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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what should happen now? DD attacked by other students

433 replies

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 12:31

DD is 15, shes had a few issues with people, got into a few arguments, nothing major and mainly over whatsapp etc, she does seem to get involved in the drama. But a lot of her friends are similar and there are often fallings out but then friends again the next week.

I just had a message from dd at school. she said two girls who she used to be friends with have waited outside her lesson for her and followed her. once she was on her own they put a coat over her head and started punching her in the head and pulling her hair and dragging her about.

she has told school and she said the girls are currently in isolation, I have called school who said they're investigating now and will call me back shortly.

I have never dealt with anything like this before. I just want to know what to expect and how seriously they should take it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 13:03

im not going down demanding action. im collecting dd as she has been assaulted and is upset. i have said i will wait to hear from school before taking it further

OP posts:
hydriotaphia · 06/11/2023 13:06

I think you should clarify with the school if they have involved the police and if not you should not wait to involve them. Involving the police now will not hinder the school's internal investigation. The school should have called them immediately and to me it is a red flag if they did not (ie they don't want the bad press). Yes, it would be the 101 number as there is no immediately emergency. Sorry this happened to your DD.

morningrollwithbutter · 06/11/2023 13:08

I am so sorry this happened to your DD. This happened to me a few times at school and it really does affect you. I was scared in school most of the time.

SmallBlueDinosaur · 06/11/2023 13:08

hydriotaphia · 06/11/2023 13:06

I think you should clarify with the school if they have involved the police and if not you should not wait to involve them. Involving the police now will not hinder the school's internal investigation. The school should have called them immediately and to me it is a red flag if they did not (ie they don't want the bad press). Yes, it would be the 101 number as there is no immediately emergency. Sorry this happened to your DD.

Thank you

GoldDuster · 06/11/2023 13:19

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 12:45

thanks, she said she isnt in any physical pain. she said the hair pulling was the worst but the punches wernt too bad especially as she had a coat over her

I'd go and get her immediately, give the school 24 hours to get back to you during which time your DD won't be back in, with a full run down of what action has and will be taken, and let the school know you will be informing the police in the interim.

Your DD may be minimising as she's in shock and trying to prevent ramifications, but this needs dealing with quickly and effectively and don't rely on the school not to cover their own arse, the best outcome for your DD is not necessarily the best outcome for the school. Good luck.

IfKipling · 06/11/2023 13:22

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 13:03

im not going down demanding action. im collecting dd as she has been assaulted and is upset. i have said i will wait to hear from school before taking it further

Well done @RainInNovember you've been brilliant. Your poor DD and you. It is shocking. X

Mouk · 06/11/2023 13:25

I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter.

I'd go down to the school, take her to A&E to be checked over. I'd also call the police.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 06/11/2023 13:27

I'm not condoning an attack at all. It's awful and I hope your DD is ok. Just before contacting the police I would 100% make sure your DD involvement. Especially as you mention social media. Attacks over that are also involved in a police matter.

Not nice at all and I hope she is ok.

TizerorFizz · 06/11/2023 13:33

Don’t go to A&E. keep an eye on her. Wait for the school to investigate. The police won’t at this stage. You don’t get a say in punishment but read the school policy on behaviour and sanctions. This should clarify what to expect.

If it was my DD I would talk to her about how she navigates her way around others. Who needs all this falling out drama all
the time. It’s wearing and must be so draining. It’s not to excuse the others but try and get DD to calm down a bit. DD2 had “friends “ like this. Always loud and arguing. She had to dump them for a peaceful life!

Original poster
RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 13:38

thanks, yes weve had discussions about this countless times
hopefully we can turn a corner

OP posts:
Mariposista · 06/11/2023 13:40

If she has been punched in the head, she should be seen by a doctor. Even if she is fine, you will at least have a medical report to include in your police report. So sorry for your poor kid. She goes to school to learn, not deal with this crap.

Nicole1111 · 06/11/2023 13:42

Once the school feed back to you immediately after ask to see a copy of their bullying policy and check if their actions are in line with it. That should motivate them to take you seriously. Also query if they have reported an assault that took place on their property to the police.

