Relative burned through funds and now mooching

[coldcallerbaiter]

AIBU to get involved? I have not said too much to him yet

So my cousin lost his parents in his 20s and got easily a million pounds in those days. He is around 60 now. Never had a job, playboy lifestyle in the Far East, womanising, divorces, no kids. Now he is back in the UK and has nowhere to go. Will not admit he is skint but then hints to live with my elderly mum in her spare room. He is not entitled to benefits as he never lived here and did not pay in or get credits. I do not know if he will even get a state pension later on. I think he should get a job and pay his rent somewhere but I doubt he will as working is beneath him, especially as it would be unskilled stuff, he wants to mooch off her. He has expensive tastes too and is in and out at night probably to bars. My mum is now phoning me worried in case he will not leave, also her quiet life is being disturbed

They are actually close as she was like a mother to him before he left to go abroad and were in touch all the years with visits.

Hopefully at this stage his bags are packed and you're holding the door open for him OP.

I hope he didn't suddenly come down unwell in the new year or find an excuse not to leave.
Can you and your mum get the locks changed? It might be worth keeping an eye on her credit score and finances too just in case he's done anything fraudulent in her name to access funds.

I will bet he isn't even packed.

Your mother should never have accepted him into her home in the first place, he would have weaseled himself a free ride for years on her bank account, and tried to take the house and assets at the end by spurious means. You need to get him out today. No question.

Once out - block him on all platforms. He will be back soon enough, he knows a free ride when he sees one.

I do hope OP will update this thread - I have been wondering if this mooch will actually leave. Fingers crossed for OPs poor DM.

I'm hoping that the OP is making an impromptu visit to her mother and the moocher to help him leave as agreed on 2nd.

Please do come back @coldcallerbaiter with whatever update you can on this situation. If he doesn't leave, I'd give some serious consideration of reporting the relative to the police for elder abuse.

Checked my calendar and thought I'd pop in to see if there's any news? Good luck op.

Hope things are going as planned @coldcallerbaiter

Once 'mission accomplished' you and your mum will need to take a few days to recuperate!

He'll need to establish "habitual residence" in order to get benefits.

I've come across 3 "habitual residence" cases where the claimant was a UK citizen returning from abroad, and in each of those the client was able to claim means-tested benefits after three months of living here. There's no actual rules on it though, just a ton of case law.

Hope he’s gone!

Thanks for keeping us on your calendars!

Nope, he couldn’t go today. Various issues with the accommodation not ready/paperwork.

I might eat my words but I do think he is going fairly soon.

I think they are genuine issues actually with the billing and electrics at the new accommodation.

I have taken next week off work. I am going over there then, and will maybe do the exorcism if I have to.

I have health issues of my own and my family at home do too ongoing stuff, so I didn’t need the extra stress tbh.

He has laid it on with a trowel over Christmas. He is depressed and on meds now….popping pills, .DM is ‘concerned’ about him.

Sounds dreadful!! Just make sure he hasn't sneaked himself onto any of the bills or such.
Can you buy a key safe and if he comes, it's by appointment and he can have the key safe lock code then. Its such a shame but it's a worry he's either trying to saddle
Himself with your mum til she has to leave the house one way or another, then he'll stake a claim on his 'abode' so you can't sell etc ... apologies if you've already covered in this thread as not RTFT

Sounds like a job as an actor might be right up his street if supermarket or security guard isn’t his cup of tea

Moochers will always find "issues", but you seem very clear-minded and strong. I admire your taking a stand to protect your mum, and I wish you well.

There will always be something. I don't believe him.

You will need to hoof him out yourself, job or no job, tablets or no tablets, home or no home.

No surprise there were 'issues'.

He's emotionally blackmailing your mum. This leads to coercive control. I wouldn't leave it another day. Get him and his stuff out tomorrow, tell him to sort something for himself until his 'issues' are resolved. He's not your responsibility, he's not your mum's responsibility.

He's not exactly alone in having nothing at his age. Perhaps a little sad he didn't have the foresight to invest that money. But at least it probably went a long way when the Sun was still shining.

As most predicted, he's found an excuse not to go. Good luck with getting him to realise that he really must leave.

I'd be depressed if my cheeky fuckery had been rumbled as well!

I do hope you are ok next week op, Make sure he doesn't pull the wool over your mother's eyes.

OP have you taken your mother to her doctor, bank and solicitor so they can record her concerns that your cousin might try to manipulate her financially?

@coldcallerbaiter

Oh dear. I'd be tempted to tell him 'let me call them, I'll sort it for you' if he mentioned any 'problems' with accommodations or utilities. Because frankly, I think he's lying.

As far as your mum, I'd do my best to keep her time alone with him to a minimum. Take her shopping, to the movies, anything to keep from giving him time to work on his sympathies.

And if when you go next week he's still dragging his feet, put him in an AirBnB. And be sure you change your mum's locks.

Quelle surprise! I've no sympathy for you, OP, you've been so naïve, he's playing you like a fiddle and must be wetting himself laughing. If you didn't see this situation coming a mile off, you must be virtually the only one on here that didn't!

"Issues" with the paperwork for his new accommodation that have only just come to light? Yeah. right, you've obviously swallowed that one too. Have you asked him when he's due to get his BAFTA award for acting ability?

No she would never record anything like that. It’s me that thinks he is dodgy, she does not particularly think that now, she thinks he is going. She says she has overheard some accommodation phone calls. She has stopped complaining about him to me.

The one saving grace is dm said to me over Christmas that he will want a woman/partner, and if he lived with dm, she would have to woman/women over at her house all the time - let’s hope she keeps this in mind. Tbh he has charmed her a bit otherwise and played on her sympath with the MH.

As we all expected…