to babies. Make up bag lives in the car - and has become much more minimal/quicker but I still like a bb cream, blusher or bronzer and mascara. And feel a lot more “like me” when I pause to give myself the two mins!
I look more tired (because I am)…and it’s so tempting to crash on the sofa after long work/kid days and do very little BUT I try to remind myself that it genuinely makes me feel so much worse about myself and less content…and knowing that, helps get me up. Even if it’s for a few mins. I started doing 15 min home workouts - and on days I don’t want to bother, that’s what I turn too again!

I didn't let myself go. I did stop caring so much about clothes and make up. Realised they weren't important. I'm actually happier and more confident in my mid 40s (youngest is 9 tbf). I wear clothes I like, colour my hair how I like and if some days I want a bun and active wear that's OK too