Page 6 | Birthday party ignorance

superdupernamechange · 2023-11-06T18:05:19+00:00

Long story short - I sent out birthday invites over a week ago to the children invited to my child's 5th birthday party. (Let's say around 15 children were invited) The invites were a bit badly put together (printed them myself) but I included the information - "(Insert name here)'s birthday party" "Date and location" "Time of party" "Phone number - any questions please ask" (yes I definitely wrote the phone number down correctly) "Please RSVP by (insert date) with name of child and whether you are able to attend, thank you." It's been over a week now and I have not had a single reply. There is only a few days left until the RSVP date. I'm unable to chase the matter up with *most* of the parents, for a number of reasons. (Silly reasons, but I am unable to nonetheless) Would it be unreasonable of me to cancel the party if I receive no replies by the RSVP date? This seems like the most logical thing to do. My worry with this is that people will still turn up, even having not bothered to respond. They will then be met with no party and I will be the bad guy at the school gates for letting their children down. On the other hand, why would I go ahead with something that quite possibly nobody will turn up to. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them, and that I will go ahead with it even with no responses. What would you do? This is my first time planning something like this and I am really stuck for what to do. Thanks.

Original poster

superdupernamechange · 06/11/2023 21:30

Crunchymum · 06/11/2023 20:56

Were the invites given out close to half term?

Yes day before half term

OP posts:

CaroleSinger · 06/11/2023 21:30

So not everyone knows what RSVP means and not everyone checks their child's bag every day. That's two very good reasons you might not have heard anything. I have a feeling people may well turn up at the venue on the day.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/11/2023 21:32

I think this is a great opportunity to get a class WhatsApp going! You’ll potentially never have to go through anything like this again in the future years, as you’ll be able to drop s message into the group chat x

It could still be awkward, though, as the parents of the boys in the class would also get all of the messages about the party that their DS has (not unreasonably) been excluded from.

User8054245 · 06/11/2023 21:34

The takeaway to this thread is whether it's actually worth throwing a big birthday party for a 5 year old?! I think it's amazing that OP has made the effort but trying to cobble together a social event with people who you don't have contact numbers of or who may not have even seen the invite sounds like a total nightmare. Children at that age are notoriously unreliable as well so you can hardly ask them to ask their friends.

Most people don't even have clear memories before 5. Would a 5 or 6 year old suffer lifelong trauma from not having a birthday party? Probably not. Would it spare adults a ton of headaches and stress? Definitely. I'm in a similar situation and this thread has given me the inclination to skip the party this year.

Wheelz46 · 06/11/2023 21:35

Just realised you gave invites out without the invitees name on, maybe that is where the confusion from parent's is coming from, hence no rsvp.

We have never received an invite without my kids name on, if I did, I would be saying, it was definitely for you isn't it which can be harder to navigate when they are only in reception.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/11/2023 21:35

Then turned up on the day, and were visibly annoyed that their DC’s names weren’t on the list.

I wonder if these same people turn up at the GP without bothering to make an appointment and just expect to be seen, or don't book a table at a very popular restaurant for a Saturday night and then are astonished that they won't be able to eat there when they arrive unannounced?

How do some people actually get through life?!

jesshomeEd · 06/11/2023 21:39

superdupernamechange · 06/11/2023 21:30

Yes day before half term

Show quote history

You're going to have to talk to the parents. Some won't even have looked in bookbags/drawers yet.

Also, parents may be reluctant to bring their child to a party when they have no idea who the birthday child or parent is. You need to introduce yourself!

Dacadactyl · 06/11/2023 21:41

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/11/2023 21:32

I think this is a great opportunity to get a class WhatsApp going! You’ll potentially never have to go through anything like this again in the future years, as you’ll be able to drop s message into the group chat x

It could still be awkward, though, as the parents of the boys in the class would also get all of the messages about the party that their DS has (not unreasonably) been excluded from.

I'd feel no awkwardness whatsoever about it.

If there was a WhatsApp I'd just say "Sophie has invited all the girls in the class to her bday party. Please can you rsvp on here. Thanks"

I can't imagine anyone getting het up that their son hadn't been invited.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/11/2023 21:44

I can't imagine anyone getting het up that their son hadn't been invited.

