Is a manager allowed to comment on weight?

[Dystopia5]

really hope someone can help.

ive been struggling at work recently. On paper everyone thinks I’m doing really well, but I feel like I’m losing more and more confidence and I’m becoming worse and worse at my job. I won’t bore you all with the ins and outs of it but that’s it summed up

I do not have an eating disorder but I’ve accidentally lost a lot of weight recently- I didn’t mean to and I do love food but when I’m stressed I just can’t seem to eat. Like last night I got home from work and it just seemed so much effort to go into the kitchen and make food, I don’t know why because it’s not any effort at all but i just didn’t feel like it so I went straight to bed instead. I hadn’t eaten lunch because I was doing extra work. That’s the sort of bad habit I’ve got into and the problem is it keeps happening when I’m stressed. When I do try to eat when I’m stressed it tastes like cardboard and I can’t really swallow it it’s just horrible, it’s like stress is controlling me

my weight has dropped and my bmi is around 16-17 now whereas it was 21 3 months ago (normal for me). I’ve been wearing baggy clothes as much as I can but with out uniform it’s still obvious I’ve lost a lot of weight as a few colleagues have said it and I’ve just quickly changed the subject because I obviously didn’t want to talk about it

But now since people have noticed, im terrified someone in charge at work is going to comment on my weight- mainly because if they do I’ll probably burst into tears about the whole thing. My managers have noticed things like me working over lunch and we have our annual meetings next month to discuss how we have been doing and I’m so worried they’re going to notice I’ve been working over my lunch and I’ve lost weight. But they won’t do that will they? It’s personal life so they can’t comment on it or say anything about it can they? I’m just terrified I lose my job or I get demoted or something, or I’m scared they ask and I burst into tears or become an upset mess about it. But im guessing and hoping they won’t be able to say anything about it at all?

I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of being stressed and losing weight but also not wanting to lose weight but not feeling like eating much either, and now I’m terrified I’ll lose my career for it or get into trouble for it at work.

No of course they can’t.

Apologies I should have said- I thought things like working over my lunch would help the stress because I’d be better at my job but it seems to have made the vicious cycle worse IYSWIM. And I’m going to be getting help for this, I’m going to go to the GP.

im just a worrier in general and now I’m so scared I’ll lose my job or I’ll burst into tears if they mention anything. But it hasn’t had any effect on my work and I’ve still been working as hard as I can so it’s not affecting work but I’m just so scared someone says something now because people have started to notice

you have no idea how big a relief that is- I’ve spent the last week terrified I was going to lose my career for this. I had worried myself into such a ridiculous state. Thank u x

I've been in your exact situation a few times over the years and yes, I have been spoken to at work. It's humiliating but I think they did have the right. My work was affected. Plus I'm a teacher so there are children to consider.

Are you sure the weight loss is accidental? It's so easy to start that way then start enjoying it, let the eating disordered thoughts and behaviours back in and end up in trouble. Even sub consciously. Can you get any support?

You've lost a lot of weight, you say you're struggling, and you have got yourself into a complete state about something that hasn't happened and may never happen. You sound very anxious (in the lay sense, but could it be true in the medical sense as well?)

Losing 5 points (from 21 to 16) on your BMI isn't something that happens quickly, so I suspect there may be more than a few missed meals going on.

I think you need to see your GP to check whether there could be a physical cause for your weight loss.

And then think about what might be the best help in dealing with stess/anxiety/imposter syndrome - or whatever it is that's going on

Your stress levels at work are too high. You need to speak with a manager or to HR if you aren't able to speak with a manager, to explain that the pressure is too high and to propose how to reduce it. That might be dropping lower priority tasks, getting more senior support in something, having a junior to support you, whatever will help. You are very unreasonable to put your health so badly at risk due to stress though, it will ultimately lead to the even worse business outcome of you being signed off sick entirely, so logically is not helpful for the business. I expect your manager and HR may be worried for you as a person in addition.

I don't think they will raise your weight without you raising it first, but they might ask about your stress levels and whether you are happy at work / any non-work issues to be aware of.

Would it be possible to introduce protein shakes into your diet? If you're skipping a meal, then you will still be taking in calories and nutrients. Have a shake at lunchtime and again in the evening. Add things like full fat milk and butter to your diet.

Weight isn't a protected characteristic so yes they can although I'd imagine an ED is considered a disability so if they do you have protection under the equality act. Maybe you need their support though?

I wonder if a caring colleague or manager may worry that you seem very stressed and encourage you to take a lunch break, your gp will be able to help you but I think you might benefit from getting support.

I think they may mention mental health concerns. Change in appearance whether it's becoming unkempt or losing a lot of weight quickly can be a sign of mental health issues and they probably do have some duty of care to ask about this and ask if you're OK. So think about what you're willing to answer in advance.

I would probably be open and say you're in touch with your GP and that you've lost weight as a symptom. They cannot sack you for having treatment for anxiety, you may even find they are supportive.

I think you should go to the gp and have a chat with them.

Your work probably could bring it up if they felt your performance had been affected but you can't lose your job due to it.

I hope you start to feel less anxious and stressed soon!

