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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at being told to “just get on with it”

105 replies

rhaenyra01 · 07/11/2023 08:16

I have started having really bad migraines since having my DD. When I get them I can’t bear to look at light, and any sound even if it’s in another room or downstairs, goes straight through me and makes me feel like I’m being whacked on the head with a hammer. My whole head feels like it’s going to burst and it’s extremely painful. I also feel really nauseous and teary.

I started with one last night, took two ibuprofen and went to bed early, woke up several times through the night with the pain, this morning I was meant to be at work and was sat in tears in bed with the pain.

DH said not to go to work as I have to drive there and said it wasn’t safe for me to drive. As it’s a day where DH and I are both meant to be at work, we had arranged childcare, however DH got annoyed that he was having to take DD to childcare as he said if I wasn’t at work, I should be looking after her. I was literally sat with my hands over my ears and my eyes shut with the pain I was in, I could barely stand to hear him and DD’s voices. He said it was just a headache and I should just get on with it, what would I have done if childcare wasn’t arranged, etc. He left with DD making it pretty clear that he thought I was putting it on.

I don’t think DH appreciates how debilitating a migraine is and it’s really upset me. If I had a cold or anything else of course I’d look after my daughter even when I was off sick from work but I literally can’t bear sound and light when I have a migraine and all that helps me is lying in the dark and trying not to move. It’s making my head absolutely pound to write this post but just needed to vent. AIBU to be upset and feel guilty?

OP posts:
Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:18

Why on earth are you on your screen tapping out a thread

if I was your dh I would be a touch 🤔 at that

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:18

was literally sat with my hands over my ears and my eyes shut with the pain I was in, I could barely stand to hear him and DD’s voices.

And yet moments after they leave, you get your phone out and start a long mumsnet thread

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:21

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:18

Why on earth are you on your screen tapping out a thread

if I was your dh I would be a touch 🤔 at that

It's hardly the same spending 5 minutes writing a post on Mumsnet as spending a full day looking after a noisy small child is it?

EvilElsa · 07/11/2023 08:21

Until somebody has a migraine they never understand how savage they actually are. As someone who suffers you have my sympathies. I throw up, get vertigo and dizziness, paralysing pain down one side of eye and jaw so I can barely turn my head. It's horrendous. My sister developed them after me and said she finally knew what I was talking about! Poor you.

Tiswa · 07/11/2023 08:22

Have you seen the doctor and started getting medication for th

buckingmad · 07/11/2023 08:23

I was fully on your side until someone pointed out you’ve gone on your phone to type out a thread 😂

Your DH is unreasonable for saying you can’t drive to work but then expect you to I assume drive to nursery or at least walk.

You are unreasonable for being too ill to work but can go on mumsnet.

MrsElsa · 07/11/2023 08:25

Gods sake get started with GP not sit on mumsnet!

Do you wear glasses? Could be as simple as your prescription shifting due to pregnancy/post partum, mine went all over the shop and had to get 3 diff pairs in space of a year. Caused migraines which took me way too long to connect to wearing glasses for long periods (I work at a computer all day so thought it was my screen!!).

NoSquirrels · 07/11/2023 08:26

My DH gets debilitating migraines. I’d never treat him how your DH has treated you - of course you’re not fit to look after a baby/toddler/small child with a migraine.

Have you been to the GP, and have you tracked triggers? Are they hormonal perhaps? And can you stave them off with triptans if you catch them early enough? Taking too much ibuprofen a) can create a vicious cycle where you get ‘rebound headaches’ and b) isn’t that effective (so you were waking up with the pain).

Wendysfriend · 07/11/2023 08:28

Migraines are the worst . I suffered for 10 years with them, the only thing that touched the pain was Zomig. People don't really understand unless they suffer with them. I remember being so bad one day that I had to walk to the GP as I couldn't drive as my vision was so bad and I was vomiting along the street.

Your DH won't understand the pain or how you can't do anything, if he never gets them.

I ended up seeing a locum GP that was standing in for my own GP and he diagnosed me with high blood pressure, I haven't had a migraine since. That was over 10 years ago

watersoul · 07/11/2023 08:28

I suffer they are truly awful. You need to go to the gp and get prescription medication. Sumitriptain works wonders and means I can "get on with it." Sorry your husband is not sympathetic.

