To want my son to sod off

[Askingforafriend101]

I have 3 kids
17 12 and 6
My eldest is a nightmare!
He left school and didn't bother turning up for collage as its "waste of his time"
I have said about Jobs etc he says they won't pay him enough for his skill (which he has none)
I managed to get him somewhere to work with family and he doesn't bother going says it's boring and he not allowed to work on cars (well yeah he needs to learn first)
Now let's get to the bullying
It is constant.... his other brother will not leave his room and has had panic attacks over it! He intimidates him by going in his face threatening him etc
My house is trashed I'm talking doors been smashed off where he's broken them trying to get in everything I had is broke normally by being thrown at me.
He constantly says I'm a retard and pathetic I should just hurry up and die (I'm not well)
He keeps on saying to "get a job" even though no one would hire someone who has my condition.
I burst out crying and all he did was laugh and throw stuff at me.
I've asked his dad to have him and even drove him up there and soon as he fell asleep he stole money and went to train station and came home.
I've locked him out and he's smashed everything and got in.
We struggle with money and all he does is moan that I'm a brokey pathetic embarrassing etc bare in mind I havent been to hairdressers in 6 years had any new clothes havent spent a single penny on myself.
Tonight again it's reached boiling point... he is saying I need to go out to take little one to see fireworks but I have 0 petrol and 31p in bank... I've said this and he's saying to 6yr old oh what time is mum taking you out fireworks are amazing I said I can't and he said I can I'm just a lazy retard and telling 6yr old to get her shoes etc so I can take her to a display over an hr drive away... despite saying 100 times I can't!

No other family can help I have no friends and his dad is as useless as wet 2ply tissue

Social won't help except give counselling to the other 2 little ones via school

Police will not remove as he's legally a child as just under 18 and there's no concern for his welfare.

Rubbish.

Millions of kids from single parent homes grow up to be well adjusted, happy and successful individuals.

You haven't read all the replies, have you?

Want to explain all the violent male brutes whose fathers were present, then? Or the men who grew up without fathers but turned out as decent men?

You can have him accommodated under section 20 of the children’s act. Look it up and ring social services.

What is Section 20 Children Act guidance?
In brief, s. 20 is about a local authority (social services / childrens' services) providing accommodation for children who do not have somewhere suitable to live. It is sometimes called 'voluntary care' or 'voluntary accommodation' because usually parents must agree to the child being accommodated.

absent fathers ? here’s to single mothers who have brought up well mannered civilised children/teenagers/adults

This isn’t correct

added to which you are giving the other parents addresss, therefore not in any way “ child abandonment” as the lad has 2 parents not one

Yes. Do this.

you are not showing consequences to his actions. If he was doing this anywhere else this is what would happen.

I know it’s hard with an illness. I know it’s hard to report your child to the police but it will help.

they’ll be more aware at the very least. . Social care will have to step up when you refuse to have him home.

they’ll push him into whatever NEETS program there is locally. That means college and training or daily trips to the job centre for their training schemes.

eventually he will have it rammed into him that he has to learn in order to progress.

"Low class children" don't behave like this. Neither do kids with absent fathers. How backwards some views are!

Please tell me this is a joke?

First things first, your son is undoubtedly behaving appallingly.
One thing that stood out for me is that you budget your activities for the month but didn't think a firework display should have been a budgeted activity rather than a cinema trip or meal out? Is your son frustrated by your illness and seeing his siblings missing out and going about it in the (very) wrong way?
Why doesn't he want to live with his dad when he objectively has the better lifestyle? Does he feel responsible for his siblings in any way, does he pick up the slack if you are to ill to look after them?
Something has gone very wrong with him somewhere and you need to get to the bottom of it fast.

Don't worry, my 17 year old lower class boy is a delight. He could well teach some of the upper classes a thing or two about their behaviour.

Did I just read this? Is this a parody?

This is domestic abuse OP. Please ring us at Womens aid. People think only partners can abuse, but our adult kids can, family can.
If it gets bad again ring police but please ring us womens aid for support and advice xxx

What a shitty thing to say. Some of us are bringing up boys without dads as they have died. I can assure you not all children with no dads are messed up.

Fuck off

Plenty of boys do really well despite having no dad around, and plenty doing far better than they would with a violent abusive father under the same roof.

Sounds like OP's sons dad is utterly useless and would have no positive influence if they were still together.

This is very unlikely, local authorities struggle to care for children who are experiencing abuse. It is almost impossible to have a child voluntarily accommodated!
Social Care would offer support to the family initially and depending when he is 18, there’s little chance they would agree to accommodate him

His behaviour is untenable and dangerous, but he is still a child and whatever is going on in his head (and therefore his behaviour) couid be caused by his life experiences, or an underlying mental health issue (which often don’t come out until late adolescence). I’m not excusing him but you need to explore reasons for this as well as protecting yourself as he won’t suddenly become mr nice guy without intervention. I’d get as many agencies involved as possible - he is a risk to you and your other DCs so you need to call social services, GP (you could definitely go and talk about this without him
present), police if necessary.
when did this behaviour start, has he always been aggressive in nature, what was he like as a young child/at school?

Lots of misinformation on this thread.

Yes you CAN kick him out. Social services won't house him but housing will, if he meets the criteria. They will liaise with social services around who pays and under what legislation but there IS emergency housing for under 18s

No you won't be arrested and charged with child abandonment.

He needs to accept it's happening though and comply with the council otherwise you've just got an angry teenager trying to get into your house and refusing to go anywhere.

He sounds very mentally unwell. Unfortunately as he is 17 your option is CAMHS. Contact them/get your gp to refer him. They will put him on the waiting list probably and when is is 18 he will go over to adults services.
Additionally as op have said: police involvement every time he is agressive/violent. They have for report in to CAMHS too after a certain trigger point (or they should do-wether they do or not is a different matter). That should help bump his case a bit. You have two other vulnerable children and you are vulnerable yourself OP. I know it's hard when it's your own child but the situation is untenable .

Where is his dad in all of this?? He has two parents and it sounds like that is where he needs to be. Has he always been so useless?

She has already said his dad is useless and she's tried sending him there but he stole money and returned.

Surely he doesn't get to just abdicate responsibility like that though? Regardless of his relationship with the OP, what kind of a useless twat allows his children to be continually bullied and terrorised and does nothing? So sorry you're going through this OP

Certainly is.
My DC (adult now)...if had anything to do with absent father they would have a lot of emotional issues. Some fathers are shit.

Hahahahahah.
Seriously.
What a deeply generalised and stupid thing to say.