To get involved with niece in uni

[Grealish]

Was in my nieces uni town this weekend for work. Met up with her in the evening, took her out for dinner, and we went back to her flat afterwards. Her cupboards were EMPTY. She had a bag of pasta & a jar of pesto and no other food to her name. Asked her why and she eventually admitted she had no money to buy anything else. We had a big chat and she said she’s been struggling to find a job (she’s doing a really intense course, is in uni 9-7 each day) and shes scared to ask her mum for more money and has been eating a meal a day for the past couple of weeks. In Ireland so students don’t automatically get loans.

Oh my god when I say my heart broke seeing her crying over being hungry. I know all uni students are broke but the thought of my little niece hahahaha aw stop I was in bits on the way home. Went to Tesco to get her some food and left her a €50 note when I was leaving.

I rang her mum (my sister) when I got home and told her about it and she was very much of the attitude well she better get a job then because she pays her rent. I explained that she’s trying to and that her daughter is going hungry. I wouldn’t mind but my sis and her husband have good paying jobs (not rich but not stuck for cash by any means) and she’s their only daughter.

What would you do in this scenario. It’s really not my place to do anything but my hearts broke thinking about my little niece making her pesto pasta every day.

I would definitely help her out OP. I remember struggling to pay for food at uni and it was horrible. She might also need help with heating bills, my health suffered several times as a student when we couldn't afford to turn on the heating and that was before the huge price increases. If you can then I think a supermarket voucher every month or so would make a huge difference to her

depending on the course, and if you want to put in the hours to achieve the grades and complete the assignments, then the hours are needed, more so if its also oxbridge etc

No. It's €3000.

You can get some form of maintenance grant plus fees on an income of approx €47k, full fees paid but not maintenance up to aprx €51, half fees paid on income up to €62k. The max maintenance element is approx €7k but that's only on an income of up to €25k and it drops progressively to €1051 for an income of €47k.

I'd help her out with some shopping. You are her auntie, you're allowed.

My uncle used to give me a little help when I was younger - I was a student but I worked full time hours and still struggled (wasn't in student accomodations)! It made my life so much easier and I will forever appreciate it..it wasn't loads £20 here and there, but if you can afford a little help, It could be the difference between her finishing the course and not.

Shame about your sisters attitude. I’d do as you’ve done already and send her a basic shopping (maybe with a small treat in it as I’m a soft touch) as often as you can afford.

I’ve just completed a very full on degree and survived by having two separate agency jobs so I could pick and choose my hours around my course/placements. Tell her to look at agency work!

It's a real shame so many people have embarrassed themselves by posting when they've no idea of the Irish system. There was someone on the radio last year who was devastated that her son would have to leave his medical degree because she couldn't afford to keep paying towards him as COL had made it impossible.

There really isn't a system where the state pays for studies, FGS children in high school have to pay for their school books and I don't mean A-level texts, I mean you pay an annual fee for the books.

As for where to find temporary short term work, in most of Ireland that's not really an option unless you're in a tourist town and even then they will be overlooked in favour of people with years of experience if they apply too. There's little enough work for qualified and experienced people as it is.

People who grew up in England don't know they're born sometimes, honest to God.

OP you are being very kind helping your niece and I'm sure she'll appreciate it and hold you in her heart for doing this so she can get ahead in life. It's so lovely you've such a nice relationship with her.

That's sad. Yes, send her food shops. And she'll have to get a few evening stints in a bar or a pub.

Dreadful that her parents haven't stepped up a bit more. How can you watch your only child go hungry (yes, yes paying her rent) it's just want you do for your kids, in my opinion!

If you think your sister will be cross, give her cash for "birthday and Christmas" now. Even a couple of hundred should be enough for food for the term. Or give her €20 a week and say it's in lieu of Christmas and birthday (and graduation?) presents Also has she looked at online tutoring? Even 2 hours a week would pay her food bill.

Are you living in the 1980's?

