V worried about DS12 after seeing what he’d written

[Linagentina]

First off I KNOW you shouldn’t read your kids diary and I most certainly did NOT go looking for it but it was there and we’ve been very worried about him. He’s become quiet, uncommunicative, snappy and lost his lust for life.

We know he’s quite thin but he does eat square meals and snacks and both of us were similar body shape at that age.

He has a phone and is on TikTok with controls in place. But it turns out that it’s the stuff that the controls don’t cover that is the issue.

Am just really shocked and worried. It turns out he’s become a devoted Christian (we have no faith) through watching TikTok Christian stuff. He has been trying to starve himself to please God. Wrote about this in his diary and addresses God directly. Please forgive me Lord, I slipped up and ate something.Reading the bible online.

Just had absolutely no idea this was going on and don’t know what to do. He will never forgive me if he thinks I read his diary though I’m actually glad I did else I’d have had no clue.

Please if you’re one of those posters feeling the urge to tell me I’m a shit mum for reading his diary or for not noticing any of this can you just contain yourself, I’m already feeling awful. Would be so grateful for practical advice though.

My child has had religious type OCD for about 8 years now, from when he was really quite young. In his teens now. We have engaged with camhs all that time. He also has autism and engaged with those services too.

I have been very disappointed by the services available. I'm sure there are wonderful people working for both groups but there are huge staff shortages and as a child with dual diagnoses I feel he has fallen between services too. Each has said the other is responsible at various points. Staff turnover is very high so hard to build up relationships. Lots and lots of meetings but very little actual help for him and none that has worked.

Camhs actually told me children don't get ocd when I first raised the issue.

It took literally years for them to listen...finally they did when he had a severe breakdown. (They attributed any repetitive behaviours to his asd before that, no insight.)

Anyway, my point is...if OP's local camhs is good that's great. If not, where does she go @LeCreusetLove?

Where do the rest of us go?

Is private the only option? Even then it seems very hard to find a suitably experienced person.
Anybody with experience of pediatric ocd plus autism in my area works in the public system.

I would reach out to school immediately as they might be able to help and signpost you. He has an eating disorder OP. He has linked it to religion, but it’s roots will be within anorexia.

This is verging on cultish behaviour and is not a normal expression of Christianity. You need to nip it in the bud. No more social media - in fact it’s so serious I’d be tempted to say no more internet at all. He needs medical help.

I don't think you can say that at all.

My own guess is that it's the other way around (ie ocd causing fasting), but that's just because OP's DS reminds me of my own child.

But obviously neither of us know, we can merely suggest. The child needs professional help. The trouble is finding effective help can be very difficult ime.

You’re right that neither of us can be sure, but out of anorexia or religion, the anorexia has the capacity to kill quicker. So I’d be concentrating on that.

It's not anorexia vs religion though.