To ask what should happen now? DD attacked by other students

[RainInNovember]

DD is 15, shes had a few issues with people, got into a few arguments, nothing major and mainly over whatsapp etc, she does seem to get involved in the drama. But a lot of her friends are similar and there are often fallings out but then friends again the next week.

I just had a message from dd at school. she said two girls who she used to be friends with have waited outside her lesson for her and followed her. once she was on her own they put a coat over her head and started punching her in the head and pulling her hair and dragging her about.

she has told school and she said the girls are currently in isolation, I have called school who said they're investigating now and will call me back shortly.

I have never dealt with anything like this before. I just want to know what to expect and how seriously they should take it.

Well she doesn't want to go to school, but I've said it's best to go today while the girls aren't in school.

I did ask school if my daughter is at risk of being targeted once they're back, was told she doesn't have a crystal ball and that they will have to sign a behaviour contract and if it happens again will face a 2 day exclusion !!

@Teateaandmoretea I rather thought, after reading most comments, many people posting thought it should end up in court. All sorts of language have been used around prosecution charges. I don’t think it should. Yes, the police could visit the offenders but as it’s a 1 day suspension they really would not get involved.

I also think the punishment doesn’t appear, on the face of it, to fit the alleged crime. So there’s more to this. The school behaviour and punishment policy would give further clues and details of the investigation which took no time at all, but “pressing charges”, as suggested, does infer a court hearing. I agree. Never going to happen.

I've actually let her stay home today she's really anxious.

School haven't said different to me than what my daughter said. Although they made out it was more heat of the moment because dd was ignoring their questions/comments so they followed get and then attacked as she wasn't giving them the attention,

School said whatever the behaviour, for a first offence the punishment is always a one day suspension

Although they made out it was more heat of the moment because dd was ignoring their questions/comments so they followed get and then attacked as she wasn't giving them the attention

nice bit of victim blaming. I think school is handling this appealingly.

I'm not surprised she's feeling anxious.

I also think the "crystal ball" comment is appalling when you're looking for reassurance from the school that your daughter won't be assaulted. This should be a basic right of each child going to school.

That and the comment about the perpetrator studying law makes me think they're not taking it seriously enough, and would make me want to escalate to head or governors.

I can’t believe the leanancy of the punishment they have received - this was a premeditated physical assault (they waited for her and knew hat they were going to do) they are old enough to understand right and wrong and the consequences

a day suspension is not proportionate to the incident I would be telling the school that I as t satisfied with the outcome or there attitude to ensuring DD was safe at school going forward

comments like - she wants to study Law and this could affect her and I don’t have a crystal ball are totally inappropriate in the circumstances

@RainInNovember so sorry that your daughter's gone through this. Hope she's OK today.

@TattiePants what a brilliant response. Can I ask how your son found the individual meetings with the lads who attacked him?

Oh and the teacher (pastoral) said to DD that there's a war going on and you girls are being petty about things like this, it's a lovely school with lovely people and I'm sure the girls feel ashamed of their actions.
Dd said they were laughing as they walked away

These things happen in school on a fairly regular basis . School don't call the police to report, they would call them if they can't stop the fight or threat. They have their own procedures in dealing with investigations and consequences.

I think that's enough now for a formal complaint. This plus the victim blaming, the studying law comment, the crystal ball comment, the ridiculous punishment and the refusal to put any measures in place to keep your DD safe.
And I would go back to the police and press them to do something about this.

@Evaka he found 3 out of 4 of the meetings very helpful. In each meeting was DS, DH, head of 6th form and one of the boys. The first 3 seemed to grasp the seriousness of what they’d done, promised it would never happen again and understood the impact on DS.

The final meeting was an absolute disaster. This was with the boy who’d by far done the most (whipped DS with a leather belt across his bare back, sexual assault etc). The boy’s father had asked to be included and both us and school agreed as we assumed he wanted to apologise. The dad said nothing to DH, never apologised or even asked how DS was. The only time the dad spoke was to complain how long the process had taken and that his DS had had it hanging over him over Christmas! Thankfully the head of sixth form shut him down and pointed out that she was more concerned how it had affected DS. His son hardly apologised and complained about the harshness of his sanctions. Thankfully he’d left (or was pushed) a few months later.

