To want my son to sod off

[Askingforafriend101]

I have 3 kids
17 12 and 6
My eldest is a nightmare!
He left school and didn't bother turning up for collage as its "waste of his time"
I have said about Jobs etc he says they won't pay him enough for his skill (which he has none)
I managed to get him somewhere to work with family and he doesn't bother going says it's boring and he not allowed to work on cars (well yeah he needs to learn first)
Now let's get to the bullying
It is constant.... his other brother will not leave his room and has had panic attacks over it! He intimidates him by going in his face threatening him etc
My house is trashed I'm talking doors been smashed off where he's broken them trying to get in everything I had is broke normally by being thrown at me.
He constantly says I'm a retard and pathetic I should just hurry up and die (I'm not well)
He keeps on saying to "get a job" even though no one would hire someone who has my condition.
I burst out crying and all he did was laugh and throw stuff at me.
I've asked his dad to have him and even drove him up there and soon as he fell asleep he stole money and went to train station and came home.
I've locked him out and he's smashed everything and got in.
We struggle with money and all he does is moan that I'm a brokey pathetic embarrassing etc bare in mind I havent been to hairdressers in 6 years had any new clothes havent spent a single penny on myself.
Tonight again it's reached boiling point... he is saying I need to go out to take little one to see fireworks but I have 0 petrol and 31p in bank... I've said this and he's saying to 6yr old oh what time is mum taking you out fireworks are amazing I said I can't and he said I can I'm just a lazy retard and telling 6yr old to get her shoes etc so I can take her to a display over an hr drive away... despite saying 100 times I can't!

No other family can help I have no friends and his dad is as useless as wet 2ply tissue

Social won't help except give counselling to the other 2 little ones via school

Police will not remove as he's legally a child as just under 18 and there's no concern for his welfare.

What a horrid situation. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

This is really awful. I think the onus should be on his dad to have him and for you to get a restraining order out on him for the protection of your other children and your home.

Bumping this in case any social workers are around.

Are any drugs involved?

I would push it as a risk to your other children's welfare, not his own.

As soon as he turns 18, change the locks. I'm serious. This is awful, and your younger two will be traumatised, and eventually copy the behaviour.

How long have you got until his birthday?

Tell him in no uncertain terms how horrible it is living with him and you believe he could be so much better.

And that things will change when he's 18 - what will be different then? He has less than a year left of this, what happens after that? The police would take him in?

My gosh that sounds awful. I would contact social services and the police and say you are afraid for your younger children’s welfare and also your own.

He sounds like a very disturbed young man, but not a lot you can do about that until he wants help.

I'd also be tempted to take him back to his dad's but this time ensure there's no money left anywhere and he knows coming back isn't an option.

Show him a documentary about prison/homelessness and tell him that's where he's heading if he carries on like this.

When is he 18? The day he turns 18, change the locks and call the police if he attempts entry at all. He will be able to present at the council as homeless and he’ll then have to sign on and be made to get a job to pay his own way or face homelessness.

Whatever has happened for him to have ended up this way, he will now have to face it on his own. Hopefully you raise the younger children to understand responsibility.

Is there anyone at all in your extended family/network that he looks up to?
A coach, mentor that could speak with him about his behaviour?
Are drugs involved?

Im sorry you are going through this. You need to protect yourself and your younger children. I would contact social services, tell them your children are at risk.

If you really can’t do it anymore you may have to tell social services in no uncertain terms that he is now homeless as he is a threat to the safety of your other children and he can no longer live with you. It sounds like a horrible situation for all involved.

I'd change the locks and leave him at the council offices. I'd also consider moving and not telling him the address, sounds like a pyhscopath.

He's aggressive and has trashed your house.
You actually could kick him out.
Next time he is out just don't let him back in.
Call the Police on him if you have to.
When the Police arrive show them your smashed up house and tell them you don't want him living there anymore as you are WORRIED about the safety of your other children and yourself.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this OP.

Is he on drugs?

Change the locks when he’s out, then message him and tell him you’ve left his stuff outside his dad’s house. Make it crystal clear he won’t be allowed back to live at yours. If he comes around causing trouble phone the police.
This is domestic abuse and you don’t have to tolerate it.

Keep calling the police when he throws things at you or causes damage to your home, ask them to remove him. He is over 16 so he can go into semi-independent, keep on at social services as your younger children are not safe while he is living with you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

If he starts getting aggressive or breaking things tell him to stop else you’ll call the police, if he carries on then call them.
Every single time.

Whenever he says about you having no job and no money, agree with him and tell him how it’s why you wanted him to go to college and get a decent job because else he’s going to end up struggling too.

Whenever he moans at you tell him that perhaps it’s time he moves out, because he’s obviously not happy at home.

How far does his dad live?
Its a shame because if he lived with him then things would be so much better for everyone.
He obviously doesn’t want to live with his dad and so I think this could be the carrot/stick.

If he wants to live at yours then he needs to follow your rules, else he can move to his dads or somewhere else.

I wonder if when the police are called they would take him to his dads.

Kick him out while he's still a child...social services will be forced to house him. When he goes out chuck his belongings out change locks then call ss and say he is homeless.

Very sweeping statement there.

so sorry. Please show your other children you are trying to protect them.

The OP has no money for new locks.

Sounds like a typical boy with an absent father

That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read in MN 🙄

Really hope you get some practical help OP.

Next time he’s smashing things up or threatening and throwing things, call the police and have him arrested. They will do this. Then when they come to bring him back or ask you to collect him you say no, you don’t want him back. I know several people who have done this with their out of control 17 year olds. It’s not nice but you can’t go on putting up with this shit. Best of luck OP.

Praying for you it’s not too long until he’s 18 😔 only thing can think of is going back to social care and discussing the impact on your other children

I’m sorry you are going through this. You probably wouldn’t need to change the locks just to prevent someone entering Leaving a key fully in the lock from the otherside stops the key working from the outside you can try it when he’s out to check.