To get involved with niece in uni

[Grealish]

Was in my nieces uni town this weekend for work. Met up with her in the evening, took her out for dinner, and we went back to her flat afterwards. Her cupboards were EMPTY. She had a bag of pasta & a jar of pesto and no other food to her name. Asked her why and she eventually admitted she had no money to buy anything else. We had a big chat and she said she’s been struggling to find a job (she’s doing a really intense course, is in uni 9-7 each day) and shes scared to ask her mum for more money and has been eating a meal a day for the past couple of weeks. In Ireland so students don’t automatically get loans.

Oh my god when I say my heart broke seeing her crying over being hungry. I know all uni students are broke but the thought of my little niece hahahaha aw stop I was in bits on the way home. Went to Tesco to get her some food and left her a €50 note when I was leaving.

I rang her mum (my sister) when I got home and told her about it and she was very much of the attitude well she better get a job then because she pays her rent. I explained that she’s trying to and that her daughter is going hungry. I wouldn’t mind but my sis and her husband have good paying jobs (not rich but not stuck for cash by any means) and she’s their only daughter.

What would you do in this scenario. It’s really not my place to do anything but my hearts broke thinking about my little niece making her pesto pasta every day.

I worked at uni it impacted my degree. I was lucky to have my Aunty live near and she’d have me to her house every weekend and feed me up!!

it’s her last year. I would help my niece all I can x

Her mum sounds heartless.

It’s not always easy to fit working around Uni even if you can find a job. My son was working 12-16 hours a week but has just given up his job as he can’t fit it in around his course anymore.

If I was you, I would tell her mum what I thought of her and help my niece out with money if her mum doesn’t.

She’s in her final year,

Exactly. This is where the work really ramps up. She has tried to find a job that is compatible with her studying and hasn't been successful. She isn't being "wet".

Why do some posters think that some students are lazy and have minimum contact hours?

If I knew that DD was gong hungry there is absolutely no way I would just tell her to pull her finger out and get a job. A hungry student isn't going to perform as well as a well fed student.

Goodness me, some people have had an empathy bypass today 🙁

Give what you can afford. Be it supermarket gift card or doing care package of the basics each month. Last year is horrible esp if doing the likes of a research dissertation plus labs plus classes

Both aldi and lidl do gift cards

Just eat in Ireland too if you wanted to send a treat as well as food shop

https://www.irishpost.com/news/students-across-ireland-are-relying-on-food-banks-to-get-by-colleges-claim-221482
Sadly she isn't alone

Tell her to look at student account with interst free overdrafts that dont ha e to be paid back for a year. Not ideal but better than starving

Lots of posters acting as if she isn't looking hard enough/properly for a job when it's possible all the flexible, minimal hours jobs might be taken by other students.
If you're not available until after 7pm, or only at weekends that very much limits what work will be available and she's not going to be able to spend all weekend working after essentially a ft job at uni.

We cycle through Hello Fresh and Gusto to take advantage of the free and discounted boxes. We get Hello Fresh first, once we have used all the discounted boxes we cancel Hello Fresh and use Gusto. By the time you've used all the discounted boxes from Gusto you normally have a "we miss you, here are some more discounts" email from Hello Fresh.

Maybe you could sign up to send your niece 2-3 meals a week, that way she's getting a few good, healthy meals a week but not having the hassle of shopping and meal planning added to an already busy schedule.

She has a reasonable chance of getting some seasonal part time work over Christmas. However, if she's not eating she won't have the energy to balance her busy lecture schedule with study and work.

Send her an Aldi/Lidl gift card, if you can.

Poor kid. No one should have to go hungry.

We gave DD €50 a week for food when she was in university in Dublin, which she did manage to get by on, her flat mates pooled their weekly grocery allowance though and bought basics like bread, cheese, milk, pasta etc.
She also raided the fridge and presses weekly when she was home.

it costs us €9000 a year to support DD in university , I couldn’t imagine funding that but not a bit extra so she could eat.

Also lots live at home for first degree which obviously keeps costs down. Not so much the living in halls as a rite of passage.

poor thing I feel really sorry for your niece I think her parents are really harsh to not care that she’s really struggling. If you can help her out I would it’s good that she has you to help her out until she can get back on her feet. I hope she manages to find a job soon.

Even a full grant in Ireland wouldn't pay your rent for the academic year in any university city. We paid 650 Euro a month for a tiny bedroom in a shared house in galway last year for our daughter. The first month she was in a Hostel because there was literally no accomodation. It's household income that's means tested and most household with 2 working parents would get no grant.
Getting no grant doesn't mean a household is well off and can afford to pay 3k fees, 7k accommodation and 5k living and travel for 3 or 4 years. The marginal tax rates and the level they kick in result in way less disposable income than a similar salary in UK and the cost of living is significantly higher. Nearly every metric for living costs is in the top 3 expense in Europe in Ireland.
There is no loan a student can get other than a commercial loan and the banks dont have student loan product. They have loan products for parents as do credit unions. Plenty of parents borrow 15k to get their children through University, plenty save 10 years to get them through. Mostly a mix of savings, students working in summer to save up and parents paying out of their income, gets students through higher education in Ireland. And, yes, our daughter was often in the university with contact time at 7pm in the evening and starting days at 9 am. She did do a Sunday all day job in retail.
But nobody is going to make an issue out of a relative helping out with some food. We sent ours back on a Sunday evening with home made lasagna and stews for the week. Nearly everyone around here did it. Aunts helping out always appreciated too. Do what you can for the next 7 months OP.

