Did you let yourself go when you had young kids?

[Timbucktwo]

I hate that saying, but not sure how else to put it.
My dc is 5 and now at school and it’s like I’m really properly seeing myself for the first time again. Went clothes shopping alone today, honestly don’t think I’ve done this in years, actually tried stuff on and felt depressed. Looking at myself, I’ve put on so much weight (am likely peri too and mid 40’s) my hair needs a good cut, eyebrows need doing. I bought some clothes, have booked to have a fair amount of my hair chopped off (currently long) eyebrows done and ordered an exercise bike.
Frankly I can’t believe how I’ve been walking around recently, hair unwashed, no make up, old clothes. I just find I have no time at all and only have one child! (Suspected adhd though, so very wonderful but intense and full on child)
Also realised I spend no money on myself, mainly my choice as I spend lots on Dd, but it’s really time to take care of myself too.
Was anyone else the same and how did you get back to you? Is this normal?

I have always been someone who likes to look my best, so, no, I didn't stop prioritising looking after myself after I had children. I think in order to be the best mum I can be, I have to have time to do things for me.

Definitely let myself go but also slightly relieved about it. I never overly cared about my weight as I knew that as a woman with a bent back I was not that attractive anyway. What I found harder were female relatives constantly hassling me about not presenting myself correctly. My bras were never good enough, I did not brush my hair nicely enough and my clothes were either not ironed correctly or did not fit in the way they thought it should. These constant criticisms were exacerbated by the fact that I am autistic so thought these silly rules perhaps might be something that helps people find partners, jobs and friends. Now I have a kid, I realised that everything is not going to fall apart if I don't subscribe to their stupid standards. I would like the time and space to express myself but mostly just relieved that it was the made up rubbish I always suspected it to be.

I definitely have let myself go a bit and am only really starting to reclaim myself now 5 years in to parenting. I started off by having a regular haircut which gave me time away from the kids and a boost to my self-esteem. My skin has changed a lot since kids and I’m constantly on the hunt for a foundation or tinted moisturiser that doesn’t dry my face out or sink into my huge pores!

I go on Pinterest to find outfits that I like and then I go on eBay/Vinted to find pieces that match them as close as possible.

I’m thinking of joint a gym again. Exante and the school run helped me drop a lot of weight but it’s all come on again as I lost focus. Focusing on yourself has to become another commitment really!

Yes I have, but partly because of physcial changes as a result of giving birth.

One of the biggest that impacted me was postpartum hairloss. I have thin hair anyway but i had lots fall out, including my hairline. It’s never recovered fully.

I would say i look older and tired because I AM. My son is 3 and has never been a good sleeper.

Also because of lack of local support, working and exhaustion, i’m heavier than before. My new flabby belly as a result of c section has also made it more difficult for me to find trousers that fit, considering i’m also 5ft. So i just wear casual stuff whatever i can get into, which is mostly leggings. I also don’t wear jewellery or nice earrings as my 3 year old will pull them. And nursery fees are obliterating my bank account so i don’t have much spare money to go on me.

aaaand i’m about to do it all for a second time 😂

Not at first. I didn't put on much in pregnancy and lost it quickly afterwards. Over the years, though, the lack of time, depression and some physical health issues have not had a positive effect. I'm trying to sort my weight out and will hopefully have more time in the future for exercise when things calm down a bit.

Not really, I was quite lucky with my weight after my first DS, I lost a lot through breastfeeding and walking everywhere (I don't drive), so was quite a bit smaller than before. I also always put on a bit of make up but very quickly. I was the same after my second DS but obviously had less time. I've always just scrunch dried my hair, although I do dye it different colours and get it cut now and again. I'm fair so look awful without any make up, I've just had surgery and started wearing make up again the following day. I've always loved clothes so find that bit easy and haven't worked in an office very much since before the kids, so can have my own style. I've rarely bothered with having my nails done etc. I suppose I'm quite hight maintenance but in a relatively inexpensive way, although I do sometimes wish that I had the confidence to care less.

I dress appropriately to my role.

When I worked in the City it was appropriate to wear make up and a suit and have expensive haircuts.

Now I spend a lot of time crawling around on the floor with toddlers/animals and getting food/muck on my clothes, I live in baggy sportswear and tie my hair back. Haven’t worn make up in years, horrible stuff.

I don’t see this as ‘letting myself go’, I get more exercise and fresh air than I did when I worked in the City so am healthier. And personally I have never thought straightened hair or make up looks good, it just looks closer to current ‘make gaze’ cliches about how women should look.

But DH thinks I have let myself go yes 😬 I tell him he’s lucky I still shave my legs (and I’d love to stop, but he’d sulk).

Completely! Trying to pull it back because would love to feel better about myself, but working full time with two small children doesn’t leave much time. I shower everyday and moisturise etc, some days manage make up, others not if the toddler is being demanding. I don’t have the type of hair that can be styled quickly so it’s usually shoved up. Trying to find time to exercise, need new clothes but time and money is a challenge! Hopefully another couple of years and it will be easier!

A little, but that was more due to the pandemic tbh, lockdowns. It was actually quite nice, as I went from wearing a full face of makeup daily since being 13-14 to becoming truly happy with my bare face and thinking I looked really nice without a scrap of makeup on. I remember the day I walked past a mirror in Morrisons and thought 'oh, I like my face' without makeup on. It wasn't that I was self-conscious about it, I just was so used to seeing my face with makeup I thought I looked exhausted and ill without it. I wear it again now but am perfectly happy going out without any makeup at all which feels really liberating!

