To want to find other closeted bi women near me (Kent)?

[ChocBanana]

I recently realised (aged 48, 49 in December) that I am bisexual. I have long thought I was bicurious but I suddenly realised that I was lying to myself, it’s not curiosity, it’s deep down desire for both sexes.
It has knocked me for six a bit but I am finally at peace with it, in my mind at least.
The only person I have told in real life is my husband, who is being very supportive. He is happy for me to sleep with women as long as it isn’t behind his back and I have no plans to leave.
My problem is that now I have accepted it and been accepted, I really, really want to find a woman who is in a similar position but I also don’t want anyone else to know.
I feel like I am finally being true to myself by acknowledging my sexuality but also that I can’t handle the truth getting out.
AIBU to want the best of both worlds? I want a woman I can share a physical and spiritual connection with but I absolutely don’t want an “out” relationship with her, for various reasons I don’t want to go into.
Does such a woman exist or am I just going to have to choose?

Sorry you are getting a hard time from people who have not read your original post.
I changed from men to women after divorce, and even that was not easy. On the old Sex Chat thread were many who said they had permission from husbands to sleep with women. I suspect some would want to hear what they did with each other in detail.
Coming out will be the least of your problems. Gay friendly pubs can be OK to meet women. Can be rough and ready. Avoid lifetime lesbians, some will call a Bi a 'tourist'!
PM me if you want to chat more. I have been on the dating thread and others with this name. Not just arrived.

Jesus, this whole thing is a fucking nightmare enough as it is without the barrage of abuse I appear to have walked into.

You think having an affair with a woman is ok. Different from having an affair with a man - if you were straight would you be posting about wanting to shag other men?

Join Fab Swingers to meet like minded people. Trust me there are lots like you out there. Also swingers clubs too - a bi woman with a willing husband is VERY popular
good luck 👍🏼

I understand that, thanks. I didn’t mention it because to be honest, it’s no one else’s business, I have his permission and that’s that. But I do know of many, many bi women in similar situations but nearly all of the ones I speak to are in America.

I can’t guarantee I won’t fall for someone else. If I do, I do. But initially it is just no strings I’m looking for. Without going into detail, my husband’s health issues are largely self inflicted. I spend most days trying to decide whether to go or to stay. I feel guilty for going because he now needs me and I didn’t go earlier. But I feel like shit for staying because this isn’t what I really want.
I’m kind of leaving it to fate to decide. My husband’s health is life limiting - he was told 10 years ago to make major lifestyle changes, but he didn’t because he thought they just say these things. They don’t just say these things. Now it’s essentially a waiting game - it’s why I am still here but I don’t want to put my life on hold any more either. And like I say, I have his permission.

It’s literally not an affair when the person you’re married to says “I’m giving you permission, as long as you don’t meet a stranger without telling me first for safety reasons. That’s not cheating as far as I’m concerned.”
So, yeah, if it was a man I was looking for, it would be the same. But it’s not.

Try Tinder, not MN

I don’t really care about any of this, I’m more bothered your posting in AIBU and getting annoyed at feedback. Try POF next time if it was only offers you were wanting

@DrFoxtrot snap lmao

🙄🙄

It’s literally not an affair when the person you’re married to says “I’m giving you permission

It is the literal definition of an affair.

I can't imagine anything more ick-inducing than a woman saying "It's OK, my hubby has given me permission to shag women on the side". 🤢

I get it op. Adult friend finder is another one you can look at.

Like most dating sites, it pays to be choosy as there are all sorts on there so be careful.

Your situation with your husband sounds difficult but if you've been open and honest with him and you both understand what's at stake, then you're going into it with eyes open at least.

I think people are being pretty- and unnecessarily - rude and not reading your OP.

I think you got some good tips with sites++ here.
And I guess that's why you posted on mumsnet - to hear other's lived experiences.
Good luck and hope this thread was on balance good!

Listen, your relationship is your business. But I think it's worth taking these comments seriously because you'll encounter similar from bi women in real life as well. The reason it's irking people is because some people (perhaps not you) think of sleeping with a woman as a sort of kink, rather than a real relationship between mutually attracted people. Men who would never in a thousand years allow their wives to sleep with other men don't mind because it's "just" another woman. But if you ARE that other woman, and you are genuienly into women, then sleeping with a woman is not a kink. It's just sex. And it sucks to sleep with someone and realise that they are not into you as a person, they're just into whatever same sex intercourse represents to them.

Think of it this way: is your DH ok with you sleeping with a man? Are you ok with him sleeping with a woman? If you realised tomorrow that you are massively attracted to men with dublin accents would you get to sleep with one?

Then errr use those websites?

No it really isn't. It's the definition of an open relationship. Honestly are you too narrow minded to understand that people are different and make different choices to the ones you make?

Yeah AIBU isn't the right place, you just get narrow minded people jumping on talking shite.

I can imagine it would be a struggle to find what you're looking for. Someone wanting a relationship wouldn't want to be a secret, and someone wanting to be a secret more likely just wants a shag rather than a deeper connection.

I’m on lesbian dating apps and there are loads of bi women on there with profiles saying that they’re in relationships with men who have given them permission to sleep with women. No idea how successful they are in meeting women as I have no interest in matching with them but there are plenty of profiles with that on. They do all show their faces though - I can’t imagine any woman I know being willing to meet a woman for sex without having any idea of what she looks like.

Hi again, directing you to this thread in case you haven't seen it: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/4878598-women-seeking-women?page=2

I think the replies here are more sympathetic because of how she's framed it, but it's also a thread started by a bi woman in a relationship with partner's permission to seek sex with women outside of the relationship.

If there are hundreds of these women available, why aren’t you just going out there and meeting them, then? Pretty sure if you just ask on one the websites and forums you mention, you’ll find some women in your area. Bit weird to ask on Mumsnet.

Anonymity I thought is for the start and will be changed after chatting if they get on OK, Probably switch to another message system.

Your updates about your marriage puts a different spin on things. So you want to leave your husband, but feel that you can’t due to his deteriorating health? You feel duty bound to support him until the inevitable happens.

If your marriage is essentially over, couldn’t you amicably separate and still be supportive? I think it would be much better than asking his permission to have secret relationships.

Alright, calm down Daffyd Thomas.

We all ask things on Mumsnet and it is a safe space so it makes sense that it would be somewhere a person would go for advice. I personally don't get the offence taken by some posters

You're the one perpetuating stereotypes about bisexual women. Of which many of the women on this thread will be, by the way.

Bisexuality means you are attracted to both men and women, not that bisexual women need to have sex with both sexes and are not satisfied with just 1 - the 1 they chose to marry. Bisexual women do not as a rule cheat on their partners with the opposite sex. They are as capable of monogamy as anyone else and yet your OP is trying to say otherwise.

That, and you're using MN as Tinder; no one here cares that you're attracted to women, go find an actual website of people who want to help you cheat on your husband with health issues. Did you think a woman from Kent was going to PM you and jump at the chance?