Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand Christmas burnout?

256 replies

EmptyYoghurtPot · 04/11/2023 14:05

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

OP posts:
Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 04/11/2023 20:19

Well I fucking hate Christmas. I work 60 hr weeks in clinical shift working NHS role, single parent to 4 kids (marriage broke down due to husbands addiction and alcoholism) and I’m already overwhelmed and at the limit of what any human can reasonably be expected to juggle alone. So yeah. Add in the expense and hassle of Christmas to an already overflowing bucket of shit to do and I wish the whole season would just fuck off. But good for you if you’ve got the support, money and mental head space to enjoy it.

RampantIvy · 04/11/2023 20:21

JuliaJohnstone · 04/11/2023 20:00

Yes but, what I do not understand is why you bother with all that if you don't like it? You could just cut some of it out entirely.

This ^^

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 04/11/2023 20:21

Don’t even get me started about the fucking elf on the shelf. I refused to do it so my kids bought themselves one and then got sad that it wasn’t moving. So now I have to do that ridiculousness too

TedMullins · 04/11/2023 20:22

Wwwnothingdotcom · 04/11/2023 14:19

Lots of the stress is self inflicted and I really don't have much patience for these tbh.
Some things are pressure from family like simply must do cards to everyone and anyone, max pressie demanda etc, it's hard to say no, but uprise people, uprise! Don't do what you don't want to do.
Christmas are much more enjoyable then.
And with excel sheets prepped in July😂

Totally agree, it’s largely self inflicted. If you wrap yourself up in knots over societal expectations rather than being honest about what you will or won’t do then complain about how stressful it is you’ve only got yourself to blame. I’m the opposite to you OP I don’t care about Christmas so guess what, I just don’t partake in it! Liberate yourselves from the unnecessary shackles of convention.

Skethylita · 04/11/2023 20:34

My kids tell me they much prefer Christmas at mine, compared to their dad's.

Their dad's family always makes a massive deal out of Christmas. Seeing Santa, some sort of snow event, panto, huge Christmas dinner with all the family, the obligatory Christmas walk come rain or mud. Large piles of stuff, often just tat.

Christmases at mine are simple. We buy a tree and decorate it, presents are limited to 4 each (and yes, I follow the silly rule), we play board games, have hot chocolate, a duck roast, watch a film. It's all very relaxed.

Bonus: I am not stressed in the slightest, because I don't subscribe to all the faff around Christmas.

MassageForLife · 04/11/2023 20:39

"shopping is fun" 😂😂😂

We have very different ideas of enjoyable activities.... thankfully I did the very sensible thing of having the 'let's make Christmas just a fun time to be together rather than a time to spend loads of money on stuff that none of us needs" conversation a few years ago.

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:51

It's not just the day is it?

It's nativity costumes and carol concerts, Christmas Fayres and constant calendar clashes.

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

BIossomtoes · 04/11/2023 21:30

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

No. We stay at home and anyone who wants to come is welcome. We’re not bothered if they come or not.

Skethylita · 04/11/2023 21:38

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

Nope. Curtesy of an ex husband who painted me as the baddie when I initiated divorce on his side (leaving out the abuse that happened before I snapped), and a family abroad who have never given a shit about me. It's bliss, really.

TedMullins · 04/11/2023 21:45

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

No. Tiny family but I just do whatever I want at Christmas.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/11/2023 21:56

RamblingRosiePosy · 04/11/2023 17:24

On MN its the annual done thing of over complicating every last detail.
Nobody could make Xmas harder work than this lot on here.
It's a never ending competition of self induced misery and martyrdom.
I never give it a second thought until week before, my Xmas is calm and peaceful because l make it so.

Over the years, I have simplified our Christmas plans - not that they were ever particularly elaborate - I’ve never done an Instagrammable Christmas, or hosted dozens of people, or driven the boys hither and yon on Christmas Day.

This year will be even more simple, but even so, I am finding myself dreading it all - thinking of presents for everyone - dh doesn’t know what he wants - hell, I don’t even know what I want - and both of us have December birthdays so that is two lots of total lack of inspiration, not just one each. Two of our three dses won’t be here - one is going to work abroad, so that is depressing me, even though I am excited for him.

