Boyfriend not paying towards expenses after moving in with me and my children.

[Bumblebeee33]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and decided to move in together with me and my two school aged children 6 months ago.

He moved into my place that I own outright with no mortgage.
Before moving in he told me he wanted to contribute to the outgoings.

Since moving in he has not contributed at all financially. He has said he is having a tough time financially and not earning from his work as he’s had a lot of clients drop off but has a big job at the end of the year which will bring him in a big cheque. However he still hasn’t offered or suggested to contribute then.

He will, on occasion, buy some groceries if we go to the supermarket together. He will also pick up things he likes to eat on his own time.

He doesn’t do housework as I pay for a cleaner for a few hours a week and then do the rest myself. He is not messy and tidies away his own things.

His child comes to stay every other weekend and I cook for him and we do things together as a family. Often I book these things for us.

When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t. He doesn’t see that I am doing anything for him as I would ‘still do all the same things if he weren’t living here.’ Like pay the bills, cook, clean, look after the kids. He does his own laundry.

He comes home to a tidy, looked after home with dinner on the table. Although often he will just get a sandwich on the way back from work and not eat what I’ve made.

Before he moved in we used to spend time at his apartment (where he managed to pay the rent and bills and do the housework all alone) and would go away on breaks together and go for meals out. Most of which he would pay for. Since moving in we don’t do those things anymore. We have been away once and I booked, organised and paid for it all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to contribute something towards the expenses or should I wait until he is in a better financial position?

Exactly . It's not even a debate.

Get rid of him he's a ponce x

Kick him out, he's just using you I'm sorry to say and he won't change.

That made me laugh - I've not heard that word used in years!!

Eye watering indeed!

Watched the whole interview and it collaborates what a friend of mine who worked in child protection used to say. The only fact I would question is the bit where they were talking about "one in 30" men being predators. My friend reckoned 1 in 10, and I remember reading something a few years ago on either Surrey or Suffolk police website (that I can no longer find) which quoted "1 in 20 adults", which taking out women (who provably don't contribute in any meaningful way towards the convicted paedophile stats), that would also equate to "1 in 10 men".

Regardless, though of whether it's 1 in 10, 20 or 30 that's still literally at least one on every average street. And shed loads on sites like Tinder. I agree with you that everyone needs to be aware of how they operate before even contemplating dating with children.

It takes a special kind of dirtbag to look at a single mum with dollar signs in his eyes.
Stop being a mug and bin the cocklodger.

Kick him out op.

I clicked yanbu as you're not in expecting him to contribute.

Yabu though allowing him to leach off you, put you down, take you for granted, and just generally allowing this waste of space cock lodger in your home.

Tell him he needs to leave. He won't change. This is who he is.

How did you get on @Bumblebeee33

I suggest you work out a list of house living expenses - council tax, utilities, cleaner and food and tell him he needs to start paying 50% immediately.

I would also get legal advice to ensure that he would never have any form of claim on your home. I don't think he does but you need to be sure.

Times are tough for him, but we all need to pay our bills during tough times.

If he can't be fair and reasonable maybe it's time to call time.

'When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t. He doesn’t see that I am doing anything for him as I would ‘still do all the same things if he weren’t living here.’ Like pay the bills, cook, clean, look after the kids. He does his own laundry.'
Tell him thats irony in itself. He would be paying if he lived alone!

OMG, re read your own post. Then pause…. And take it in.
If you can’t see what everyone on this forum can see, then it makes all women kind fall to their knees and weep.
You need to dump him. You are his free ride. Have some self respect. PLEASE… honestly, please

You need to get rid of this leech! He has absolutely no respect for you, he is a lazy good for nothing boy who does not have the maturity to see what his behaviour is like. He is selfish. If I were you, I would tell him to move out immediately.

Indeed . This is the what I can't take from a man
and would rather be single .

So if she's fallen for his spiel the only time she'll be back is to whinge and whine that it's all gone wrong. And of course it'll be someone else's fault, not hers. What is wrong with these people that they can't see they are just being used? All this angst - for God's sake, woman, there's nothing to debate - get rid.

I will say I have a friend who had a similar situation (sans children at home though). She asked her partner to leave, and since then he has completely turned himself around and they are dating again.
Should this work for you (and it may not, obviously you have lost respect for him) make sure you draw up an agreement about what he will contribute, both financially and practically, before sharing a home again.
If you're living together, he ought to be open about sharing his full financial situation with you.

Doesn't do any harm to be kind in comments btw, some would do well to take on the philosophy of 'always leave things better than you found them.'

Hi OP, please do not make babies with him ; not now or in the near future. ..His actions speaks louder, you can't build anything with him. Let him go now, sooner than later the best. Prioritise yourself and your kids

Ltb

If she sits him down to have a talk, he will pull out the charm and the "I'm sorrys" and keep at it until she relents. Then, he'll be nice for a while but he'll be planning on how he can take everything he can from OP. Then he will unleash his true colors upon her. I hope and pray she is smart enough not to fall for his bullshite. Sadly, they too often do fall for it all.

Still no.

Sorry you are being treated like a maid/ Mummy by him. He is taking the piss out of you. It will also show a bad example to how people should be as your children grow.

Red flag red flag red flag!!!!!

my ex did this, by way he was a covert narcissist … look into that, do you see similarities?
before my ex moved in we had weekends away be paid his own rent, bills etc etc , told me about how he’s previously been taken advantage of by other women blah blah …
moved in with me, suddenly works dried up or wages decreased, and I’m the one that’s paying for everything with no help, just take take take.
6 years later (yes I know) I told him to leave, as his attitude stank, it was all about how much he does for me & kids and how little he receives in return.
now he lives with his parents, paying them housekeeping, buying his own food, paying his own bills … and is trying his best to worm his way back.

nope, I’ve seen the light!! Life is so much happier without a man child around.

read the red flags and get rid now

@GetBackIntoBed I'm old fashioned 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wow

im staggered

Could he genuinely be experiencing financial hardship? Have you seen or asked to see his incomings and outgoings?

This seems to be a dramatic shift in his prior behaviour. I'd be inclined to want to see his wage slips or bank statements if he's self employed to assess the situation.