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:30

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:21

It's hardly the same spending 5 minutes writing a post on Mumsnet as spending a full day looking after a noisy small child is it?

Show quote history

Debilitating pain
nauseous
sick leave
can’t handle any external stimuli

but decides to start a detailed mumsnet thread

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 08:30

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:21

It's hardly the same spending 5 minutes writing a post on Mumsnet as spending a full day looking after a noisy small child is it?

Show quote history

If you suffered from migraines yourself, you would understand the point.

If they are as bad as described in the OP, the last thing you'd do is going on any screen unless you REALLY had to

ShirleyPhallus · 07/11/2023 08:31

You need migraine meds, not just ibuprofen OP. See your dr, hope you feel better

Ellie1015 · 07/11/2023 08:34

If it is stopping you working/driving of course you are unable to watch child. And if unsafe to drive to work then you wouldn't drive to childcare.

If the migraine has passed and you are off work due to disturbed sleep i would think he might have more of a point but still best to send child to childcare to catch up on rest and ideally get doctors appointment for migraine meds.

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:34

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 08:30

If you suffered from migraines yourself, you would understand the point.

If they are as bad as described in the OP, the last thing you'd do is going on any screen unless you REALLY had to

Show quote history

Exactly

and given the time - the op must have pulled out her phone moments after her DH walked out the door!

Fummymummy · 07/11/2023 08:35

Your DH was unreasonable. You can't look after a child with a migraine - especially if childcare is already arranged, why wouldn't you??

Have you been to the GP about the migraines? There is both preventative and treating medication they can try. If it's really bad they can refer you to a neurologist, so it's absolutely not "just" a headache. Migraines can be absolutely horrific and your DH needs educating. Has he ever had one?

Please take the time to ring or see your GP today and hopefully they will take it more seriously than your DH.

Hope you feel better soon x

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:36

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 08:30

If you suffered from migraines yourself, you would understand the point.

If they are as bad as described in the OP, the last thing you'd do is going on any screen unless you REALLY had to

Show quote history

I do suffer from migraines. I wouldn't personally start a long Mumsnet thread when I had one, but I could physically do that. I physically couldn't look after DC all day when I have one.

barbieofswanlake · 07/11/2023 08:36

A quarter of the posts on here are from you @Flipdiddle. You sound weirdly angry and over invested

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:37

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:36

I do suffer from migraines. I wouldn't personally start a long Mumsnet thread when I had one, but I could physically do that. I physically couldn't look after DC all day when I have one.

Show quote history

You’d be able to do that (and indeed want to do that) minutes after being in debilitating pain, covering your eyes with eyes closed and feeling nauseous?

LittleMooli · 07/11/2023 08:38

Aw OP. Please go back to bed and rest. Your DH is a dick. Is he always like this? What's the point of you struggling if you've arranged childcare? Can you leave him?

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:39

barbieofswanlake · 07/11/2023 08:36

A quarter of the posts on here are from you @Flipdiddle. You sound weirdly angry and over invested

Because my sister suffers from migraines

debilitating

and it is frustrating when people such as the op talks about debilitating, paralysing pain - but then feels happy to look at a screen and tap out a long message minutes after feeling as such

it denigrates the true suffering that migraines sufferers endure

Universalsnail · 07/11/2023 08:39

Tbh I don't think it matters why you were ill, if child was booked in to childcare for the day why would a parent who is off work sick for any reason suddenly have to look after their child too instead of the child going to the childcare they are booked in for and that is paid for. He is the one being completely unreasonable.

LittleMooli · 07/11/2023 08:40

If you've paid for the childcare you might as well use it

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 08:41

Flipdiddle · 07/11/2023 08:37

You’d be able to do that (and indeed want to do that) minutes after being in debilitating pain, covering your eyes with eyes closed and feeling nauseous?

Show quote history

Yes, I'd be able to - that's what I said.

It is clearly more difficult to look after a DC all day than spend 5 minutes typing a post on Mumsnet. Don't you agree?

Sparklfairy · 07/11/2023 08:42

It’s making my head absolutely pound to write this post but just needed to vent.

As a migraine sufferer, avoiding screens at all costs even if it meant putting off your 'vent' would take priority I'm afraid.