I know I’m more depressed than normal right now, and that is just made worse by long covid and the exhaustion that brings, and the guilt I feel that dh is having to do so much round the house, because I am so incapable right now. I could cook a meal, but it would leave me shaking with exhaustion.

Basically life feels rather shit at the moment, and I just cannot cope with the thought of Christmas.

Tl:dr - even simplifying things doesn’t help much when you feel overwhelmed by everything.

DappledThings · 04/11/2023 22:05

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

No. We just take turns hosting. Nobody is difficult about it.

JustKeepSlimming · 04/11/2023 22:50

I kind of understand the burnout (and I think financial pressure is a whole added layer of extreme stress), but I think a lot of people in my circle of friends bring it on themselves. They want a perfect Christmas so they can show off about it.

We cut back to the bits we actually enjoy; we make sure anyone (friends or family) who's on their own is included, but we refuse to do big family gatherings that just cause hassle (DH's family is a bit of a nightmare - there are loads of them, and they all have high expectations. We used to be expected to host them all for one of the days around Christmas, but we just ended up saying no, because it was too much hassle). We'll have my siblings round because they're quite easy, and we all take it in turns to host, so it only comes round every few years (DH's family go to each others houses every week in the run up to Christmas, so one weekend to sibling 1, next weekend to sibling 2 etc - bloody nightmare).

I find present buying very stressful, so I just don't do it - I've agreed not to bother exchanging presents with my parents, siblings and friends. Makes life so much easier all round. If I want presents, I'll buy them myself.

Dinner is no more hassle than an average Sunday roast. I don't offer a ton of trimmings or options (beyond catering for dietary needs).

Decorating isn't too stressful - we get the kids to do most of it, and anything that doesn't get done doesn't get done.

RampantIvy · 04/11/2023 23:21

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

No.
Small very scattered family. We all stay in our own respective homes and have quiet Christmases. No-one is difficult about it.

It's nativity costumes and carol concerts, Christmas Fayres and constant calendar clashes.

Not here. Not any more. Unless you have a large family this all finishes when they are at secondary school or older.

RagzRebooted · 04/11/2023 23:53

I'm not massively into Christmas and I don't go mad with it. But I am very organised, as I feel I have to be doing all the work around it for the family, making the 'magic' happen for 3 children (easier now they're teens).
I should have forced DH to be more involved from the start, rather than taking it all on, but we had children young and I didn't know any better then. Being a SAHM for the first 5 years, I just took it all on as 'wife work'.

Every year, without fail, I get at least one of what I call my Christmas Anxiety Dreams. I never get anxiety dreams about anything else.
In these dreams it will be Christmas day and either I've forgotten half the food, or forgotten to fill the stockings or buy half the presents. It's crazy.

I suppose it does take up quite a lot of my time and energy in the month or two running up to it, with planning and organising (I'm a list person) so I can see why it's a big deal. But it's annoying because the whole thing is just one day and should not be causing anxiety!

Wwwnothingdotcom · 05/11/2023 05:58

verdantverdure · 04/11/2023 20:54

Do other people not have the stress of those family members want us to come to them, those family members want to come to us, but those family members want them to go to them, those family members will be on their own if they don't come to us. The kids want to stay at home, whatever you do you fail most of them.

Ours include international movements every 2 years especially since mum is widowed so she is not by herself but kids switch years. That means who is where is sorted in June when tickets are bought. There is an agreement and always have been even when I was child about who, where and when.
My family still runs this system unless they come to me abroad.
1 day chill at home
1 day visit one side, or they come
1 day visit other side, or they come
All pre agreed WELL in advance based on who has shit going on so they don't have to host.

No stress

burntoutnurse · 05/11/2023 06:02

I'm already burnt out, life is relentless, add in the million Christmas jobs to do as well.

Thankfully DP is home for Christmas this year,

But I will work Christmas Eve night, a 13 hour a shift, so will need to prep all day Christmas Eve. Wrap presents (though hoping to do this well before) then sleep until 2 Christmas Day and then do a huge family Christmas dinner.

But wine will get me through, then I'll sleep Boxing Day

sollenwir · 05/11/2023 06:26

So in short, you cannot possibly understand people not liking something just because you like it/don't find it stressful? OK then.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/11/2023 06:37

I don’t understand people who use the phrase ‘I don’t understand XYZ’ when they mean ‘I personally don’t experience XYZ in my circumstances’.

