Did you let yourself go when you had young kids?

[Timbucktwo]

I hate that saying, but not sure how else to put it.
My dc is 5 and now at school and it’s like I’m really properly seeing myself for the first time again. Went clothes shopping alone today, honestly don’t think I’ve done this in years, actually tried stuff on and felt depressed. Looking at myself, I’ve put on so much weight (am likely peri too and mid 40’s) my hair needs a good cut, eyebrows need doing. I bought some clothes, have booked to have a fair amount of my hair chopped off (currently long) eyebrows done and ordered an exercise bike.
Frankly I can’t believe how I’ve been walking around recently, hair unwashed, no make up, old clothes. I just find I have no time at all and only have one child! (Suspected adhd though, so very wonderful but intense and full on child)
Also realised I spend no money on myself, mainly my choice as I spend lots on Dd, but it’s really time to take care of myself too.
Was anyone else the same and how did you get back to you? Is this normal?

Not really no. I have two DV and particularly after my second I was aware I wanted to feel like me again and it motivated me to lose baby weight (and keep it off). I finally dealt with a skin issue after finishing breastfeeding and now take really good care of my skin.

I don't wear a lot of makeup, some days none but I always look tidy and presentable even if I'm dressed casually. I'm comfortable with how I look. I'd like more time to do my hair but I find most days I wear it up but have found quick styles that take only a couple of minutes but that look nice and suit my face.

Still struggling with the weight (and therefore clothes) but always have a shower in the morning, hair tidy and a bit of make up on (primer, concealer, foundation, but dior backstage so just a few drops applied with fingers, eyebrow pencil and mascara). The first 2yrs I wasn’t bothering to even comb my hair tbh. It took me till Dc was 3 to start making a bit more effort.

For me the major thing is weight. I’m really struggling with that. Only one child as well but I’m an older mum and I am permanently knackered.

No I haven’t. I maintained my exercise and regimes during pregnancy and beyond, because it was important to me to not lose myself. And look like a bag of spanners.

I had my kids many years ago but.....I was already fat when I had them so baby weight was less of an issue!
I went back to work quite quickly after both of them so I got straight back into the routine of getting up, showered, make up on and hair done. It's interesting people say they don't have time to do these things but I felt like I didn't have time not to.
To be honest the routine helped, from being quite young my children knew that whilst they were having breakfast I would be stood at the mirror next to them putting my makeup on and doing my hair!

I did. I had three under four. I lived in leggings and long tops. Rarely bought myself clothes. I was also seven stone overweight. When myself and DH look back on old videos we laugh at the state of us.

I never wore makeup every day, never did things like straightening hair every day or dyed hair etc, I was always clean and dressed in clothes that fit. My self esteem isn’t bound up in how attractive people find me, and I have never felt the need to somehow represent other women and flout some stereotype about mothers. So I was about the same before and after children. I think if there is a big difference between what you did before and after children then it will feel like a big change, but it didn’t for me.

Definitely. I looked older at 40 with a five-year-old than I do at 44 with a nine-year-old. I have since lost two stone (just step aerobics in front of the TV) started weight training, overhauled my diet and lightened / shortened my hair. Make some small changes. Hang in there. You can do this.

I’m the same. Youngest is at school nursery now so I’m following for advice.

People will have different ideas of what "letting themselves go" looks like.

Getting washed, hair brushed, teeth clean and wearing clean, presentable clothes are basics to me. I find the mummy humour about not having time to run a brush through your hair, wearing the same mucky yoga pants every day not very funny.

I changed my hair so I could go longer between appointments for convenience without looking scruffy.

My style has changed to reflect change in lifestyle and I'm still not someone very into beauty, but aim to look presentable most days.

No I didn't but I did let myself go in the Covid Lockdown because that was worse for me than PND.

Yes, I have. The PP who said it's about priorities is right. I prioritise work (because I have to to keep a roof over our heads) and spending time with the kids over going to the hairdresser or the gym. Like you OP I tend to spend my money on them instead of myself nowadays.

My two are both still under 5 so I'm hoping some time will free up eventually. And funds once nursery is out of the way!

Yes and children take more time up as they get older.

My bug bear is that I can't find time to work out. I am out of the house at work 6.45 to 6.45 3 days a week.

My work from home days I do nursery/school runs so again flat out from sun up to eldest goes to bed at 8.