In terms of other stuff though, hair and weight and dressing, no, I didn't 'let myself go' at all. As soon as I got done breastfeeding I was the heaviest I've ever been, a pound away from being clinically overweight, started losing and had it all off within a handful of months. Never went a day without washing my hair, even with a very difficult baby and barely sleeping for months. Feeling clean is just something that is and was non-negotiable to me, I can't imagine going through the day without having had a proper shower and clean hair.

This is not the point of your post but it’s not C-sections they cause ‘flabby bellies’.

Oh sod off lol. You have no idea what issues I had and what my recovery was like. What a picky reply.

Not sure why that person made such a weird comment to you. But I’m 4’10 and I have a C-section tummy as well. Definitely look into the petite range on asos as they’re the only brand I’ve found that fits perfectly both around my stomach and length wise also!

No. It is something I always prioritised though and DS was an easy baby.

I will have 3 under 2 by April so ask me again then. 😂

I don't wear make up as often as i used to, and when i do i use a BB cream instead of foundation, which i find too cakey now on my skin.
But i get my roots done every 4-6 weeks, a trim 3 times a year, i wash and straighten it twice a week and i do fresh nail wraps every week (before wraps i'd go to the salon and get gels nails)
I've done this for years, makes me feel better and my husband loves having our daughter to himself during that me time (she can be a bit of a mummy's girl even now aged 7)
Clothes i'm less bothered by nowadays, i buy from vinted most of the time, but i don't follow trends etc, i buy what i find comfortable and smart.

Absolutely, I wish I hadn't, but I am where I am. Trying to get back to myself now, well if anything an improved version because I was a bit lax on self care before as well (only in a different way before kids I partied hard, smoked, and didn't eat enough I put more effort into my clothes and wore makeup, hair etc. though), so trying to do the good bits without the bad and add in the good habits I've gained, like skin care and quitting smoking and partying.

No, in the sense that nothing changed about my personal grooming routine. I've never worn makeup, I hardly ever buy clothes so everything is, de facto old. I eat the same amount (not a lot) of the same stuff (mostly crap) and do the same amount of exercise (none) as before, so I haven't gained weight, and I was my hair on the same schedule as ever.

I did feel a little overwhelmed when DC1 was very tiny, and felt I had to really carve out time to brush my teeth and jump in the shower. I can easily see how these things can slip. Nevertheless I think it really helps not to have a lengthy routine in the first place. I can get ready for the day in ten mins if I need to, just getting out bed, having a quick wash in the sink, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair and getting dressed, so there's not much to let go of.

Just after having my DD I definitely felt like I did. I felt like I had no idea what was in fashion and everything had to be fit for breastfeeding. She also slept horrible until she was 4 but felt I was able to focus more on my clothes once she had turned 2.

I lost the baby weight on mat leave but gained it back during office working and not moving much/eating well. I always wore makeup and did my hair as that was important for me and something I enjoy. Now my DD is in reception and Ive lost the weight I gained plus and extra stone and I’m feeling so much better.

I do think it’s hard on women’s bodies and appearance to have babies, and no wonder! Be kind to yourself and find why you can do to make yourself feel better.

@MariaVT65 I agree with you about the c section belly.

Even after sorting out the diastasis recti and losing weight I still have a small but perceptible overhang, I hate it so much.

After my first, I bounced back, hair make up nails always done, lost weight. Another two since then and I no longer give a shit. I look older - because I am older. I look tired? Yes, because I'm tired! I've put on weight? Don't give a shit, my body changed cos I birthed babies.

Washed hair and clean clothes - always. Time for myself? Yes sure but it's for reading and knitting, not preening in front of a mirror, I don't judge others who need that to feel good about themselves, but its not for me! And once I saw this graphic - I really, really stopped giving a shit. I'm happy as i am now and I dont care what anyone thinks.

Yes definitely. I just don't have the time, I do what I can at home (dye hair, fake fan occasionally) but my partner works nights and weekends and I work full time in the week - i have no time to go hairdressers, exercise classes, get my eyebrows done. I struggle just getting to the supermarket most weeks! Feel really down about it

“Wondering how many of these saying they have plenty of time to get ready or always manage to do it are SAHP?”
Ive never been a sahp, I went back to work 22-30 hours a week when my dc was 8 months old, and I was a single parent by then through no fault of my own other than choosing the wrong man to fall in love with in the first place.
Its because I had to work I had to get ready, clean and presentable every day, customer facing role, hundreds of customers a day I had to wear clean uniform and have my hair to an acceptable standard.
If I could have stayed at home and not bothered I would have but I couldn’t afford to.

I think I’ll always have the overhang after two c sections. It wasn’t too bad after one but after two I don’t think it’s going anywhere - the way it’s stitched and the scar tissue I can feel inside feels like it’s sort of doubled over on itself. Even if I got to a size 8 (I’m a 14-16) I think it would still be there. Kind of accepted it. It’s swimwear and nice underwear I find it most depressing with.

I did let myself go a bit at first but not for very long. Going back to work part time helped a lot.