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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did guests bring you precooked meals when you had a newborn?

540 replies

Redcargidan · 10/11/2023 17:04

Not an AIBU but a question. We have a newborn baby. Multiple people have asked me if our friends/family/visitors have brought things like precooked meals in tupperware (that can just be put in the microwave) when they visit, that sort of thing.
Nobody has done this and nobody did when our eldest was a newborn. In truth, nothing would be more appreciated right now than a meal I did not have to cook. Is this a thing? Do other people generally do this, or are the people that have said it just expectant?

I am fighting the urge to spend a fortune on takeaways because we are way too tired to cook, and am VERY jealous if other people generally receive precooked meals from visitors!
YABU - this isn't really a done thing
YANBU - this is a thing

The temptation to ask people to bring these instead of clothes that will only fit baby for 1 week when they come round! (Joking but wish I had the balls to do this )

OP posts:
Sunseaandsand1 · 10/11/2023 18:43

Whoops, I meant to say we had the same - no food, lots of baby grows which only fit for a week!

Rainbow1901 · 10/11/2023 18:43

The temptation to ask people to bring these instead of clothes that will only fit baby for 1 week when they come round! (Joking but wish I had the balls to do this )

I can never understand why people don't give the receipt as well - I have no issue with people exchanging gifts if they don't fit/don't like/love but need next size up and so on. All my ACs know that I will not take offence at gifts being returned if they would rather have something they prefer for their baby. It's better than wasting the money.
Meals are definitely a good idea too!!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2023 18:44

Alwaysanotherwine · 10/11/2023 18:41

no one did for me

tbh there’s no excuse for not having time to cook one meal with newborn

it’s not that hard to throw something in oven or cook fresh pasta for 3 mins on the hob!

There are plenty of excuses and reasons why it's really hard! I wouldn't call heating up pasta a meal either it's got hardly any nutrition mums who are recovering and often breastfeeding too need good nutrition

Rosebel · 10/11/2023 18:44

My mum came and stayed with us for about 10 days when DD1 and DD2 were born. She did all the cooking and left a freezer full of home cooked meals when she went home.
DS was born in lockdown so I missed that support.
No one else ever did though.

C152 · 10/11/2023 18:45

Despite what you read online, I don't think it's the done thing. No one did it for me, although I did do it for a friend, and hung out her washing when she hadn't had the chance. I guess it depends where your friend's skills lie and how much time they have.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2023 18:45

WombatChocolate · 10/11/2023 18:42

If I go to see a friend who has had a baby I always take a lasagne or shepherds pie type meal that I’ve cooked. I usually take a 4 portion one so it will feed them twice.

My Church do a 2 week meal rota for new parents. They can have it when baby is born or when a parent goes back to work. It is extremely popular…..not surprisingly.

To be honest, a lovely dinner that can be shoved in the oven and ready in 15/20 mins seems better than another babygro to me.

Taking a Cook meal or similar is also great. It’s just something less to think about and I think that once you’ve got kids you forget how overwhelming g the newborn phase, especially first time, can be.

If I’ve made a meal, I haven’t done a super special meal. I’ve just made some extra portions of whatever I’m cooking. Some people on MN say they would t like a meal, but in most cases we are talking about good friends bringing something…..it’s not really different to going to their house to eat. What’s not to like?

The other th8 g that can be nice is to take a meal and actually eat it with the new parents. This is good if people are sociable and relaxed enough o want people over, but relieves them if the burden of hosting and cooking. Everyone can be sick if takeaway, which is the go-to otherwise.

I think lots of people wouldn’t consider cooking for a friend or colleague though….because they feel u dear pressure to make something amazing, or quite simply are prepared to splash some cash on a gift but do t want the effort of cooking. But a bolognaise or a shepherds pie is exactly the kind of thing that’s useful…doesn’t have to be a big deal.

That's a lovely idea of your churches

mrsed1987 · 10/11/2023 18:46

I hade a friend bring round a lovely m and s dinner for 2 and my mum brought meals every so often but no one else and we had loads of visitors!

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 10/11/2023 18:46

When I had our second baby, we lived in Cambridge. A lovely local church playgroup I went to with my oldest did bring us lovely cooked or prepared, just pop in the oven meals for the first two weeks on alternating nights. They were amazing ... and so appreciated.

Humbugg · 10/11/2023 18:46

Yes we had this for second baby (first was in lock down).
MIL, my mother and my stepmum all brought food (casseroles, chilli, lasagne, Ragu) the first 2-3 times they visited after baby number 2.
friends brought home made cake or biscuits

bryceQ · 10/11/2023 18:49

Nobody did for us.

We just ate pasta, salads, stirfrys, slow cooker, normal food.

My child has insomnia so I think back longingly to the newborn days where I could have lazy days.

Could you buy some COOK meals?

Maggiethecat · 10/11/2023 18:49

Dweetfidilove · 10/11/2023 18:42

The cleaning voucher is a brilliant idea.

I’m adopting that for my friend who is having a baby next month 👍🏾

Show quote history

@Dweetfidilove - What?! No oxtail and rice an’ peas? 😂

EmmaOvary · 10/11/2023 18:49

Unless the gift is time or food, it’s basically useless and purely decorative. Like flowers.

When I had my second, I was in pain from a C section and sent home with a catheter for 3 weeks, which gave me an excruciating UTI. So yeah, I did lose my faculties and cooking was very much not on my list.

Wellhellooooodear · 10/11/2023 18:50

No.

