To get involved with niece in uni

[Grealish]

Was in my nieces uni town this weekend for work. Met up with her in the evening, took her out for dinner, and we went back to her flat afterwards. Her cupboards were EMPTY. She had a bag of pasta & a jar of pesto and no other food to her name. Asked her why and she eventually admitted she had no money to buy anything else. We had a big chat and she said she’s been struggling to find a job (she’s doing a really intense course, is in uni 9-7 each day) and shes scared to ask her mum for more money and has been eating a meal a day for the past couple of weeks. In Ireland so students don’t automatically get loans.

Oh my god when I say my heart broke seeing her crying over being hungry. I know all uni students are broke but the thought of my little niece hahahaha aw stop I was in bits on the way home. Went to Tesco to get her some food and left her a €50 note when I was leaving.

I rang her mum (my sister) when I got home and told her about it and she was very much of the attitude well she better get a job then because she pays her rent. I explained that she’s trying to and that her daughter is going hungry. I wouldn’t mind but my sis and her husband have good paying jobs (not rich but not stuck for cash by any means) and she’s their only daughter.

What would you do in this scenario. It’s really not my place to do anything but my hearts broke thinking about my little niece making her pesto pasta every day.

English lecturer? 6hrs a week? 😂

Irish HE is different to the English system and it’s not uncommon for students to spend long days at Uni.

She does need to get a job even if its Maccies at the weekend. My DD works sat and sun not a full day Sat but a short shift then a full shift Sun, she then has 3 full on days and 2 days for project work - the whole course is project based in groups and is active rather than academic book learning type course although there is some of that. Its tough - means she hasn't been home, no reading week as in some Unis. I have told her to work whilst she can as no guarantee she will be able to in coming terms with workload etc.

More practically get one of these student/parent shop cards for her local supermarket and put some money on each month. Have a word with her and say you will send Birthday cards and christmas but for now this is your gifts. I would suggest £100 should cover her for groceries and basic things like tampons and pads, wash powder and so on. If I saw her I would also do a trip to supermarket and a bit of cash as you did. I would also get her a basic cook book as well - something aimed at students and thrift orientated.

If she has access to hardship funds etc worth a go, plus she needs to work out when yellow sticker time is for a few of her locals.

Are there any other rellies who might contribute? Even a 10 er a mth between 2 or 3 all helps etc. I can remember in my early 20s subbing my siblings at 20 quid a mth to help. I was the first to go to Uni and struggled as there was little to be had from home as was eldest of 6.

That said even if she does one shift a week it will make a difference to her mental health if nothing else

I couldn't have done my course with a job and those that tried all dropped down to the BSc from the integrated masters. We had lectures 9 till 6 two days a week, labs 9 till 6 two days a week. Wednesday we had lectures 9 till 1 the afternoon supposedly off for sports and societies but in reality it was for tutorial and workshop work and lab write up. I worked most evenings until 9-10 pm and full days at the weekend too.

The best use of your time is to help make sure she is accessing everything she is available to access.
It give autonomy to your niece and limits potential for upsets in the family.

After that it's your family how would it be viewed if you gave something regularly whether that is something a week a month or a term. Alternatively taking your niece food shopping periodically might go down better?

As I said above there were no opportunities for me to work and the Christmas and Easter holidays were taken up with exam revision. I did work full time during the summer holidays so once you get towards the summer I would support her with searching for jobs or summer placements at the university depending on the field.

There isn't a student loan system similar to the UK's in Ireland. The only loans available would be bank loans.

I'm also aghast at 6 hours a week! DS1 is doing Maths & is in lectures/ tutorials 9-4 Mon-Thur & 11-3 Friday. He then hits the library as he has 4 online tests a week Mon/Wed/Fri which all go towards his final grade. Sunday night after work is his time to prep for the week. He barely has time to go wild (Thursday nights now & again 😅).

I help both my nieces financially. I gave the older one the equivalent of a year's tuition over the 3 years of her first degree and now she's postgraduate, I'm giving her cash towards her rent. Her younger sister has just begun her first degree and I'm giving the same amount as I gave her sister (a year's tuition cash).

I'm 65. I got a full grant and tuition paid for my first degree and a year postgraduate. I see this as my duty to help my family, now that they have to pay for themselves.

I would send her some money every month if I were you and could afford it. No one needs to know.

I would definitely help her with food. I couldn't live with myself knowing that my child goes without food.

We pay for our DDs accomodations, they work few hours Saturday and Sunday, I wouldn't give them money to go out, travel, clothes, but food?! Even if they work and buy their food most of the time, if they want to take food from home, they are welcome to do so.

If she's in uni 9-7 each day, her mum is being very unreasonable to expect her to get a job on top. That's 50 hours per week, not counting any work she does at home. I bet your sister doesn't work a 50 hour week. And OK, sister pays the rent - but that's kind of the deal when you have a kid. You pay for them and you help them. Working on top of an intense degree like that is too much.

