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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not help Scouts…

393 replies

SecretsOfSunshine · 06/11/2023 10:54

Name changed as identifiable.

Ive caused a bit of fall out, and didn’t expect it. I’m a bit of an accidental scout leader, not the main Akela but there weekly. My children went through scouts, the youngest is aging out. I’ve always been happy enough to help, I like kids. It’s not however something I’m hugely attached to either. I stayed mainly as they were short of leaders, and I enjoy it enough when there.

A parent complained that at camp they are feeding and housing the adults, we don’t pay to attend camps and we do eat.

Group section leader agreed, apparently other local packs do charge leaders for food over the weekend.

I didn’t get funny or stroppy, but I did say I’m out for camps. I said I don’t mind giving up my time, but it was a line for me to give up my weekend and pay for the pleasure. If I ate at home (large family) my food costs no where near the cost as the difference between cooking 5/6 portions is absorbed in the weekly food bill the same. Plus the scouts tend to overbuy and spend a lot more than is really needed tbh.

Another leader has now contacted me to say how strongly they disagree with me, also that I’m jeopardising the camp as they are already short on leaders. GSL has implied if I’m not committed maybe I should leave. Parents are moaning apparently.

The more I think the more pissed off I am. Tbh I’m ready to leave anyone between the increase in behaviour issues and local politics in the district. Camps have a horrible side of severe sleep deprivation and I also sometimes lose work shifts going or family commitments.

Is it really normal to begrudge volunteers their food and board in exchange for a weekend away for £50 and amazing activities laid on? I know when I was a teacher we were also included in costs spread among the kids. With 30/40 kids it’s hardly the bulk of the bill either

OP posts:
exerciseviligance · 06/11/2023 15:25

Tell them when they start paying you an hourly rate for being there you'll start paying for food!

I can't believe the nerve they've got complaining about that when you give up so much time for free. People just don't think things through do they?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/11/2023 15:26

You are not being unreasonable!

The parents contribute (a little) money.
You contribute (a lot of) time and effort and experience.

My own children and those I fostered got a trememdous amount from Scouting and Guiding. I helped when I could but remained in awe of the time and energy freely offered by volunteer leaders. Thank-you for all you have already done for scouting.

Please do step down- at least for a while.
The privileged persons objecting to your 'free' food (the stuff that costs you a working shift) etc. need to do some stepping up.

They won't understand this until light falls on what you volunteers were doing and they can apprieciate what has been lost!

Hapagirl48 · 06/11/2023 15:28

Wow. My kid goes to Scouts and I am so appreciative of the leaders. I would NEVER begrudge them having their accommodation and food paid for. Geez, some people (but obviously a tiny minority judging from the replies).

PingoDome · 06/11/2023 15:31

Can you send a message to Grumbly Parent to say 'Seriously? I mean, I quite like your kid, but not enough to want to pay to look after them!'

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/11/2023 15:34

You are not being unreasonable!

The parents contribute (a little) money.
You contribute (a lot of) time and effort and experience.

My own children and those I fostered got a trememdous amount from Scouting and Guiding. I helped when I could but remained in awe of the time and energy freely offered by volunteer leaders.

Thank-you for all you have already done for scouting.

Please do step down- at least for a while.
The privileged persons objecting to your 'free' food (the stuff that costs you a working shift) etc. need to do some stepping up.

They won't understand this until light falls on what you volunteers were doing and they can apprieciate what has been lost!

ThinWomansBrain · 06/11/2023 15:43

let the actual parents take care of their children.
if you've not been booted off the whatsapp/facebook/whatever, when it gets to the weekend that would have been the camp, post lots of photos of you doing something really nice with your family.

Imisstuttifrutti · 06/11/2023 15:46

WOW. So you’re working for free all weekend, including much of the night, and they won’t pay for your food as part of the cost of the camp?! What nasty parents. Very disappointing that the other leaders gave into this instead of protecting volunteers, that is such weak ‘leadership.’

This type of thing is exactly why there’s a shortage of volunteers.

Absolutely quit if you want to, depends on exactly what’s been said but you owe nothing to people like that. So many parents seem to think Scouts is just another paid after school activity. Shame for the kids but perhaps its era is ending anyway.

:(

Dixiechickonhols · 06/11/2023 15:53

I am honestly gobsmacked a parent would begrudge you some cheap mass catered food.
Not all parents are like this. We had a leaders planning meeting at a local restaurant happy hour and at end our bill had been paid by a Brownies mum also in restaurant to say thank you. Was much appreciated.

DistrictAndCircle · 06/11/2023 16:00

OP is absolute NBU.