AxolotlEars · 10/11/2023 18:50

It's very organised as there are websites that can manage it for you. The pastoral worker sets it up in discussion with the family. Options are which days, what they don't eat, if they want it to arrive hot or cold, do they have freezer space, have a microwave etc

RampantIvy · 10/11/2023 18:51

Alwaysanotherwine · 10/11/2023 18:41

no one did for me

tbh there’s no excuse for not having time to cook one meal with newborn

it’s not that hard to throw something in oven or cook fresh pasta for 3 mins on the hob!

"I didn't have any help so no-one else should either"

What an unhelpful post. Has it occurred to you that some new mothers might have had a difficult birth or a C-section? Or they might be so sleep deprived that the idea of cooking a nutritious meal is beyond their capacity.

How tone deaf can you be?

WombatChocolate · 10/11/2023 18:51

Interesting that lots of people are interested in what is the ‘done thing’.

The way I think about it, is the people I visit who have newborns are either good friends or family or colleagues…not strangers. I just think whether it would be useful to them. And if it is, I take it. Some people may be slightly surprised, but to be honest, who would be offended or annoyed by it. Worst case scenario, the recipients wouldn’t eat it. That’s pretty unlikely. Majority are either thrilled not to have to cook that night, or if already sorted, freeze it for another night. And very few people aren’t grateful for the meal and the thought.

So why not? Why do people want to spend cash on lots of stuff that actually the baby possibly doesn’t need and parents don’t want, but not do something that’s genuinely useful and kind? I guess we are all just in a pattern of what we consider the norm to do and don’t really think about it. A meal isn’t suggesting to someone that they are incapable or can’t manage or can’t cook. It’s simply a kindness. But I suppose some people do struggle to receive a kindness, even if it’s from a good friend.

Meowandthen · 10/11/2023 18:51

I have done that for friends. One pot meals plus a cake as a slice is great for a bit of energy and a treat.

It’s also common after bereavement in Jewish culture.

AxolotlEars · 10/11/2023 18:54

Oops my message was a reply to Mistletoeandwhitewine.
We have done it for people when their partner has died or a crisis. Some people don't cook but buy ready meals/pizza which is fine

Dreamqueen · 10/11/2023 18:54

I went up and satyed to help my daughter in la after a c section as soon as I could. Baby was actually born while we were out of the country. I cooked and cleaned and did everything I could to make that time easier for her. Son was still working full time as self employed.

Maggiethecat · 10/11/2023 18:54

Sent family member who lives far from me an online shop with lots of fruit and some quick cook stuff including thin beef steaks, salmon steaks. Had I known about Cook I probably would have sent her a voucher.

Ghostofborleyrectory · 10/11/2023 18:54

A friend of mine brought around homemade cheese and onion pasties (I am vegetarian) after my child was born. I will never forget how wonderful they were and how much I appreciated her! We had fridge stocked with healthy things but I just craved carbs.

WombatChocolate · 10/11/2023 18:56

I’m also interested in the people who say no-one did it for them…so they wouldn’t do it for anyone else. It’s not a lowest common denominator thing. And actually, the fact that people didn’t do it for you doesn’t mean they aren’t good friends…there could be all kinds of reasons why they didn’t, including not even considering g it or thinking of it - especially likely if most friends don’t already have kids. But even if it’s something you’ve never had, ir not heard if before, ot. An still be possible to think ‘that’s a nice idea. I might do that for someone’ rather than simply that it couldn’t happen because no-one did it for you.

I suppose some cultures are better at this stuff than the Brits. It would totally be the norm in some places and probably was more in the past here too. But there’s no reason why we can’t go back to the good ideas that worked but have been forgotton. If they are good ideas, they are good ideas.

Abitofalark · 10/11/2023 18:56

Redcargidan · 10/11/2023 17:13

People just wanted to come round and hold the baby while I made tea and coffee and biscuits. It wasn’t very helpful

This is what people are doing with us and honestly I'd rather just not have visitors.

Cook do a 'new parents' box of meals that you can just bung in the oven. Maybe worth a look.

Thank-you, I will look at this. I've asked DH to do a "freezer shop" for things that are easy to throw in the oven, he is in charge of the shopping but keeps buying fresh meat and I don't have the energy.

The food from Cook is frozen. I just happened to be in there this afternoon and although I didn't notice any new parents' box, I did spot meals for kids and in general they have an extensive range and variety of meals (for one, two, four or eight people), including most things you would want for Christmas, even a large Christmas cake, although I didn't notice Christmas pudding. It does all look good quality and appetising. Definitely something I would consider for the freezer and would be a godsend if you haven't time to cook and can afford prepared meals.

43ontherocksporfavor · 10/11/2023 18:56

No DH had two weeks off and cooked every meal then I was on my own. Tbh food was the least of our worries, easy to whip up a quick meal like jacket spuds or sandwiches/ pasta et .

ToothFairy2023 · 10/11/2023 18:56

Nobody did that for us but I wasn’t bothered.

I don’t think its a thing really unless in America or maybe in certain little village communities perhaps (also you then have the faff of storing peoples casserole dishes or tupper ware and then remembering whose is whose and getting it back to them).

But one very kind friend brought us some delicious homemade millionaires shortbread (for guests). It was so nice we ate it ourselves and other thoughtful friends got me a bottle of wine and some Clarins shower gel (which was a lovely change from babyclothes in 0-3 or 3-6) which we had to exchange (as we had too many).