It’s as absurd as saying to someone who’s stressed in their job ‘I don’t understand work stress. I like work. Just go to work and do work, it’s fun!’

If you’re only able to ‘understand’ things you have personal experience of, your world must be pretty small.

Wwwnothingdotcom · 05/11/2023 07:14

I think many people doing everything and anything for the "magic" should think back to their childhoods.
What do you remember? Do you remember glitter, overabundance of food and stressed parents or do you remember peace and chill watching movies and having nice meal.

Anycrispsleft · 05/11/2023 07:36

Wwwnothingdotcom · 05/11/2023 07:14

I think many people doing everything and anything for the "magic" should think back to their childhoods.
What do you remember? Do you remember glitter, overabundance of food and stressed parents or do you remember peace and chill watching movies and having nice meal.

I would imagine I'm not the only person who goes over the top with Christmas who would reply to your question by saying I remember my childhood Christmases as being pretty miserable. My parents both had awful childhoods and they really had no idea how to celebrate Christmas so it was low key in our house to say the least but it didn't seem to help because there would always be a rammy by about 4pm.
I think there's probably quite a lot of people in similar situations to me who just tinsel the fuck out of Christmas to try and reset the day and the expectations around it etc.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/11/2023 07:57

This year will be even more simple, but even so, I am finding myself dreading it all - thinking of presents for everyone - dh doesn’t know what he wants - hell, I don’t even know what I want - and both of us have December birthdays so that is two lots of total lack of inspiration, not just one each

So why buy anything at all? Why tie yourself in a knot thinking of 4 things that you clearly don't want or need, that you then need to buy, wrap, unwrap and use, store or look at. What a waste of time, resources and mental energy.

I like the M&S Christmas advert and think it's refreshing. Do what you want, not a load of shit that benefits others but stresses you out.

It would have been a good follow-up to the miserable woman in the Morrisons advert a few years ago. Now their follow-up advert should have shown her on a sun lounger abroad, sipping cocktails while her family sat expectantly round an empty table in an undecorated house with no presents. Make it clear that it needs thought and effort to make it happen not a lot of effort by the woman in the house dressed up as 'magic'.

phoenixrosehere · 05/11/2023 07:58

Wwwnothingdotcom · 05/11/2023 07:14

I think many people doing everything and anything for the "magic" should think back to their childhoods.
What do you remember? Do you remember glitter, overabundance of food and stressed parents or do you remember peace and chill watching movies and having nice meal.

What do you remember? Do you remember glitter, overabundance of food and stressed parents or do you remember peace and chill watching movies and having nice meal.

Definitely the former where I was looking forward to when my mum would go to work and/or dad would take us to his parents home and spend time with his side. Mum was already a moody sort and Christmas only made it worse. She has mellowed out over the decades but she expected me to do the same as she did for Christmas for my children and I told her I wasn’t, didn’t want to, don’t have to and our children are happy with what they do have and we will change things up if and when they desire to. She reminds me of what she did for us and I pointed out that she also complained every time before, during and after Christmas about something. I didn’t say Christmas was better when she wasn’t around, that I dreaded coming home for Christmas for years and made sure to keep the visits short with the excuse of work until I met my husband and spent the time with his family instead.

CeriB82 · 05/11/2023 07:58

I dont find it stressful. Never has been. Because i dont make it stressful. I put my tree up in 2 weeks (love it!) and i made the decision only to buy gifts for my own kids. Its just us at Christmas.

christmas lunch is a glorified sunday lunch, which i make most weekends. Only extras are crackers and wine on the table . Those complaining its stressful are those who cannot be bothered to cook it anyway and are out if practice.

ive been at the point when DH had to drive every Christmas morning to get family members, when i was at home with 3 young ones cooking lunch, entertaining and pretending i wanted the guests there. it wasn’t stressful but I resented it.

now they’re all dead we have OUR day, the way we want it.

if someone (like my dad) wants to come see us in Christmas day, he can drive himself, which he did for years after mum died. Now he’s remarried and does his own thing.

my friend finds it stressful as she bakes gifts for neighbours, makes loads of jars of pickled onions, buys for everyone and complains about the stress. Shes the only one to blame.