There are plenty of jobs in any of the university towns. However, some courses are not amenable to working. We technically have full employment in Ireland so plenty of work for qualified and experienced people.

Yes, we currently pay for school books in secondary schools but they are free in primary school and that is being extended to secondary up to JC next year.

Re the state paying for 3rd level, our fees are much lower than England and you can get a maintenance grant of a salary up to €47k and between 50% and 100% of fees paid up to a salary of €62k.

We have no state system of deferred loans or graduate tax or anything similar.

People who grew up in England don't know they're born sometimes, honest to God.

Yes, students are super lucky in England with their £27,000 of tuition loans to pay.

I’d help her out with shopping. She cannot study effectively on one meal a day. Depending on your budget I’d focus on store-cupboard basics - porridge, bake beans, pasta, eggs, fishfingers, bread, tinned pulses. Get her a good student cookbook.

However I would also help her find a job, it’s good for her and your circs might change. Her Ma is being quite harsh IMO.

I chose to give my niece and now my nephew £300 a term while they are studying - I’d hate to think they had no money for food or fun and I don’t have kids of my own

I remember I used to work 3 jobs at uni at a time to try and keep on top of food and rent (no family support) and still got into loads of debt. I also only got a 2:2 because I was working so much I didn't have much time to study. I would have been beyond grateful for a kindly aunt to have given me some help!

In the same position I'd help out sending money or vouchers if you could afford.

Getting a job isn't always easy/possible. In the 1990s I had a "saturday and sunday job" . All the ft staff had Sundays off. Now if you work in retail ft usually covers weekends, there aren't usually separate roles for weekend staff.

If OPs niece doesn't finish/get home til 7pm that might exclude some evening shifts, a lot of employers may not be interested in someone with such limited availability....apart from the fact that she's already working ft hours at uni.

To be fair to her parents, if they’re paying for her to rent an apartment, even sharing a room, it’s probably €1,000+ a month.

OP, my approach once my nieces and nephews were over 18 is that anything I give them is between me and them, and isn’t anything to do with their parents.

I'm a university lecturer and in this case I'd be helping her out with some decent storecupboard basics. Especially as she's in her final year, as it's so important (usually) to her final degree classification.

I would offer the support but also encourage her to get a job - even if just a bar job on a Saturday night. Vulnerable time for her.

I don't think rents are that quite that bad in Dublin.

Ds1 is working in Dublin so a bit more up market than student accommodation, and he is paying €750 for his own room in a 3-bed house. Still utterly insane though.

You did the right thing op. I could not bear my neice or nephews hungry

Meh. I eat pesto pasta many days a week.

I lived of cans of spaghetti hoops and toast as I was skint at uni. I'm alive.

That's what you took from this post? My first degree was 9-6, 5 days a week and then 2-10 on a Wednesday alternate weeks. I had a 9pm lecture. I had studio/workshop time rota'd in on a Saturday morning. This was an arts degree so nothing majorly academic. No one was interested in employing someone for just a random morning shift every other Wednesday. I also had so much practical course work to complete that I didn't have time to work random retail shifts on a weekend around my allotted studio time. I couldn't afford to eat, I couldn't afford to travel home to see family & friends. My parents also couldn't understand why I was so lazy that I could get a job and earn my much needed £4.85 an hour nmw . I ended up dropping out of this course and going back home to find a job I could do around another course and live at home.

If you can afford it, I'd send her a food shop when you can. My FIL used to offer to drive Dd back to uni, but her a food shop and slip her money then granny often gave her money too while grandad was in the loo. We used to send her extra money if she needed it. Covid years were harder as her job had been closed down so that extra money had helped a lot.

Why would someone go to uni without a plan of how to fund it? Presumably there was some arrangement, grant/loan etc of how she was going to have the basics to eat. Then any job is to lift it past that £20 a week or whatever.

I suppose sometimes students do spend more of what money they have on going out or drinks rather than food.

You could buy her some stuff if you like but you might not be getting the whole picture of her finances.