I’m a Brownie leader. Brownies gets my time, and that’s it. Any costs are refunded (taken off the subs for my DD). Trips are free for leaders. I can’t be arsed with camps because they’re horrific and if God had meant us to sleep in tents then he’d not have invented houses and bathrooms. But if I did go, of course it should be free for leaders. They shouldn’t have to pay money! They’re donating their time and effort!

Oblomov23 · 06/11/2023 16:06

Poor you. That parent needs a head wobble. I would just leave. You've done more than your share. Ungrateful lot!

Whatthechicken · 06/11/2023 16:10

Not read the full thread. My husband is a Beaver Leader and I absolute cannot understand parents complaining about the adult volunteers being fed and boarded. The parents of the Beavers my husband looks after are very grateful to all of the leaders and volunteers, because camp often means a weekend of cheap overnight childcare. You are not being unreasonable, I would be handing in my Woggle if I were you. Maybe those parents complaining should give up their weekends and pay for the pleasure of doing so.

MrsAvocet · 06/11/2023 16:11

This thread has reminded me of probably the most batshit thing anyone has said to me as a volunteer. A couple of parents complained that extra weekend events I organised for our club were always on days that I "picked to suit myself". Sometimes they clashed with their other commitments but how come they were never on days that my kids* *couldn't attend? Err, yes, I do pick days that I am available for. I'm the event organiser, how exactly would you suggest I run things if I'm not there? Unless someone else cares to step up of course? No? Well there's your answer.
People have some very strange ideas about the alleged perks of being a volunteer. Strangely these so called benefits are rarely enough to persuade the moaners to help out themselves though!

Tinkerbyebye · 06/11/2023 16:15

I agree with walk away

i would also point out that you don’t claim petrol allowance, assuming you take your car and actually you now want petrol covered as part of the deal

bet at 45p a mile it comes out more than food

nonumbersinthisname · 06/11/2023 16:27

I have overheard a conversation where someone was under the impression that a “volunteer” is someone who puts themselves forward for a (paid) job rather than going through a formal recruitment process. No I don’t understand the difference either, but they were astounded that the volunteers at that organisation all did it all for free, gratis, out of the goodness of their hearts, and got no salary from “Head office”. They were lots of rolled eyes going on behind that persons back…

Newestname002 · 06/11/2023 16:38

@SecretsOfSunshine

A parent complained that at camp they are feeding and housing the adults, we don’t pay to attend camps and we do eat.

Another leader has now contacted me to say how strongly they disagree with me, also that I’m jeopardising the camp as they are already short on leaders. GSL has implied if I’m not committed maybe I should leave. Parents are moaning apparently.

I'm sure the parent(s) who complained see now happy to step up now there's a vacancy. 🌹

Dixiechickonhols · 06/11/2023 16:47

I wonder if it’s time to be less ‘British’ and spell things out more as there definitely seems a lack of understanding about volunteers.
I did a Guide 2 night trip a few months ago. Didn’t pay for my food or accommodation (slept in sleeping bag on floor) leaders cost was factored in. It was smart price type packed lunch we all made ourselves, a McDonald’s and a cheap pizza mostly eaten standing up while supervising girls/sorting their food. Any extras like a coffee or ice cream for us we leaders paid for. But we didn’t spell this out as we didn’t think anyone would be so petty.
I hope none of our parents seeing me getting off coach late at night carrying a bag of sick (train delayed and then rail replacement) thought I’d been on a jolly. Keeping girls safe in a big city is a huge responsibility.
I needed 2 days annual leave too.

Original poster
SecretsOfSunshine · 06/11/2023 16:53

MrsAvocet · 06/11/2023 16:11

This thread has reminded me of probably the most batshit thing anyone has said to me as a volunteer. A couple of parents complained that extra weekend events I organised for our club were always on days that I "picked to suit myself". Sometimes they clashed with their other commitments but how come they were never on days that my kids* *couldn't attend? Err, yes, I do pick days that I am available for. I'm the event organiser, how exactly would you suggest I run things if I'm not there? Unless someone else cares to step up of course? No? Well there's your answer.
People have some very strange ideas about the alleged perks of being a volunteer. Strangely these so called benefits are rarely enough to persuade the moaners to help out themselves though!

That made me giggle. I’ve had the same

OP posts:
Original poster
SecretsOfSunshine · 06/11/2023 16:59

Bacarach · 06/11/2023 13:19

It worries me that you are acting as a scout leader or whatever you call them yet you are not DBS checked. That would be more worrying for me. especially if you are camping with these kids. I know its nor what you were asking and I know you've been pushed into helping but there's a reason DBS checks are carried out on individuals that help with child activities.