I'd send your niece little bits of money from time to time. Not a regular amount so she thinks oh, aunty will always buy my food, just from time to time send her varying amounts of money. Obviously don't send money that's going to cause you to be short.

Crikey! What sort of parent reacts like your neice’s mum when told her DD is eating one meal a day?! I’d be horrified!

Of course you should give her money for food. Any reasonable person would!

There’s a reason that the top universities advise their students not to get a job if at all possible.

Does she have inattentive ADHD? Common in girls ad they struggle to manage and plan their time and she could be studying at uni this amount of time.

Thanks for your help so far!
Just to add, she’s in her last year of study hence why it’s so intense. She has worked to support herself in past years and is actively looking for work this year, it’s not as if she’s just sitting around expecting a free ride!

Dublin is a very expensive place to live so I do really feel for her! I wouldn’t like to be a student there today!

Goodness, what courses are 9-7 every day? I lived with Med students which was pretty full on and they didn’t have such long days, plus for Wednesday afternoons off.

When you say they don’t get automatic loans in Ireland, well you don’t anywhere-you need to apply. Are you saying she hasn’t applied or doesn’t qualify? If her parents are paying her rent, what money is she getting via a loan? Is there no minimum loan in Ireland ?

@Shinyandnew1 There’s no minimum loan or anything like that in Ireland. We have grants for people whose parents earn under a certain threshold, but it’s quite a low threshold I believe. Any loans would be bank loans.

In these circumstances I would support my niece
I was skint at Uni and it’s not nice

I’d help her out. I remember struggling as a student and my dm took the line that your sister has done - ‘she’s got to learn to budget and get a job’ etc etc. My ddad would take pity on me and shove an envelope of cash my way every so often, with a gruff “Don’t tell your mother!”

I was ever so grateful. I still learnt to budget and got a job, but those handouts helped me navigate the tricky path to independence.

All 3 of my dc had/have full on days like that. Dd is in final med and she is generally in from 8am to 6/7pm on hospital days and 9-6 on lecture days. Ds2 has one day a week when he finishes at 3, otherwise he is going 9-6 or 7 with an odd hour or two off in the middle of the day. He's doing engineering.

Odd hours off in the middle of the day are of no use for part-time jobs.

Surely most students in Ireland get bank loans then-why doesn’t she do that? Surely that’s more sensible than starving!

How did she pay for her living expenses for the first two years ?

The OP said she worked. Also she’s in her 3rd year so may have already used the bank loan I guess.

No, they don't. It would be quite unusual. Most either get grants or are supported by parents and supplement by part-time term-time work and/or summer jobs.

This is such a tricky and sad situation. I feel very sorry for your niece. Well done you for helping her.

Her parents are paying her rent, which will be no small sum and that could probably mean that they are financially squeezed by that. So they may not have very much more money that they are able to give her.

Jobs for students that fit around studying can be very hard to find. My DD1 found that. She did have several jobs over her uni years but in her final year just couldn't keep it going. She'd been working nightshifts at the Students Union on her campus and studying all day. Not sustainable obviously because sleep is necessary at some point too. No other suitable jobs were forthcoming.

You sound like a lovely aunt here. If you can afford to, I would help your niece out during term time with either money for food shopping or with an online grocery order to be delivered to her.

Help her apply for any suitable looking holiday jobs if you see anything.

My DD3 is currently in her final year at Cambridge and also struggling financially although we give what we can too. She isn't allowed to work term time and that is in the terms and conditions issued by her college. Not sure how enforceable that one is, but they specify it anyway. She is bank staff for Costa Coffee, worked there in the summer and should be able to get some shifts over the Christmas and Easter holidays.

It's a difficult situation all around.

You haven't said whether you can afford to help her out, OP. If you can, then I really think you should.

Northern Ireland also gives very limited loans. DDs friend was supported by aunties. They clubbed together to ensure she had enough to live on. And all came to the graduation.

OP I would do what you can to support her. A regular trip to Lidl to stock up on basics. It is important she does well, which she won't if she is stressed or hungry. Don't worry about your sister, nor say anything to her. This is between you and your neice.

No they certainly do not. Under a certain threshold there are grants towards fees and living expenses but the threshold is exceptionally low. Parents here support their children. It’s normal for students to work part time to pay towards living expenses and parents to pay fees and rent.
I’ve have never heard of a student getting a bank loan to pay fees, I’ve known a few parents to take bank loans to pay college expenses though.
OP your sister may not have have the financial capacity to finance her daughters living expenses, after uni fees and rent especially in Dublin she has probably paid approx €12,000 per year and might just not have capacity to pay more.

Do you pay £9k each year in tuition fees as well in Ireland?