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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my DP is very rude to pour curry sauce over food

194 replies

Confused19831983 · 10/11/2023 21:00

Tonight I cooked a curry for dinner from scratch. I asked DP to get some rice from the Chinese on his way home from work as mine always goes wrong. He came home with rice, curry sauce and vegetable spring rolls. Before he even tasted the curry I had cooked he poured the curry sauce all over his dinner. AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this? When I told him I was annoyed he seemed to think it was funny!

OP posts:
pavillion1 · 10/11/2023 23:59

Confused19831983 · 10/11/2023 23:31

@pavillion1 It was a "Moroccan style chickpea curry" 😂

I am fully aware that doesn't sound amazing.

It's the fact he didn't even taste it, just smothered it in the curry sauce. That's what I am annoyed about.

If he'd had a bit on the side that would have been fine 😂 He also got vegetable spring rolls and I thought he was going to have the curry sauce with them.

To those commenting about the rice I just can't be arsed anymore. It always goes wrong. I usually use microwave rice but there was none in the cupboard.

I don't mind him getting extra from the Chinese, it's just the fact he smothered the food in it without even tasting or first 😤

in that case id be pissed off too .

spookehtooth · 11/11/2023 00:01

Get a rice cooker, or a tub like I got for the microwave. The consistency of temperature, and precise control over duration, is a game changer. Once you know the amount of rice per person, the water/rice ratio for each rice type and how long each rice type takes, then you get the exact same results every time. You can do it in a saucepan, but why bother? Put it on before you cook, then focus on cooking the curry/chilli or whatever.

As for your husband, words fail me. My curries are a labour of love, I make quite a few variations and each one with a unique flavour and like your effort no jar sauces here! It would be the last curry I shared with anyone who did that. Save that cheap tat for the "can't be arsed to cook" chips and giant spring roll night

Comtesse · 11/11/2023 00:03

It is rude to add seasoning before you taste the food. It’s not funny at all!

BranchGold · 11/11/2023 00:04

I honestly can’t get worked up about things like this. It’s like telling someone they aren’t sleeping how you believe they should, and taking personal slight over it.

GrumpyPanda · 11/11/2023 00:12

I don't get some of the comments on here. It's not about OP controlling the way he eats, it's about his total lack of respect for her efforts. OP next time just dont bother cooking for him, get him some ready-made muck out of a plastic bag instead. It can hardly get worse than the bizarre concoction he's ended up creating.

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 11/11/2023 00:14

I don’t mean to be rude OP & will probably get flamed for this, but considering you can’t make rice & he’s presumably tasted your cooking multiple times before, is it possible he “knew” he’d need the curry sauce in order to make this particular dish more palatable for him? 😬 Is this a new recipe or has he tasted this particular curry before?

(I’ll run & hide now)

Boomboom22 · 11/11/2023 00:16

Of course yanbu and I don't know how anyone could think otherwise. On the side yes but on top of the actual curry without tasting is so rude.

kaka79 · 11/11/2023 00:18

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iamwhatiam23 · 11/11/2023 00:19

To be fair to him, moroccan style chickpea curry sounds rank! I think I would have smothered it in the curry sauce as well! You need to chill out, its up to him how he eats his food!

spookehtooth · 11/11/2023 00:26

GrumpyPanda · 11/11/2023 00:12

I don't get some of the comments on here. It's not about OP controlling the way he eats, it's about his total lack of respect for her efforts. OP next time just dont bother cooking for him, get him some ready-made muck out of a plastic bag instead. It can hardly get worse than the bizarre concoction he's ended up creating.

I thought the same. An awful lot of people don't bother with proper cooking, I can only imagine that applies to these people. Part of the point of the experience for me is the shared experience, and that includes the tasting and constructive feedback. I'm wondering if its part of a general pattern of behaviour

Sleepybanana · 11/11/2023 00:30

Confused19831983 · 10/11/2023 23:32

Just boiled rice

Following the advice above about the rice cooker! SO GOOD! Cooks it perfectly and then I just freeze it into portions in clingfilm and then heat in the micro for things like fried rice etc.

however … I think it’s rude. Although saying that maybe he just was craving the cheap artificial taste of curry sauce.
This wouldn’t be a hill I would die on to be honest.

Confused19831983 · 11/11/2023 00:33

@QueenOfTheLabyrinth 😂 It's ok I am not offended. I had never cooked it for him before, no, otherwise I might have understood. I have no reason to believe he doesn't like my cooking but I admit it's a distinct possibility.
😂
I cook roughly half the time and he is always complimentary. It's possible he's just being polite.
Though I argue what he did with the sauce was very rude.
I am probably a fairly average cook. I am able to cook a risotto but for some reason ordinary rice is too fiddly for me. It just always goes wrong.
I am amazed the majority of posters seem to find it so easy!