I wouldn't put it past some of them, though - especially the ones who don't bother RSVPing and are then annoyed that their child is not on the list of expected guests when they turn up anyway.

Original poster

superdupernamechange · 06/11/2023 21:44

Wheelz46 · 06/11/2023 21:35

Just realised you gave invites out without the invitees name on, maybe that is where the confusion from parent's is coming from, hence no rsvp.

We have never received an invite without my kids name on, if I did, I would be saying, it was definitely for you isn't it which can be harder to navigate when they are only in reception.

I knew it would be easier this way, and thought that's how it was done, however when I asked.. I was met with the response that the children's names are not able to be given out to parents. Even just first names.
There's been threads on here about it, and it seemed that nowadays a lot of parents give the invites unnamed for the teachers to give out

OP posts:

DisappearingGirl · 06/11/2023 21:46

Oh how stressful OP. I think this is common from reading on here! Probably happens more in some schools /social groups than others.

I think what I'd do is:

Try and hover outside school and talk to parents of girls as people have suggested
See how many you get RSVP'ing later in the week
If it's still none or really low, I'd start preparing your daughter that it might be very low key, it might just be you and her at soft play or a few people from school might come. Make it clear it's nothing bad about her, it's just that some people are busy, some are shy, some parents don't speak English etc
If it's still none or really low then you could do as someone else suggested and cancel the party room but still go to softplay - then just buy a drink and kids meal for any kids that do show up

I do agree it's really rude though. Not the poster with the abusive ex - that's an extreme and clearly stressful situation - but there are so many posts like this where people can't be bothered to reply.

Good luck!

Sunnydays0101 · 06/11/2023 21:50

I would imagine the fact that you hadn’t written the invited child’s name on the invitations might have something to do with the non-replies.

Original poster

superdupernamechange · 06/11/2023 21:56

Sunnydays0101 · 06/11/2023 21:50

I would imagine the fact that you hadn’t written the invited child’s name on the invitations might have something to do with the non-replies.

Why would that be a reason to not reply? The teachers told me explicitly I was not allowed a list of names, and that this is not permitted anymore due to GDPR

OP posts:

FlowingFoldingFlowers · 06/11/2023 21:56

From my experience, some people will turn up regardless of whether they have accepted.
Some will accept the day before, some will accept and not turn up, with no explanation ever.
I once had two different set of parents ring me from hospital on the day of the party ( absolutely true) rather upset that they couldn’t attend.
Other people will do nothing, and also not arrive.
Its astonishing.
And it’s horrific when you have to pay for people, who just don’t turn up, you have my sympathy.

FlowingFoldingFlowers · 06/11/2023 21:59

The best thing to do, is to collar some parents if you can and ask them if they are coming, or find one parent who seems to chat to everyone and ask them.

Its an all mighty pain sometimes.

Goldbar · 06/11/2023 22:04

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 06/11/2023 21:32

I think this is a great opportunity to get a class WhatsApp going! You’ll potentially never have to go through anything like this again in the future years, as you’ll be able to drop s message into the group chat x

It could still be awkward, though, as the parents of the boys in the class would also get all of the messages about the party that their DS has (not unreasonably) been excluded from.

We've had a few invites like this. No awkwardness whatsoever. Parents accept that their children can't be invited to every party and there are enough whole class ones at this stage that actually it's a relief to have a free weekend.

OP, I mean this kindly but you need to pull your finger out. These girls are going to be in your DD's class/year all the way through primary school - they will be her peers that she will play with and want playdates with. She will hopefully be invited to their parties. You need to invest some time in working out who they are and obtaining numbers for their parents. This information will be useful for years to come, especially in the absence of a class WhatsApp.

FallingStar21 · 06/11/2023 22:17

superdupernamechange · 06/11/2023 21:44

I knew it would be easier this way, and thought that's how it was done, however when I asked.. I was met with the response that the children's names are not able to be given out to parents. Even just first names.
There's been threads on here about it, and it seemed that nowadays a lot of parents give the invites unnamed for the teachers to give out

Show quote history

Never heard of that OP and never have received an "unnamed" invite.

Doesn't your DD know the names of the friends she wants to invite?