@OchonAgusOchonOh it's around 58 to 60 perc and we also have the highest level of attendance of 3rd level whilst still living at home. We also have a culture of parents making huge sacrifices for their children to attend higher levels on very low level of state support. It's attainable because of family sacrifice. Its not accessible at all.

I'd arrange a food delivery weekly with the essentials. Im sure she's a great kid but I'd be worried about sending money at that age...in case she used it to go partying instead. I say this as I used to support my DB until I realised he was blowing it on nights out!

If you can afford it, add some shower gel and sanitary products too.

There should be temporary retail positions coming up for the Xmas period. She would need to get applying ASAP though.

I'm staggered that her own mother can let her daughter struggle to eat.

I've had two go through uni. One was on a course that enabled her to fit in a part time job, the other was doing a science degree with lots of contact/lab time and all his spare time was spent studying/writing up lab reports. He worked in the holidays but couldn't fit in a job term time.

With both of them I still helped them out with whatever they needed, your sister sounds a piece of work.

If you want to help your niece out and can afford it I would. You could just transfer her some money each week, or set up a supermarket delivery.

I also lived with some girls who just didn't like cooking or really know how to plan and cook meals so they ate out a lot! Maybe she does this? They never had much in the cupboards either.

You said she was ‘crying about being hungry’. Even though you had just taken her out for a meal. You didn’t answer my questions about what she’d spent all summer doing if not working to fnd herself through the year, or why she doesn’t appear to have flatmates who could bung her a tin of tomatoes, or whose food would make those pitiably empty cupboards look fuller?

I’m a university lecturer, and have worked in the Irish and English systems, so am well aware of student circumstances, and how hard many students work to fund their studies. I get it’s tough, but being helpless and starving isn’t a good way to be for a young adult about to leave university — I have students on hardship funds, students working painfully antisocial hours jobs (quite a few night-time and early morning cleaners, which works with long days on campus), students going home at weekends to work in jobs there (if you book the cheap buses long enough in advance, it’s doable), students with flexible campus plus jobs. I have someone doing phone customer support at night for a company based overseas. One of last years second years used to muck out horses at a stables in the sticks, starting at 5 am, before travelling quite a long way to a 9 am class. There are options, even for someone with long days of contact hours, and she needs to explore them.

And I don’t think you’ve said whether your sister has refused to give her daughter any money at all apart from paying her rent? Is it possible her brisk attitude suggests there’s more going on? That her DD has blown money given by her parents on partying?

my heart broke seeing her crying over being hungry

The pp had some good points. Did she work over the summer? Can she sign up with agencies ready for Xmas work? Has she contacted the university about a hardship fund?

The percentage who go on to third level is higher than that as 63% of 18-24 year olds are in education. Many 21-24 year old would have already graduated.

I think one of the reasons we have such high levels of education is that as a nation we recognise the importance of education and parents are willing to make sacrifices to ensure their children get that education. I must admit to being frequently shocked on here with parental attitudes towards student offspring still in education.

But yes, it has become extremely difficult if the student can't live at home.

We paid 650 Euro a month for a tiny bedroom in a shared house in galway last year for our daughter.

That's mad. I have two currently in college in Galway and their rent is €90 pw for their own rooms in a shared house (4 bedrooms with 4 people sharing) but I know we are very lucky with that price. The place next door to them is charging €500 per person for the same set up.

If you can afford it, could you send her either a supermarket gift card or a basic online shop with essentials every couple of months for this year as she's close to the end? Bulk pasta, chopped tomatoes, rice, some spices to make it more exciting type thing, plus cereal, canned beans, onions last ages in the fridge, frozen veggies. Each term I stock my dd up from the big supermarket so during the term all she buys is bread, milk, cheese and eggs from her allowance, she's living on circa £8k a year easily

I was going to suggest the SUSI scheme but I can see that @Cailleach1 got there before me 😊

Is there any way that she could take a year out, defer her course for a year perhaps, work work work work work throughout that year and save like crazy so that she can afford to go back the following year?

Alternatively, she'll have to try to find something, that she could work at when she's not in college.

I think some posters still don't get that some STEM degrees are so time consuming that getting a job with regular hours is very difficult. DD also spent nearly all of her Christmas and Easter breaks doing university work - completing assignments, writing up lecture notes and revising for exams. She wasn't a party animal, she just had a lot of work - a lot more contact hours and many more self study hours.

Let's not forget that students also need some down time to sustain their mental health.

It paid off as she achieved a good first. Not working during university hasn't held her back as she walked ito a job pretty much straight away.