V worried about DS12 after seeing what he’d written

[Linagentina]

First off I KNOW you shouldn’t read your kids diary and I most certainly did NOT go looking for it but it was there and we’ve been very worried about him. He’s become quiet, uncommunicative, snappy and lost his lust for life.

We know he’s quite thin but he does eat square meals and snacks and both of us were similar body shape at that age.

He has a phone and is on TikTok with controls in place. But it turns out that it’s the stuff that the controls don’t cover that is the issue.

Am just really shocked and worried. It turns out he’s become a devoted Christian (we have no faith) through watching TikTok Christian stuff. He has been trying to starve himself to please God. Wrote about this in his diary and addresses God directly. Please forgive me Lord, I slipped up and ate something.Reading the bible online.

Just had absolutely no idea this was going on and don’t know what to do. He will never forgive me if he thinks I read his diary though I’m actually glad I did else I’d have had no clue.

Please if you’re one of those posters feeling the urge to tell me I’m a shit mum for reading his diary or for not noticing any of this can you just contain yourself, I’m already feeling awful. Would be so grateful for practical advice though.

Op what made you look for the diary ? Any suspicions or concerns?

and was it out opening? Do you think that he left it to be found?

Any siblings that you can talk to to find out more? Siblings generally have a better idea of what’s actually going on in their siblings life

I’m sorry I am wondering if he has OCD.

Oh OP this must be very scary to deal with. In my experience don’t waste your time waiting for CAHMS. If you can afford it get him a therapist immediately. You do not want this escalating into a full blown eating disorder or other mental health condition. I know it’s easier said than done but you also need to cut off his access to Tik Tok and other social media. Good luck. It could happen to any of our DC.

Also do some reading on cults. Online social media communities can end up working a lot like cults so its important you are ahead of the curse on this and understand how it works (tiktok algorythms also work as echo chambers that shut out 'balancing views' that challenge thinking).

I just came on to echo PPs about scrupulosity and OCD, as something to look into.

What is his social life like? Can you encourage him to expand his interests once you have removed Tiktok so he can be distracted by something else instead of intensely focused on fasting/religion? Sports club, coding club, scouts etc

I snooped on my son when he 11/12 and found stuff i wasnt happy with.

I was totally honest with him and told him what i'd done, he was angry as you can imagine, but something was telling me that something was wrong.

We dealt with it, he understood in the end.

I find being honest and upfront is best.

May I suggest you encourage him to attend a Christian church to help him see the correct ways to practice Christianity. A lot of CoE churches have a Christianity Explored course which looks at the ways in which to worship. This may help circumnavigate any Christian leanings in his eating disorder. There is likely also other teens there he can connect with.

I echo PPs in advising to to BEAT regarding eating disorders and try and speak to him about religion in a roundabout way.

So much good advice for you here. Speed is of the essence! Absolutely do not waste a single second putting as much as you can in place. Call the GP every day if you have to!! Please, do not wait for anyone to call back. Call them every day until things start to happen. Keep calling. (my GP neighbour says the insistent patients are the ones who are treated first so don't hold back).

Get in touch with the right person at his school to arrange support for him throughout the day. All staff should know to be keeping an eye on him. Nag them!

Be tactful with your son if you can but this is a medical emergency so privacy is not really a concern! Go at it from all angles because this is like knot weed - it spreads to places you don't even realise you should treat. It is utterly insidious because it is all coming from inside his mind!

I recently went through something similar with a similar aged young person. We watched him wasting away before our very eyes! It took vigilant monitoring and support from every adult involved in that person's life to turn it around. 6 months later, he is a healthy boy again but it took an absolute village to rebuild him.

Wishing you every success and steady progress for your DS.

I am so sorry OP and wish you all the very best

TikTok is evil and anyone reading this who hasn't blocked their childs access should do so now

I’d be inclined to remove his smartphone and replace it with a very basic (text and call capability only) handset.