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/11/2023 01:33

Why would that be a reason to not reply? The teachers told me explicitly I was not allowed a list of names, and that this is not permitted anymore due to GDPR

Some of them might be socially anxious as well. If they suppose that their DD might possibly have picked up an invitation or general flyer from somewhere that's not intended for her, they could be mortified if they accept an invitation and confirm that their DD will be coming, only to learn that she was never invited in the first place.

On reflection, I think the lack of names may well have been at least one factor. With hindsight, it might have been slightly different if you'd clearly addressed each invitation 'To all the girls in Mrs Williams' class'.

Ostryga · 07/11/2023 07:06

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 07/11/2023 01:33

Why would that be a reason to not reply? The teachers told me explicitly I was not allowed a list of names, and that this is not permitted anymore due to GDPR

Some of them might be socially anxious as well. If they suppose that their DD might possibly have picked up an invitation or general flyer from somewhere that's not intended for her, they could be mortified if they accept an invitation and confirm that their DD will be coming, only to learn that she was never invited in the first place.

On reflection, I think the lack of names may well have been at least one factor. With hindsight, it might have been slightly different if you'd clearly addressed each invitation 'To all the girls in Mrs Williams' class'.

100% this! If Dd received an unnamed invite that a parent hadn’t passed to me themselves I’d wonder if it was actually meant for her.

You should have put a note in there saying hi! Sorry haven’t had a chance to introduce myself yet, I’m so and so’s mum and would love you to attend her birthday party. Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Sunnydays0101 · 07/11/2023 07:25

I think too in general, birthday invitations are being distributed far too early, two/three weeks in advance is enough. No-one really wants to RSVP to a child’s birthday party four or five weeks in advance - their parents simply won’t know what they will be doing in four Saturday’s time and don’t want to be tied down so far in advance. They might wait to RSVP nearer the time and then some will just forget about it because the invitation was sent too far in advance.

Original poster

superdupernamechange · 07/11/2023 12:52

Sunnydays0101 · 07/11/2023 07:25

I think too in general, birthday invitations are being distributed far too early, two/three weeks in advance is enough. No-one really wants to RSVP to a child’s birthday party four or five weeks in advance - their parents simply won’t know what they will be doing in four Saturday’s time and don’t want to be tied down so far in advance. They might wait to RSVP nearer the time and then some will just forget about it because the invitation was sent too far in advance.

It was only 3 weeks in advance

OP posts:

Original poster

superdupernamechange · 07/11/2023 12:53

@FallingStar21 no it is very annoying. Apparently that's a thing now. Not allowed to give name lists to parents. Even first names.
Silly in my opinion. There have been threads about it that I've seen on here.
Seems the norm now.
She can't tell me the names really, she's only 4 and only started September.

OP posts:

Amberjane41 · 07/11/2023 13:01

Ask your daughter to ask her closest friend if she’s coming to her party on the weekend. She must have mentioned to the other kids she is having a party surely!! If you know that at least one or two are coming then you can probably assume the rest are and if not at least her closest friends will be there and they will still have a good time. I don’t think little ones would worry if it were a big turn out or not. Then tend to gravitate towards just one or two people at that age anyway in social situations

FKATondelayo · 07/11/2023 13:06

Re GDPR - the receptionist / office will be able to send a message to the class via email saying:

"Superduper is X's mum. She would love to set up an informal class whatsapp group. If you're interested, please get in touch with her on 07XXX XXXXXX"

I did this when my son started a new school and I hardly knew anyone. Maybe only one person will reach out, but it will snowball.

I don't want to get all Motherland on you, but you can't go through school not knowing any other parents in your kids class. No mum left behind and all that.

timeforacoffeebreak · 07/11/2023 13:12

FKATondelayo · 07/11/2023 13:06

Re GDPR - the receptionist / office will be able to send a message to the class via email saying:

"Superduper is X's mum. She would love to set up an informal class whatsapp group. If you're interested, please get in touch with her on 07XXX XXXXXX"

I did this when my son started a new school and I hardly knew anyone. Maybe only one person will reach out, but it will snowball.

I don't want to get all Motherland on you, but you can't go through school not knowing any other parents in your kids class. No mum left behind and all that.

This is a lovely idea. Thank you !