Eh?

OP posts:
Un7breakable · 06/11/2023 17:00

Camp can't run without leaders so leaders costs are part of running the camp.

Same with school trips (although companies tend to provide free teacher places).

Very few people are going to pay to spend time with other people's children, dealing with all the associated issues and getting very little sleep. If the parents are complaining surely they are happy to pay and help out 😂

Original poster
SecretsOfSunshine · 06/11/2023 17:01

RedToothBrush · 06/11/2023 13:27

DH is heavily involved in Scouts.

The ethos of our group is 'keep the leaders happy because without the leaders you can't run the group'.

The troop pay for and feed the leaders.

BUT my bug is that some of the leaders over buy food heavily for camp or buy expensive options. I do the shop for one camp and ALWAYS keep in mind I'm buying for the least well off - so buy the minimum possible for the least amount. We have a spreadsheet we use to buy exact amounts which works well.

I did it in June and kept food for the weekend for 40 to under £6.50 per head - that was Friday tea (hot dogs), Breakfast (sausages, eggs, beans, bread, cereal, milk, orange juice one day and then bacon instead of sausages the other), sandwiches for lunch for two days - (choice of cheese, ham or tuna mayo) with a biscuit, fruit (either apple or banana) and then spag bol for the other night (with veggie alternative) and a cheap cake (usually slice of swiss roll with custard). Then hot choc, squash and tea/coffee (usually have some in stores at least). I think £6.50 for five meals is decent really even though that is a fair amount of food so no one can argue that the kids aren't being well fed. I genuinely couldn't do it for less unless we cut the food amount. HOWEVER I know other leaders have spent far more on other camps.

I would put it straight that you won't be doing camps if you have to pay, you think that too much money is spent on food (perhaps offer to do a shop to demonstrate just how much they are over spending which would save the cost of at least one leader) but if they are insistent that you are 'not committed enough' then thats fine with you and they can stick it.

Its REALLY not the way to run a troop. You tell the parents to stick it (plenty more kids out there that want a place) and look after the leaders - mainly cos a lot of parents are quite frankly a bunch of wankers.

I think the real issue here is the cost of camps generally and the poor planning and budgeting going on.

You have my sympathy on this - this is a suicidal move for the troop.

I agree we spend too much on food, but I don’t have the energy to get involved- though I’ve voiced it.

For context though in 15 years we’ve only ever had one parent request financial support to attend. The free school meals are probably near zero in the pack, I can see it’s not a forefront issue

OP posts:
Original poster
SecretsOfSunshine · 06/11/2023 17:03

One thing I’ve reflected on a bit today also - I’m getting older. I am starting to struggle on camp, with lack of sleep or uncomfortable sleeping. I can’t manage it like I used to. I end up writing off days afterwards, not carrying on as usual. It’s maybe a natural stopping point even with all this aside

OP posts:
TimetoPour · 06/11/2023 17:16

I can’t believe I’ve actually read this.

As a parent of two scouters (beavers/cubs/scouts) , I will be eternally grateful to those of you that give up your time to enrich our children’s lives and knowledge. I would never begrudge paying for the leaders and when ours have been to camp, I generally bake cakes and biscuits to provide snacks for the entire group to help in a different way. I know the ideal “thanks” would be to volunteer- but I don’t really like kids 😂.

Dixiechickonhols · 06/11/2023 17:21

It does sound natural end point for you Op don’t feel bad at all think about all the hours you have contributed over the years and difference you have made.
Is it just one parent complaining re your free food and others now moaning as camp may be cancelled?
I wouldn’t be guilted into camp. Time for someone else (moaning parent) to volunteer.

rookiemere · 06/11/2023 17:29

I can't believe people begrudge you food at scout camps when you are volunteering. Not the point but it's hardly Michelin starred meals is it ? More likely lowest common denominator crowd pleasers such as spag bol or the like.

I used to be secretary on our Group Exec committee and they should know about this - unless that's the forum where this has already been aired. To lose a weekend volunteer for the cost of what could be £5-10 per day's worth of food is beyond ridiculous.

I'd back out and be sure to let people know why. It's so disappointing when volunteers are not respected ( mind you DH has been known to moan about teachers free holidays until I put him right on the matter ).

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 06/11/2023 17:30

I'm with you.
I've been a Cub/Explorer leader for 7 years. I will give them time, but refuse to do anything that will cost me money - although I have never been asked to pay for my own food at camp, I have turned down various non-compulsory training courses that would have cost me £29-£250+. If the GSL wants me to do it that much, the group can fundraise and pay.