Weekends are family time as I am away so much in the week.

So yes I hear you

I am older than you but I do workouts on you tube titled 'fabulous fifties '. They are aimed at people over 50 but it doesn't matter that you are younger...movement is movement. I have been doing them for 5 months and have lost 12lbs. I had a menopause tummy and doing her workouts has got rid of it completely. I feel really good after doing it.

No lovely it’s never too late to start!
I’ve been doing Eleni fit routines in the living room. Some of them are only 20min.

I’ve also been watching fit mums on insta for inspiration 🤣

Agree with this. Washing and dressing decently is the bare minimum surely? I'm at work 4 days a week so I'm not sitting around dirty in old leggings. It doesn't take much really.

I've just had my fourth and I've never let myself go after any of my dcs. It only takes 15 mins to get showered, some make up on and straighten hair. I make this a priority for myself every day. I shop online and make sure to buy myself something every few weeks. Exercise is important too and I like to get out for a walk when possible. I think the fact that I never sit down has always helped with weight loss!

Please don't use that phrase, it's so negative.
Priorities often have to change when we have other commitments, that's just directing your energy where you feel it's best used!

@dufdha for curly, frizzy hair, you could try John Frieda Frizz Ease Secret Agent "touch-up creme". It's brilliant for smoothing frizzy hair

When I had little kids I was just so tired. If I had five minutes to myself I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or shop for clothes or get my hair done. I fell asleep.

I lost myself for a good five years. It wasn’t until school age when I finally had time to meet my sleep needs, relax a little bit, and still have enough time and energy left over to care about my appearance.

I was like this too. Walked for miles with baby and was slimmer and fitter than before the pregnancy. Then daughter turned 2! Doesn't want to sit in the buggy, too heavy to carry, too slow to walk far and too little to walk a walk like I used to do. Will only nap at home so stuck inside over lunch. Now piling on the pounds and motivation is gone!
I hear you op. It's tough!

Yes I suppose I did.
I wore more practical clothes. I bought a coat with a hood for the first time. I bought flat, practical shoes I could run in rather than towering heels. I wore longer clothes rather than the shirt skirts I often went out in. Previously I didn’t do practical at all.
I also remember avoiding wearing white for years.
I had a ‘Rachael’ haircut and found it neigh on impossible to style my hair with 2 very young babies/toddlers.
However having said all that I find it strange to see new mothers with long, spikey painted fingernails, puffy unnatural lips, huge spider like fake eyelashes and piled on make up. I also see lots of new mothers in bland clothing such as leggings, flat shoes and puffer coats so think this look is hardly smart/glamorous.

I have every sympathy OP. As other posters said though I’ve always prioritised my appearance (within reason - I like haircuts, make up and clothes) even if it’s just 5 mins a day.

When my kids were young and I was exhausted, I still did 3 things, always:

• A haircut every two months (your hair is a top you wear every day!)
• make up - only 1.5 minutes worth! - lipstick, mascara, blusher. So quick I can put it on at a traffic light but makes a difference. In fact I used to keep it in the car and put it on once the children were strapped in.
• A nice coat and boots (underneath can be a mess but the top layer makes me feel pulled together). Preferably wool coat with an umbrella if raining.
• Never, ever, wear sports gear - including leggings, T shirts or trainers - unless doing sport.
• Maintaining one hobby once a month just for me where I would never ever mention my children. It was just about me. Even if I was so tired I had to drag myself there and go to loads of effort to sort out babysitting if DH wasn’t available. Eg book club - even if I never read the book.

Thanks for the suggestion but I have thick Arabic hair, John Frieda does Not do anything except make my wallet lighter.

I also think the general look is far more casual now so it’s easier for new mothers to carry on wearing what they did before.
For example ha see lord of women with bleached hair and black roots. That was an absolute no no back when I had my dcs.
I also wore a fitted suit to work. No benefit of Lycra or elasticated waists. My skirt had a fitted waistband and and we had to wear court shoes. A fitted blouse too.
I always dressed down after work as I was glad to get the suit off.
What I’m saying is women now just carry on wearing their regular clothes but their regular clothes are very casual and forgiving compared to when I had my dcs.

I never really had much to let go. Never coloured my hair or wore make up regularly or wore much beyond jeans and trainers anyway. Always showered, never felt it was hard to find the time to do that and otherwise carried on as normal.