Then, as pp have suggested, install parental controls on any internet-capable devices he’s got. Be careful about including Xbox and PlayStations as they have browsers. The switch may have one too.

You’ve got to pinch this in the bud. If you knew he was being groomed by a next door neighbour you’d stop him interacting with him. It’s the same principle.

TikTok is toxic. My child connected with other children with mental health problems on TikTok and we nearly lost our child to suicide. Take it off his phone.

My thoughts, too.

Practical advice: take away his access to unsupervised internet, including any smartphone. Not just tiktok, the cults brainwashing him are in many places and now he knows they exist he’ll find them another way.

When he wants to know why, explain that he has been brainwashed. Show him some videos about brainwashing and cults and very specifically show him that cult in Africa that said it was Christian and said that as a plot to persuade the women and children to starve themselves while the men said they’d do it in a bit.

Also, as he now thinks he is Christian (I say ‘thinks’ because no real Christian would think god wants kids to starve), reachniut to your local vicar and ask for help. Find a nice church and get someone in the church your son will respect to tell him that fasting is not for kids.

DD, 13, does not have Tik Tok or YouTube or anything unrestricted.

DD’s friend has Tik Tok and heard about some book series that’s gone viral and bought 2 for DD for her birthday. They’re absolute filth. DD didn’t want to tell me anything about what they were about, which is strange for her. Only when she was out and I googled the name of them did I discover they’re for 17+ and absolutely not suitable for children. I’m fucking furious about it.

Tik Tok etc are fucking poison for teenage brains. Get that shit off his phone NOW for his own good.

You don't need to fast to please God. It's not one of the 10 commandments.
A growing child certainly doesn't need to do it.

I think a more sensible approach to Christianity is needed.

Sounds like he's been watching cult-like pentecostal-style videos that will convince you to starve (for God 🙄) until you hallucinate and then claim you're seeing visions from heaven.

Another good reason for a 12-year-old to not have a smartphone.
I'd replace it with the plainest no-frills non-internet phone you can find, if he must carry one at all.

Hope the GP can help you.

If “religion” is gaining traction on TikTok then I can well believe many children are going through the same thing, to the point where their mums are posting about it here.

good luck ,op.

Some mainstream Anglican churches, including the one I attend, are doing some teaching on fasting right now. Most are sensitive to the fact that this can be triggering to many people, and certainly discourage young people from joining in. I think I'd meet him where he's at, and discuss the verses PestilencialCrisis has written about. Has he told you he has a new faith? How would he respond if you opened with "You seem to be eating less than usual these days. Is something going on?".

I haven't read all of the comments, but had the same thought as ChiefWiggumsBoy. I also wondered if he has started to hear voices, and is thinking it may be god.

He def needs to be seen as soon as possible, and observed after meals in the meantime.

As a Catholic I can assure you that this is totally not done. Fasting in the Catholic faith is like an hour before mass or one medium meal a day such as on Good Friday. It's all about resisting temptation or excess and defo not starving oneself.

I would keep him fully supervised if poss and bring up religion by asking if he still believes. Then get him to a priest who will be able to explain the balance between feasting and fasting and that exreme self-denial is as bad as extreme self-indulgence. He will also explain that Christianity is about God loving us and not wanting us to be afraid of Him. An email to the parish office will set things in motion.

Get rid of TikTok PDQ as your DS has been attacked by cultists who most certainly do not practice what they preach.

Maybe go to mass with him - all are welcome without obligation - and let him hear what it's really about.

Sending hugs and hope to you and your DS 💐

Has he ever had any OCD tendencies? Scrupulousity OCD can show up like this.

Indeed.

BBC's tiktok effect pretty much illustrates this and how trends manifest in real life. (Sorry to go on about but it's really useful and relevant in understanding how tiktok works to this conversation)

Is there any possibility he may be following a religious fast, bearing in mind fasting doesn't necessarily mean not eating, it just be refraining from certain foods for a periods such as in lent.