Household Christmas only?

[Magixx]

Feel like I’m probably going to be told i am bu here but wanted to ask others viewpoints.
Bit of background, usually spend Christmas day/dinner at my own parents. My partner and MIL also come with. Partner is an only child, no wider family local and his mother was a single parent and now lives alone. Me and partner have 3 children together, all very young.
This year I said we won’t be travelling to my parents house as its a hassle with 2 toddlers & a baby and the kids just want to play with the new toys at home. I will be cooking Christmas dinner here instead. My parents wont see us on Christmas Day as they will be busy with my siblings/elderly relatives and my mum cooks for about 20 on the day.
Me and MIL don’t particularly get on but are civil, my partner doesn’t enjoy spending time with her either but the children love her.
WIBU to not have her for Christmas dinner/day? I kind of just want our own little family Christmas this year, but I’m aware this may mean she spends Christmas day alone. She does have a handful of close friends but I’m not sure if they would want her there for Christmas. My partner says he feels the same but we both feel obligated to invite her, given that she may be on her own at Christmas, obviously that isn’t our intention. Do I just suck it up, have her here for Christmas lunch? Or explain that its a household christmas this year and she’ll need to make different arrangements?

Explain to her that you’re having it at home and she’s still welcome to come for dinner.

If she comes around late morning/midday then you’d have still had the morning together as a family.

Only because she’s on her own, havedinner at 5/6 and invite her for that and a couple of hours before?

That said, have you asked her if she actually wants to come? I would be quite happy in her situation to have a quiet Christmas Day to myself at home and see you all on Boxing Day for a few hours.

Looks like OP has lit the touchpaper and legged it.

I also find the exp 'our little family' so bloody twee, smug snd annoying though..

I couldn't leave her on her own. If she's good enough to take to your parent's house and put up with her company, what's the difference?

Plus it's an awful example to set to your kids, and one they may remember when you're much older and on your own.

You really don't get the idea behind Christmas do you.

Yes, everyone is entitled to be selfish sometimes, but NOT at Christmas time. If everyone you know thinks it is okay to be selfish at that time of year then I fear for mankind. Thankfully, most people don't think like that. Maybe the UK is losing its humanity - I don't live there, and people here go to all sorts of lengths to be with their family at Christmas.

Oh stop with the dramatics, it’s absolutely fine to be selfish at whatever time of year you like. Families are all well and good if you actually like each other but sharing DNA does not in and of itself mean you’re obligated to put yourself out for people who, as per the OP, you don’t even like!

I wouldn't see any of my family alone at Christmas unless there was a major issue. I would feel too guilty.

Your DC sound extremely young so too young to formulate a proper opinion on her. If neither you nor DH like spending time with her, this kind of speaks volumes about her character to me…

I honestly couldn’t bear to spend Christmas Day with MIL and I know DH feels the same way so I feel your pain. It isn’t nice to think of her being alone but equally, you should spend Christmas however you want to and do what makes you happy.

Once again, you don't really understand Christmas, do you? Have you read all the replies to OP? It seems to me that the majority of people agree with me rather than you.

Sickening, isn't it? I wonder how many of the "our little family" brigade are on MN moaning about wider family not helping them with childcare, leaving them an inheritance etc.?

Op did come back to confirm that the mother will be invited for dinner.

I think this post by @JinglePringle was designed to get some anti-semetic responses. I really do not believe that two 80year olds who seem to actively engage with the world, eat out .. have no phones, no technology and rely totally on letters as a means of communication. The fact that OP is intending to write to them and await a written response about Christmas lunch is crazy.

YANBU household xmas is the best! I say either see them both (MILs) or see neither. Xmas to yourselves, and see wider family over the 'Xmas period.'

Absolutely. I hate this "our little family" claptrap, tbh. She's your husbands's mother and she'll spend Christmas Day alone.
Don't be surprised if you're in her shoes in 40 years time if this is the behaviour you're modelling to your children, op.

If you don't invite her you'll feel so guilty you won't enjoy the day anyway. Heads you lose, tails you lose.