OP posts:
YoureALizardHarry11 · 11/11/2023 00:38

I get you OP, it’s like you’ve gone to the trouble of making it and without even tasting it, he’s gone and completely ruined the flavour by mixing it with something else, therefore your curry was essentially pointless.

I don’t understand why people can’t see your point and why you’re annoyed. This would majorly piss me right off and I’d not cook for him again. I’m usually quite laid back about stuff as well.

It’s in a completely different league to adding salt and pepper because completely smothering it in curry sauce taints the flavour entirely. Dick head 🙄🤣

Topseyt123 · 11/11/2023 00:40

What a daft thing to get worked up over! I really couldn't care less how other people want to eat their food, what sauces they want to smother it in etc.

I also don't see it as rude to season food before eating it. If I want to add salt and pepper before I start then I will do so without giving a shit what anyone else thinks.

With regard to the rice cooking, I am not the best rice cook either. I gave up ages ago and now just buy the microwavable bags. Good rice in just a couple of minutes and even I haven't had any disasters with it. 😃

kaka79 · 11/11/2023 00:45

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Topseyt123 · 11/11/2023 00:49

Comtesse · 11/11/2023 00:03

It is rude to add seasoning before you taste the food. It’s not funny at all!

Why? Or are you being tongue in cheek?

It's not rude at all, and why would it be funny?

MarieKlepto · 11/11/2023 00:52

If someone has cooked for you, at least have the good grace to taste before you decide if you want any modifications in the way of sauce/salt/whatever because it's not going to be good enough for you.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 11/11/2023 00:53

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That’s because cooking is an art form in a way, it takes good knowledge of flavourings and seasonings etc. if she’s gone to the trouble of making a curry with lovely, tasty herbs and spices to make a really nice deep flavour and then he’s gone and smothered it in Chinese curry sauce then what was the point in her curry? He’s shown a complete disregard for it, which to me is different to adding seasonings. Who adds a completely different sauce to curry? It’s a sauce based dish!?

MonsteraMama · 11/11/2023 00:57

I have to stop myself committing murder every time I carefully and painstakingly cook steak and my husband gleefully covers it in fucking tomato ketchup. But it's his food and he can eat it how he wants, even if it is a war crime. I feel for you OP but we have to accept that some people are just food criminals.

Firawla · 11/11/2023 01:00

If he put it all over your plate too then you would have a point - but just on his own then let him get on with it yabu

Topseyt123 · 11/11/2023 01:02

MarieKlepto · 11/11/2023 00:52

If someone has cooked for you, at least have the good grace to taste before you decide if you want any modifications in the way of sauce/salt/whatever because it's not going to be good enough for you.

No. In our house growing up salt and pepper were added before you started your meal. They could also be added during it, but the routine was that they were added first.

Nobody would ever have considered that rude. It was what us heathens did, and still do.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 11/11/2023 01:12

What is it with the weird MN obsession that it's 'rude' not to taste your food before adding seasoning? If you know that you like a good serving of a particular sauce or condiment, why would you not add it in expectation? Especially if it's your spouse cooking, and you probably have a fairly good idea of how much seasoning they usually add.

If the people who make this bizarre 'rudeness' claim ever go to McDonalds, do they act 'politely' by getting the burger plain first, to see how it tastes (i.e. like every other one you've had from there before) and only then consider asking for cheese/relish/gherkins/ketchup whatever, one at a time?

It's really controlling to tell another adult exactly how they should like their food to taste.

Maybe it's a me thing, but I also agree that I'd find it difficult to go to a Chinese takeaway and only get rice. What a faff to make the effort to go in and then wait if you're not having a full proper takeaway. I've heard of people doing it the other way around: just getting the main meal from the takeaway and then doing their own rice to save money, but never like this. Maybe they think he's impoverished/homeless/a terrible cook and is just surviving on rice!

Making your own rice the normal way is simple enough, but if that's beyond you, it's literally grabbing a bag from the freezer, chucking it in the microwave, dialling up three minutes and pressing 'Go'.

EtiennePalmiere · 11/11/2023 01:13

I would only be offended if it was a dish I had laboured over, not something quick.

curaçao · 11/11/2023 01:31

You need to (a) pick your battles (b) learn how to cook rice

Tourmalines · 11/11/2023 01:55

Cant believe how wound up some people are about this and to even say not to cook for him anymore. That’s just childish . Considering that he cooks too , they do 50-50, then maybe he won’t have to cook for her either. Oh hang on ,wait, let’s just wait for the leave the bastard posts. He was made to go pick up rice , he knows he loves the take out curry sauce . Poor bloke .