to think my DP is very rude to pour curry sauce over food

[Confused19831983]

Tonight I cooked a curry for dinner from scratch. I asked DP to get some rice from the Chinese on his way home from work as mine always goes wrong. He came home with rice, curry sauce and vegetable spring rolls. Before he even tasted the curry I had cooked he poured the curry sauce all over his dinner. AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this? When I told him I was annoyed he seemed to think it was funny!

Buy microwave rice! It's so easy and never goes wrong.

My point is, however, I don't think it really matters what I cooked, it's the fact I went to the trouble and he slathered it in the curry sauce - without even tasting it

Would it have been less rude if he'd tasted it first, then decided he needed to add the curry sauce to make it palatable?

If you didn't want to "go to the trouble" then you could have made something much more simple. You don't get to dictate how other people eat their meals, though, no matter how much effort you've put in.

Less arsenic, though. Swings and roundabouts?

No, the chef doesn’t get to dictate how others eat their food but we’re allowed to think someone is rude if they treat our food in a certain way. Maybe my bar is just really high because my H is always grateful and appreciative of what I have cooked over the 25 years we’ve been together and has never uttered a complaint, even when I’ve made quick and easy stuff or leftovers or whatever- he’s very easily pleased luckily. 😂

But generally, I do make efforts and spend a fair bit of time on planning and cooking meals for us all, and it’s just really nice when that effort is appreciated.

Your dh being easily pleased doesn't really mean your bar is higher than every else's!

Well he just loves food and isn’t fussy. So if I make something quick and easy he doesn’t complain about it and says thank you. But when I make big efforts and spend more time, he really raves about it because he understands the effort that has been made (he will be honest if I ask eg ‘do you like it more or less than x’) So my ‘bar is high’ in that I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone was deliberately rude about my cooking. And if I’ve spent a long time making something, the least the recipient can do is at least taste it before smothering it in something nasty.

No, the chef doesn’t get to dictate how others eat their food but we’re allowed to think someone is rude if they treat our food in a certain way.

Maybe, but it seems a silly thing to get worked up about.

People have different tastes and what you think is incredible could easily be someone else's worst nightmare.

Out of curiosity, why do people feel it's less rude to taste the food first before deciding it's disgusting and needs ketchup/hot sauce/curry powder?

I’m not sure I’d get ‘worked up’ exactly but I would feel annoyed. I think it’s ok to feel annoyed about something you find a bit rude.

I’d feel it’s less rude for someone to taste something first before changing the flavour of the dish by adding a different sauce. Because tasting it….um…. allows them to know what it tastes like. 😂 If they taste it and don’t like it and need to change the flavour of it to make it palatable to them then that’s different. If they want something involving Chinese curry sauce for dinner maybe they should sort out their own dinner?

Would you honestly not find it a bit rude if you’d spent ages making a lasagne for example and your partner covered it in gravy? (Obviously if you’ve made them a lasagne knowing they don’t like lasagne you might expect this!)

Would you honestly not find it a bit rude if you’d spent ages making a lasagne for example and your partner covered it in gravy?

No - it genuinely wouldn't bother me. He's the one eating it, not me.

If someone chooses to send ages cooking dinner then that's on them, frankly. Personally I wouldn't bother.

Fair enough @margotrose. I see cooking for the family as part of my job as I work PT so I do try and do it well and take some pride in it. Others are obviously not the same.

I don't know about the OP, but I wouldn't mind if DH brought curry sauce home and put it on the rice but away from the Moroccan thing (MT). That just says 'I fancied some Chinese curry sauce'. To put it over the prepared dish is tantamount to saying he has to use the curry sauce to make the MT palatable, and is therefore an insult to the OP's cooking abilities and judgement.

I mean, I just see it as another chore that needs to be done - like cleaning the toilet or making the bed. Yes, the food needs to be reasonably tasty and healthy but I couldn't be arsed to spend ages on something that gets demolished in a matter of minutes, nor could I get worked up about other people adding sauces or whatever to it.

Right, but OP says she wouldn't mind if he'd tried it first then added the curry sauce - how is that any less insulting?

I mean, I don't find either insulting, but surely the latter is no better than the former in that it's still saying "your food needs this chip shop curry sauce added to be edible".

This is my way and i can confirm it works every time.

When you first put on lid, temp can go right down.

When you stir it after ten minutes, get a fork and properly fluff it and turn over every bit.

The final ten min with lid on but hob off are really important.

On another note, you can't beat Uncle Roger when it comes to cooking rice :)

The difference is that one says 'I'm assuming your cooking is going to be awful', and the other says 'not to my taste, sorry about that'.

"The difference is that one says 'I'm assuming your cooking is going to be awful', and the other says 'not to my taste, sorry about that'."

Exactly this.

See, I just don't see it like that at all.

To me, the former says "I know I like curry sauce and fancy some with my dinner so I'll add it before I start", whereas the latter says "your food was so awful that I've had to add curry sauce to it to make it palatable".

The main thing is you sent him to the takeaway. I think it would be different if he'd just decided to go and buy an alternative to yours, but being tempted whilst in there is totally relatable.

Grown ups at home should be allowed to eat their tea how they like. If you were somewhere else or had guests I'd expect a higher standard, but just family at home have your dinner how you like.

I love his hate for JO's rice🙈

I bought a rice cooker off the back of this thread. Thank you, it's absolutely amazing!

hear me out (and this is semi lighthearted) but which one is worse?

1. make a homemade meal and someone pours curry sauce all over it without trying - ok so maybe they’re the sort of person who loves drowning food in sauce until it’s soupy
2. Make a homemade meal and someone pours curry sauce all over it after trying - do they hate my cooking?!

I hear you @margotrose, and that’s what I’m saying- approaches to cooking are different. I do sometimes find it a chore but on the whole, I find it much more interesting, enjoyable and rewarding than cleaning the toilet so I like to spend time and effort on it. There are things other people spend time on that I wouldn’t.