Actually, a good manager should help you manage your workload and may bring up missing lunch. Regularly working over lunch is something they should not turn a blind eye to. So although they won’t concentrate on your weight/eating habits, they should discuss your workload, stress levels and you not coping and look at that. They should look at whether you need training or whether they need to hire someone else etc.

I’m sure if management do show concern for your massive weight loss it will be out of concern , maybe you can discuss how stressed you are and they will offer some solutions to support you . I’m concerned you need professional help as you may have an eating disorder and need strategies to help you eat sensibly x

I do not have an eating disorder

Well you clearly DO have an eating disorder OP which is triggered by stress. What support have you had for your anxiety so far? If you aren't eating properly, you likely have deficiencies such as anaemia- which in turn makes you more susceptible to infections and illness. If I was your manager, I'd be very concerned about the weight loss and you working over lunch time. I'd initially speak to you about it, then do an occupational health referral. Unless you'd specifically said you had been dieting/not eating, I'd have real concerns that the sudden weight loss was from cancer!
Please speak you your GP asap and get some support. x

It’s weird because I don’t want to lose weight- I didn’t have any issues with my weight before either. I just started working over my lunch because I thought it would help me be better at my job. Then I was so tired and stressed when I got home I just went to bed. It sort of started like that and just became a habit I guess. Not everyday obviously I do eat sometimes but realistically not enough. I don’t like the weight I am but when I’m stressed it’s just so hard to stomach a big dinner if that makes sense. It’s weird because if I just forced myself to go and make something to eat this wouldn’t even be a problem but for some reason it just seemed like such a big mountain to do that x

Ahhh try not to worry op. You are not going to lose your job because you have lost weight and are choosing to work through lunch.

No, they shouldn't really mention it BUT if my manager mentioned it, I know personally that will be coming from a good place out of genuine concern for me because of our relationship.

Only you will know whether or not that would be the case here.

Employers can be in a tricky situation sometimes when it comes to health, if they can see someone is potentially unwell it could be seen that they are remiss in their duty if care if they ignored it, but sometimes that can mean they are a bit too keen and clumsy to demonstrate this unfortunately.

A good manager would mention something loosely, like noticing you working over lunch. They will be doing it with good intentions only, being concerned for you.

You won't lose your job over it.

Well yes they can, as they have a duty of care and it is not a protected characteristic. OP if they mention it, it will be because they are worried about you.
Please get some help.

I dont think they will bring up your weight as such but they may well bring it up in other ways. Like they've noticed your working through your breaks regularly, you seem stressed or distracted etc. Your clearly struggling so do yourself a favour and speak to someone about it. Life can't be much fun for you at the minute. Hope you manage to get sorted.

A manager could possibly be on sketchy ground commenting on your weight in some contexts. I can imagine my current manager saying I seem really run down and am I ok, and I would expect that she was asking in a supportive way rather than as a precursor to sacking or demoting me. On the other hand, in the past I had a manager act like I was on my last chance after I told him I was stressed. If you have good reason to believe you have the second type of manager I very strongly recommend you look for a new job, I know from experience it is incredibly hard when you're stuck in the worst of it but a little bit of time sending out applications could make the world of difference to you.

Do you have someone in real life you can talk to? I found it got easier to plan a way out when I had to put all the stress and fear and catastrophising into words.

I mean they shouldn't, but they could.

As PP have said, even if they do then it will likely be out of concern.

I don't think the issue here is the weight loss- that's a symptom of the bigger problem, which is that you are working far too hard.

Working late and through lunch hours and being so stressed as a result that you don't eat all day isn't normal. You shouldn't be afraid that your employer will bring this up- you should discuss this with them and figure out a way of reducing your workload.

If they are a good employer, they will not want work to be impacting your health this way, both mentally and physically. If they don't care, then go work somewhere else.

They can and probably should approach a well being conversation with you if you are visibly stressed and your work life balance is out.

They should signpost you to resources like Employee Assistance programmes, and discuss your workload or any additional training you may need if there is a knowledge gap.

They can't discipline you or fire you for being stressed and losing weight. The only caveat to that would be if your performance or capability were in question and that would be following an official process where again they should include support and well-being assistance.

Sorry I’ve just done a BMI calculator and realised my BMI is actually 17.1 not between 16-17. Obviously still a big weight loss but not as much as I initially thought or put in my OP, sorry

Working through lunch does not make you better at your job. If I was your manager I would be asking you why you feel the need to do that and how I could support your work load so this does not happen. If you are struggling in any sense then a good manager would want to know and then offer support. Your loss of weight is symptom of feeling overwhelmed so this needs to be sorted out.

To be honest this entire thread has been a kick up the arse that I needed (in a good way, thank you everyone). I’m just lying in my bed right now thinking about how I’ve got myself into this ridiculous mess and it’s all a big bad habit I need to break. I’m going to go downstairs and make something decent to eat (I say that as if it’s a big marathon I’m running but you know what I mean) I’m actually craving fried egg on toast and it seems like such a big effort to make it and eat it and clean it all after but I’m bloody hungry and this is a ridiculous cycle to be in so I’m going to go and do it and I don’t care how much mess there is to clean after it