The OP has to use the school's complaints policy - it isn't a case of "escalating" to the head, because the head has made the decisions re: action.

She can request a meeting with the Head to discuss the issues, but if the head says they're following the published school behaviour policy, then escalating a complaint to the governing body will result in them ascertaining whether or not the policy was followed correctly - they cannot and will not increase the punishment.

The OP should, however, pressure the police, who are lying when they say their "hands are tied".

Sorry this is happening to your daughter. Sounds like the school don’t want to take any responsibility for this incident.
Can you speak to the girls parents to get a feel for how they might deal with this moving forward.
The pastoral teacher is just patronising and sounds like they’re in the wrong job.
No wonder people take the law into their own hands when the authorities fail to protect innocent victims.

They may have their own procedures, but unfortunately for them they don’t get to override the law. A criminal assault has taken place.

OP, I’d go back to the police and clearly state what you want to happen.

Oh, and as for the school fobbing you off with ‘but she wants to study law!!’, that would just motivate me further to f- that up for her. No-one who violently attacks another person should be working in any part of the justice system.

She would not be studying law - period.

Totally agree with this. These girls should not be studying law!!! 🙄

One day isn't long enough to be a deterrent. They should have been put in isolation for a week to bore them to tears and separate from your daughter for a little bit.
There's no good reason to jump on someone and attack them, can't believe the school.

I've been reading all the excellent advice you've had so far but given today's updates just want to point you back to a previous poster's suggestion of flagging up the safeguarding policy - saying they haven't got a crystal ball is not going to impress OFSTED that they are taking peer on peer abuse seriously. Please do get the relevant documents together, the anti bullying policy, the safeguarding policy and email a complaint setting out that the punishment is too lenient given the offence, that they have a duty of care to your daughter to ensure she is safe on the school grounds, and that the are victim blaming rather than actually dealing with it in an appropriate manner. I would also speak to the Police again and say that you want the matter taken further, not just passed to the school, if they say there is nothing more they can do, ask them for details of their complaints procedure.

@RainInNovember I can assure you NO school would not permanently exclude for certain misdemeanours. Try attacking and harming a teacher and it would be instant PE. Same with violently attacking another child when obvious lasting harm is done. Your school is fobbing you off with this.

Could you move schools. This clearly isn’t working for DD. Maybe a new start? Get away from the drama?

She has her GCSEs this year but it's certainly something to think about if necessary

Just to add: I worked for a LA negotiating new schools and pru places for PE children. Occasionally they were first offences but they were more serious than that described here. I would also expect the school to get to the bottom of why these girls fall out with each other all the time. It’s unhealthy and counter productive. DD needs to disengage. I see she didn’t want to answer but this needs to be matched to them backing off. So all of them need to change. Find new friends maybe? Are other girls now sympathetic or not contacting dd? What about other friends? Many girls do not have this falling out and making up sagas. Mine didn’t. They all need to be talked to about avoiding conflict and what being a friend actually means. Then you can find a group with your values. But, if you do keep falling out and stoking the fire, you get girls like this doing things like this.

I would ask for guidance on what to do now. How can the school help? What can friends do? How can she be kept away from the girls and I suggest no social media with them either.

Wonder if all that had been done to your DD by these girls had been done instead to one of the teaching staff would the outcome be the same.

Leave for 6th form. All the more necessary to stop the arguments and have a calmer life!

Most attacks on teachers don’t follow years of falling out dramas and making up. They are usually carried out by Dc with SEN and severe behaviour management needs. Dc who might end up in prison.

Time to speak to the head about the appalling behaviour of the pastoral staff. If not happy with the response and the proposal for safeguarding going forward take that to the governors .I'd also be asking to speak to a more senior police officer.

This is disgusting. Get everything they said to you written down while it’s all fresh in your mind and then write a letter asking how the school can justify victim blaming and calling an assault complaint petty. Also ask for contact details for the governors.