To want to find other closeted bi women near me (Kent)?

[ChocBanana]

I recently realised (aged 48, 49 in December) that I am bisexual. I have long thought I was bicurious but I suddenly realised that I was lying to myself, it’s not curiosity, it’s deep down desire for both sexes.
It has knocked me for six a bit but I am finally at peace with it, in my mind at least.
The only person I have told in real life is my husband, who is being very supportive. He is happy for me to sleep with women as long as it isn’t behind his back and I have no plans to leave.
My problem is that now I have accepted it and been accepted, I really, really want to find a woman who is in a similar position but I also don’t want anyone else to know.
I feel like I am finally being true to myself by acknowledging my sexuality but also that I can’t handle the truth getting out.
AIBU to want the best of both worlds? I want a woman I can share a physical and spiritual connection with but I absolutely don’t want an “out” relationship with her, for various reasons I don’t want to go into.
Does such a woman exist or am I just going to have to choose?

Hmm. Perhaps you haven't seen what a real "barrage of abuse" looks like on here - I thought the responses were pretty measured tbh! But that will change after your aggressive reply.

Just keep looking online OP. There's something out there for every persuasion, but just be safe.

Nah, these are just straight women trying to please their husbands.

Join Skirt Club.

It's exactly what you're looking for.

Nah, these are just straight women trying to please their husbands.

No, not true.

@ChocBanana look up Skirt Club.
It is exactly what you're looking for. You'll never look back. It's full of women in the same situation.

I'm not local to you unfortunately but I'm in a very similar situation if you would like to inbox me. Just be nice to connect with someone else who knows how I've been feeling for a while. I've been with dh a long time and he knows I'm bi but no one else does, as in family, friends. He's happy for me to experience being with another woman but life dictates that's not easy to do.

I'm really sorry you've had these deeply unsympathetic, borderline aggressive responses. MN is very, very anti bi in general. I've seen some disgusting threads on here in my time. Tbh I think it's massively remiss of MN to let it fly. It wildly pisses me off. Yeah, there are vile, homophobic people out there but allowing them a platform to post their shit without challenge is 🤮.

That said, no you're not being unreasonable. I'd suggest trying Feeld. There is a kinky element to it, but there are lots of couples on there. I think you'll likely find another husband and wife looking for someone for the woman.

What you want is perfectly normal and reasonable. And no it's not bloody cheating if your DH knows about it and said it's fine. I suspect people are deliberately trying to misunderstand you on that point.

Good luck!

I'm in a similar position to you, OP.
Not looking to hook up on MN, and am the other side of the Country, but if you want to have a chat about discovering you're no late in life with a very supportive husband, feel free to PM me for a chat.
Also, have a look at Feeld.

I think you should look for specialized websites not dating websites.

This is the reasons lesbians are not keen to date bi women. We have this reputation.

I was contacted by a lot of married women on tinder/pof and I hated it.

I was looking for a relationship, not to be fetishized.

Sex clubs even might be place to go? Your DH could then at least be " part of it. "

Curious why they have to be ‘closeted bi women’ - why not openly bi women or lesbians?

Part of me doesn’t even believe you are actually bi. I find it hard to believe it took until your late 40s and going without sex to have this ‘realisation’.
You’re just horny and haven’t had sex in a few years and think you’re more likely to get permission/sympathy from your husband to have sex with a woman than with a man.

As a bi woman I find threads like this really enraging. It’s just helping to ramp up the old stereotype that bisexual people can’t be monogamous! We also have to have the best of both worlds. Jesus Christ, being bisexual isn’t a free license to cheat if you’re supposedly in a monogamous relationship!!!

Oh and don’t listen to the posters saying to ignore the backlash and that MN is anti bi.
The people giving you hate aren’t against bisexual people at all, they’re just sick of behaviour that perpetrates stereotypes.

Fuck me I hope you get this comment deleted. You're sick in the head.

There’s actually quite a few people given thanks to the comment so obviously others agree.

I’m actually not sick in the head, just sick of people acting like being bi is something to be ashamed of. What does she have to hide?

Your comment further up says there’s lots of homophobic people on MN, what’s more homophobic/biphobic than thinking it’s something that needs to be hidden?

To be fair, I was wondering if there was some shame when I asked or if she gets off on the secrecy despite having her husband’s permission to play away. It seems a strange requirement.

This sounds all kinds of wrong.

and MN isn't a hookup site so stop trying to make this thread into one

You've only got to read Mumsnet for five minutes to work out why people want to keep it hidden. You'd think people were starting threads about their cannibalism from the reaction.

with a very supportive husband

there is absolutely no way of validating that this is the case. People post all sorts of shit on here.

But this is people reacting on Mumsnet, not real life. The OP wants to hide her bisexuality in real life as though it’s something to be ashamed of. Most people who have the worst reactions on threads like this are the ones who are fed up of people using their bisexuality as an excuse to cheat. I don’t think the supportive comments would exist if this was a man posting saying his wife has given him permission to go and have sex with other men.

Swinging is completely normal. Although indeed, on MN if someone's husband was bisexual, there would very much be a thoroughly nasty reaction. You'd have to be very new to make the mistake of mentioning that your DH wasn't straight. Unsupportive would be the least of it.

Exactly. No hate here. Not even going into my personal details but I have very good reason to be sick of this nonsense. The women are living breathing humans with their own needs and wants. Not fodder for your and your husband’s sexual peccadilloes.

I am suspicious that he is happy for you to sleep with other women. Would he want to take part at any point?

I think the OP said he is impotent. So it won't apply.
Many husbands will get off on hearing fullest details, a woman may accept this as being the 'affordable cost' of her going out.

OP, the term you want is Ethical Non-Monogamy. Open relationship, swinging, polyamory, all fall under the umbrella. It's about informed consent, communication is key.

Which is unfair on the other woman. She is expendable, worthless, not respected. That's probably why OP wants someone still closeted.