To be upset at being told to “just get on with it”

[rhaenyra01]

I have started having really bad migraines since having my DD. When I get them I can’t bear to look at light, and any sound even if it’s in another room or downstairs, goes straight through me and makes me feel like I’m being whacked on the head with a hammer. My whole head feels like it’s going to burst and it’s extremely painful. I also feel really nauseous and teary.

I started with one last night, took two ibuprofen and went to bed early, woke up several times through the night with the pain, this morning I was meant to be at work and was sat in tears in bed with the pain.

DH said not to go to work as I have to drive there and said it wasn’t safe for me to drive. As it’s a day where DH and I are both meant to be at work, we had arranged childcare, however DH got annoyed that he was having to take DD to childcare as he said if I wasn’t at work, I should be looking after her. I was literally sat with my hands over my ears and my eyes shut with the pain I was in, I could barely stand to hear him and DD’s voices. He said it was just a headache and I should just get on with it, what would I have done if childcare wasn’t arranged, etc. He left with DD making it pretty clear that he thought I was putting it on.

I don’t think DH appreciates how debilitating a migraine is and it’s really upset me. If I had a cold or anything else of course I’d look after my daughter even when I was off sick from work but I literally can’t bear sound and light when I have a migraine and all that helps me is lying in the dark and trying not to move. It’s making my head absolutely pound to write this post but just needed to vent. AIBU to be upset and feel guilty?

See your GP. There are new treatments for migraine.

The GP will also tell you to get off screens.

I really hope you're sleeping it off now OP. I get migraines and they're horrific.

My DH used to have your attitude towards them, until I had one so bad the side of my face fell and I couldn't respond to him properly. He thought I was having a stroke and had me rushed to hospital.
From then he's read up on them and is now a great help when I have one.

Thankfully they're getting rarer as I get older but as a long time sufferer, I can't encourage you strongly enough to get to a GP.

Start tracking your sleep, food, how much you drink (water, coffee, alcohol, everything), hormonal cycle and how you feel. You may see a pattern emerge or identify some triggers.

Ibuprofen aren't going to cut it. Try dissolvable aspirin (900mg).
Get your eyes checked
See the GP

I think while you are in so much pain you should try to sleep and not think about what happened too much.

Once the migraine has lifted you should try to get help for the migraines. I take sumatriptan which has transformed my life.

Once you are feeling better you can then reflect on what your husband said and discuss it with him

And? Why are you doubting her lived in experience. Seriously, you're just as bad as the DH. Dismissing OP's health

Yup

i am doubting the OP’s interpretation of “debilitating”

I don’t doubt she covered her ears and closed her eyes in front of her husband

but then opened them minutes after he left to look at her screen and start a thread

“lived in experience” always makes me chuckle and grimace in equal measure 😂

So you are an expert

There's always one... sigh

Get Migraleve it's brilliant. I think when someone's not experienced something, they don't understand how bad it is. Also, people get headaches and call them migraines or when someone gets a cold and call it flu, it down plays how horrible they are.

Why do you care?

Well if you read there thread, there’s a few more than 1 😂

As I said

I care because for 4 decades I have seen the impact of a migraine on someone

And it is distressing to say the least

But you don’t have migraines yourself? So how on earth can you know how they can affect some people and not others?

if it is “distressing” to read that someone else’s experience is different to someone who… isn’t you…. Then maybe you need a break from the internet

🤷‍♀️

any medical professional would have told the OP not to reach for her mobile and start a thread when minutes previously she couldn’t tolerate light, sound or sight of anything

the fear the migraine sufferers endure that it will worsen means they pretty much do anything in their power to avoid this scenario

I will bow oit!

You haven't experienced every type of migraine. You haven't experienced OP's migraine.
Not all migraines are equal or of the same symptoms.

I doubt it really makes you grimace. I have experience people chuckling and grimacing before and I don't think you'd be able to chuckle and grimace to an equal amount at the same time.

But you don’t know that, because you’re neither a medical professional, nor someone who experiences migraines

have you even read what the OP wrote?

People are commenting based on the OP, you should too 😂

And even if a medical professional would have advised thusly presumably there wasn't a medical professional in OP's bedroom at the time of the OP

Whatever the actual circumstance, the OP felt she was not capable of looking after child and they had childcare in place so husband was unreasonable, full stop.

I suffer from hormonal migraines. I second those who say that a phone, typing, social media etc when in such pain would be the last thing I'd do, but it doesn't really matter does it? Just because she probably wasn't having what most would describe as a migraine, it doesn't mean she was up to looking after her child. Many people have options in place so they don't have to suck it up. I never did, but I have learnt to not have a go at those who make different choices to me. The child was cared for, so all is well in my opinion.

Yes I have (😂)

Migraines started for me in menopause. They are fucking awful.
I've got prescription meds from the Dr. They've been a lifesaver

Man people are mean, I started getting hormonal migraines after my 2nd DC, 2 days before a period it would start and 3/4 days of awful migraine and then it would ease. I did have to get on with it but only as I had no choice, given the choice I would def send kids to school etc and rest. husband is a jerk

@rhaenyra01 , I'd put money on it being hormonal. Mention to the doctor that it started after you had a baby.
I'm not one to normally blame things on hormones, but a friend's debilitating migraines disappeared when she came off the pill to TTC.

If, like me, you don't have migraines, it's easy to think it's the headache equivalent of 'man flu'. If you are prone to migraine you'll know that it isn't.

I get cluster headaches, and moving in any direction hurts in the middle of one. Best advice I was given is to get Anadin Extra soluble, and swish it round your mouth at the beginning of feeling the headache. It works better than my specialist medication. I can often head them off (pardon the pun) if I get to it soon. Ibruprophen will do nothing to help. And by the way, migraine is an umbrella term for a variety of headache types. So what you can and cant do during one changes.

Until you can get to the GP you might want to try the nurofen migraine relief in the purple and silver packet. They are the only OTC that helps for me.