To get involved with niece in uni

[Grealish]

Was in my nieces uni town this weekend for work. Met up with her in the evening, took her out for dinner, and we went back to her flat afterwards. Her cupboards were EMPTY. She had a bag of pasta & a jar of pesto and no other food to her name. Asked her why and she eventually admitted she had no money to buy anything else. We had a big chat and she said she’s been struggling to find a job (she’s doing a really intense course, is in uni 9-7 each day) and shes scared to ask her mum for more money and has been eating a meal a day for the past couple of weeks. In Ireland so students don’t automatically get loans.

Oh my god when I say my heart broke seeing her crying over being hungry. I know all uni students are broke but the thought of my little niece hahahaha aw stop I was in bits on the way home. Went to Tesco to get her some food and left her a €50 note when I was leaving.

I rang her mum (my sister) when I got home and told her about it and she was very much of the attitude well she better get a job then because she pays her rent. I explained that she’s trying to and that her daughter is going hungry. I wouldn’t mind but my sis and her husband have good paying jobs (not rich but not stuck for cash by any means) and she’s their only daughter.

What would you do in this scenario. It’s really not my place to do anything but my hearts broke thinking about my little niece making her pesto pasta every day.

I’m with her Mum on this, actually

Thank goodness her aunt has more empathy than you and her mum @Sartre 😒

How is this even a question? Of course you should give the niece money for food, unless you're literally in the same struggling-to-eat situation.

I know all uni students are broke This isn't true, however. Most uni students (IME) are not in your poor niece's situation.

@RampantIvy They are paying her rent to be fair but I imagine she must have some small amount of money, loan etc coming from somewhere else too, or it wouldn'tve made sense to go really. Yes 'get a job' but you have to live until you do that, plus jobs can be unreliable.

Such little compassion on this thread, I am aghast. Poor girl.

When I was at uni (10 years + now!) my parents gave me a supermarket gift card.

They couldn’t afford to pay me anything regularly but if I was struggling they were able to top it up with small amounts online so I could get groceries or toiletries. If my mum had a spare £5 or £10 she would add it and let me know so I could get a treat!

Could you get something similar for your niece and top it up when she needs essential supplies?

You can eat for £30 a week, not great, but not going hungry. If you can I'd support her. I used to buy my niece a bus pass and occasional shopping. It made a massive difference to her MH.

I would make her an allowance for food every week maybe a supermarket voucher for what you can afford.

@Grealish if its her final year, even more reason to support her. I would take her somewhere like costco and bulk buy a load of toileteries, cleaning products, non perishables and frozen veg/fruit(so much cheaper and just as good nutritionally) . then she can use the amount she has for dairy/meat/fish/fresh veg and other essentials.

you can probably spend about 400 and buy enough to last her 3 months worth of stuff

You can eat for £30 a week,

The niece is in Dublin. Irish mumsnetters - how well can you eat for 34 euros a week?

For one person? So long as you're not going for expensive cuts of meat or lots of ready meals, no problem

Poor kid. I’d be asking my niece to message me if she’s without food, I couldn’t see her hungry. What heartless parents

Really tricky one as it’s between her and her mother really but I couldn’t not help.

I think it would not go down well with her dm for you help her regularly (as it might demotivate her to get a job) but I’d send a tesco voucher now and again.

shocked that there’s no loans available in Ireland. The debt that British kids rack up is shocking but at least there is money to get them through it.

Her mum does not care that she has no food? Wow

Yes OP some protein food would be great even a block of cheese or eggs with the pasta and some veg.

Can you point her to a cheap supermarket yellow sticker option for the future?

There are grants which are available on a sliding scale up to a salary of €62k.

We also have the third highest rate of third level education in the oecd so it's obviously attainable for most. I think it's something like 70-75% who go on to third level.

My engineering degree had 36 hours contact time a week, a mixture of lectures, seminars, labs and tutorials. On top of that were assignments, reading and prep work. I pulled pints in the evening and had summer jobs, it was bloody hard.

If you are content with eating pasta, jacket potatoes, bread, own brand tinned goods and whatever goodies you find on the discount shelf it is possible.

I think Tesco and other supermarkets do cards where you can top one up and they can spend o the other one?

I would help my niece in the same situation. My sister helped me when I was chucked out of a flat share and my other sister gave me £500 when I was in need.

I literally wouldn’t have hesitated to do what you did and I would send her a Supermarket gift card every now and then as long as I knew it wouldn’t upset my sister.

Idk tbh when I was at uni I ate some crap meals because they were dirt cheap so I could spend on nights out and beer. For example pasta with salt, or rice with soy sauce. It's kind of part of being a student IMO! Lovely if you to want to help her though

Yes. Easily.

Honestly, OP, it’s nice you’re so bothered, but is she usually so wet? She’s in her final year, so not a first year finding her feet, but she’s sitting about weeping about not eating, hasn’t got a job, even a weekend one, and is ‘too scared’ to ask her parents? She will have had a lengthy summer vac — didn’t she work throughout? Surely that’s not all gone by the start of November? When I was a student, we used to work two or three jobs all summer to get us through the academic year, especially people with intensive schedules, and we were usually paying our own rent, too, admittedly for somewhere pretty rancid.

Surely she’s not living alone — aren’t her friends around to pool some cheap spaghetti, eggs and the like? We’d probably have gone hungry if it hadn’t been for one another at times.

I’d get her a job lot of pasta, pulses, tinned tomatoes etc and a gentle motivational talk about getting her act together.

@Slipknotted
I never once said she was sitting about weeping? I noticed the empty cupboards and asked her about it, she lied and said that she just hadn’t done the food shop yet etc etc and eventually she admitted that this was all she could afford for the week.

There are student grants (which don't have to be paid back). They are means tested, though.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/education/third-level-education/fees-and-supports-for-third-level-education/student-grant-scheme/

I just can’t understand her DM’s attitude. My DSs are my children and still will be when they are uni students so it’s just as much my responsibility to feed them as when they were little.

They can also live at my house (rent free, unless I take some to put it aside for their futures) whenever they want and no matter how old they are, if they need to.

Yes. I have mentioned them up thread.

I don’t know her and even I want to bung her 20quid. Poor lass.
It seems like the parents have washed their hands of her now she’s moved out to uni. It’d be interesting to see if she’d be welcomed back once she’s qualified.

She’s your niece and is likely struggling, which makes it very much your place.

Send her food vouchers so she at least has something to eat. One less worry as she completes her studies.