Original poster
RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 13:47

thanks all. Is therer anything else you can think i need to ask school when they ring?

i am going to ask how they are going to make sure she is safe going forward.
and if they have reported it to the police. i will look at the behaviour policy now ( although a quick scan shows one of the things is getting the bully to apologise with appropriate sincerity 🙄
but it does say informing the police if necessary

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 06/11/2023 13:48

Oh your poor daughter! I'd be straight there to pick her up and asking the school exactly what they have done/intend to do going forward.

2023aaa · 06/11/2023 13:52

I’m sorry, what? I think the biggest question here is why the police weren’t called as soon as the incident happened. What is the school thinking?!

So what if they were put in isolation? That’s no consequence to a teenager and won’t affect them in any way. They've got away with it.

A violent crime has been committed and the correct authorities need to be informed immediately. That’s not the school.
It’s up to the police and CPS to investigate and, hopefully, prosecute.

If you saw a person attacked in the street, what would you do? Phone the police, obviously!
Why should it differ because they’re teenagers in school? Let the little criminals get what they deserve. I hope your DD is OK.

rockingbird · 06/11/2023 13:52

You need to get to the bottom of why this has happened. Sounds like something has been brewing for some time.. social media and Snapchat are a constant source of bullying. The school will minimise it sadly, it's likely been filmed and shared already and therefore a police matter. Take her out of school and deal with the police, make sure the school know you are not messing about. Be prepared for the other parents to be less than cooperative..

Aurasauras · 06/11/2023 13:54

Anything from internal exclusion to expulsion

Nanny0gg · 06/11/2023 13:57

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 12:31

DD is 15, shes had a few issues with people, got into a few arguments, nothing major and mainly over whatsapp etc, she does seem to get involved in the drama. But a lot of her friends are similar and there are often fallings out but then friends again the next week.

I just had a message from dd at school. she said two girls who she used to be friends with have waited outside her lesson for her and followed her. once she was on her own they put a coat over her head and started punching her in the head and pulling her hair and dragging her about.

she has told school and she said the girls are currently in isolation, I have called school who said they're investigating now and will call me back shortly.

I have never dealt with anything like this before. I just want to know what to expect and how seriously they should take it.

Police once you have the facts

Nanny0gg · 06/11/2023 13:57

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 13:47

thanks all. Is therer anything else you can think i need to ask school when they ring?

i am going to ask how they are going to make sure she is safe going forward.
and if they have reported it to the police. i will look at the behaviour policy now ( although a quick scan shows one of the things is getting the bully to apologise with appropriate sincerity 🙄
but it does say informing the police if necessary

Good luck

I hope they take it seriously

Not all school do

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 13:58

If she was hit in the head, what is the school's head injury policy? Should you get a written note for a hit to the head that could be taken to hospital if needed? Does she need to be watched by an adult for concussion? She may need to be off school for 24 hours for observation by an adult

This is assault and needs to be treated as such

SmallBlueDinosaur · 06/11/2023 14:03

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 13:58

If she was hit in the head, what is the school's head injury policy? Should you get a written note for a hit to the head that could be taken to hospital if needed? Does she need to be watched by an adult for concussion? She may need to be off school for 24 hours for observation by an adult

This is assault and needs to be treated as such

Edited

She brought home a head bump letter 🙄

Puffalicious · 06/11/2023 14:06

It is assault & is absolutely awful. You've had good advice. I hope she's okay- physical & mentally.

After it's all calmed down you need to take charge & guide her through how to step back from the drama. Being involved in the drama all the time is not good- although in no way acceptable, she's putting herself in the firing line/perhaps fuelling the fire. I work with teenagers, I see it constantly.

SmallBlueDinosaur · 06/11/2023 14:10

Puffalicious · 06/11/2023 14:06

It is assault & is absolutely awful. You've had good advice. I hope she's okay- physical & mentally.

After it's all calmed down you need to take charge & guide her through how to step back from the drama. Being involved in the drama all the time is not good- although in no way acceptable, she's putting herself in the firing line/perhaps fuelling the fire. I work with teenagers, I see it constantly.

I've been trying it's a hard balance. But yes something needs to change

Original poster
RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 14:11

Name change fail there. I am small blue dinosaur

OP posts:
Conkersinautumn · 06/11/2023 14:15

Why wouldn't you call the police? If you were attacked in this way, even at work uou wouldn't hesitate. I'm not sure why you think a 15 year old isn't capable of knowing attacking someone in a planned way isn't a criminal.act. The school have literally done everything they can/ will do. Students do not get expelled over this sort of thing.