To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

I like Christmas.

However, by the time I’ve survived Christmas at school (teacher), all I want to do is have a chilled out day with DH and DDs. A couple of hours at the in laws for actual lunch, and a video call with my DM perhaps.

Which would be lovely, except you instead have to drag them around various family members’ houses when all they want to do is play with their toys, then make the oldest write a million thank you cards to all the distant aunts who insist on buying them gifts despite never having met them and us saying EVERY year please don’t buy them any more tat (in nicer words).

All of DH’s SEVEN aunts have smartphones, but apparently a video of DDs saying thank you for their presents is not good enough; we must instead sit a 4 year old down and make her write fourteen thank you cards on behalf of her and her 2 year old sister.

My siblings and I have made a pact to only buy token socks/chocs for our neices/nephews, and to never ever expect them to write a handwritten, snail mail posted thank you card when a WhatsApp will do the trick nicely.

Can you tell this is a real bugbear of mine?

I scrolled back as I can only see comments and saw no thanks all.

I think that women should be allowed to decide for themselves what they enjoy, or what they dislike. Women are sentient beings who make their own choices, have their own feelings and should not be labelled hateful terms like handmaiden for taking pleasure in preparing for Christmas.

I absolutely understand that it is stressful for some and am happy to acknowledge their feelings. I have plenty of empathy for people who are overloaded. Why can you not acknowledge that people can enjoy things without being horrible to them?

I don't find it stressful but I don't think I'm better than people who do.

I just am lucky that I get to do it my way - partly because I don't buy into the hype but also because I make it just me and my girls and I do it the easy way.

Dinner is ready made - roast spuds, frozen sprouts and carrot and swede mash, read to cook spuds, chicken breast, beef - all I have to do is pop it in the oven, add hot water to gravy and heat up bread sauce. Pudding they get individual puds they like - cheese cake slices for 2 and tiramisu for one and a microwavable Christmas pud for one (me!) They wash up

We have a spend limit for gifts and they send me ideas so everyone gets things they want - I wrap everything with a glass of wine and a box set over the weeks before

I do a party for friends the week before - snacks and stuff and plenty of drink!

I refuse to spend hours perfecting the best turkey, hand making gravy, mashing veg, making 'memories' and instagraming my house!

But I'm not catering for 12 people - who are fussy, I don't have to deal with snotty, judgy inlaws, have smaller kids who want everything, I have no lazy manchild to deal with and my kids are older and understand they can't have everything they want.

I can't wait. We'll be in my new 4 bed house with my 2 kids (that's not a stealth brag, I'm so fecking proud I've bought it for myself after splitting with XP and I now have room to host) and the oldest just turned three so it's the first year he gets the excitement. His sister is under a year so it's my first Christmas with both - and I'm on maternity leave so have time to plan everything! I'm going to go nuts decorating and hold a Christmas / housewarming party for friends in mid December, then host Christmas Day for me, kids, XP, my dad and a few friends, then again with extended family during gooch week. Maybe it's the novelty or because I adore hosting things but I'm so excited. First truly happy and hopeful Christmas 🤞 for years.

Thank you very much.
I'd love to love Christmas! Some years I've tried so hard, pulled out all the stops, done glitter footprints and a santa hidden camera, made home mad wrapping paper, made decorations, everything!

Then had a huge crash in January and been a sorry state.

My husband is very easy going about it all and so the pressure is off somewhat. He surprises me sometimes with a gift with absolutely no expectations of getting anything. I says he genuinely enjoys seeing my face. (I usually burst into tears).
Yes I am a mess and I've done therapy around my trauma of Christmas and she agreed to stop doing Christmas at all.

Yule is a compromise for us.

I love Christmas, but I can also understand why people find it stressful. I don't find it stressful, but that's mainly because: I'm 52 and have never cooked Christmas dinner myself. My family use wish lists and are easy to buy presents for. My dc are easy teenagers and all our extended family get on well.

The way I see it is it's my Christmas too so I'm not going to martyr myself for everyone else. Presents are bought online and groceries are delivered. Cooking Christmas dinner takes no longer than doing a Sunday roast. No one complains.

I love Christmas and enjoy buying and wrapping. I don't have relatives round on Christmas day though and OH makes the Christmas dinner and does the dishes so I think it's all fantastic.

You’ll find a lot of Christmas Martyrs on MN.

Not being able to understand other people is a you problem, OP.

The truth is, people are different and find different things stressful.

You just have to listen to understand why THEY find it stressful.

I do virtually all the Christmas stuff, and enjoy it, but then unlike so many people (apparently) I don’t feel ‘pressured’ into keeping up with the Christmas Joneses and have everything like one of those pics out of the December Homes and Gardens (where they took the pics in June).

I don’t feel pressured into going mad with presents, or decor (except for maybe one new one, same old tree decs come out each year, quite a few going back decades) or with Christmas dinner - no umpteen different veg and sides, not to mention turkey and e.g. beef or lamb - no wonder people find it all stressful.

I used to find it really stressful when I was married, but that was due to having poor boundaries with ILS.

Now it’s just me, adult DC who may or may not visit, siblings and friends. Lots of fun and zero stress because I don’t do anything I don’t want to.

I agree OP. I don’t find it stressful at all, other than needing the money for it. I try to put money aside all year round and start buying things from about September time. I don’t buy for friends, and just buy for immediate relatives, DP, and 1 child. I don’t go crazy, they get what I can afford.

I don’t have fancy decorations, and we have an artificial prelit tree which takes about an hour to get out of the box and another hour to put all the baubles on it. A few Christmassy ornaments here and there. A string of lights outside.

Christmas dinner is just a more special version of a usual Sunday roast here. I buy lots of treats that I wouldn’t usually buy, and get a couple of dessert options.

I try and keep it as simple and stress free as possible.

It doesn’t sound like you spend hours preparing about 19 different meals and making everything about it unique and special. That’s absolutely fine. Everyone does it differently.

And shopping is fun

No, it's not.

I am lucky that our friend enjoys cooking Christmas Lunch .However For years I found it stressful .Enjoyed it ,but all the shopping ,decorating and so on down to me ,and on top of normal work stresses . Usually the only people who dont find it stressful are those that havent had to do it! One tip I normally do wrapping as I go ,saves time

@roarrfeckingroar sounds lovely, enjoy!

This. A Sunday dinner would stress me out at the moment. I need rest on a Sunday. I don't even like them anyway.

I mean... it takes a spectacular lack of imagination not to get why the one big festival of the year, often loaded with a great weight of expectation, might be stressful for some people. And not to understand that people's attitude to these things will be dependent on their temperament, upbringing and personal circumstances (even if you discount finances).

I specifically find having to host a Christmas dinner nightmarishly stressful. Fortunately, I don't usually have to. I have eye-hand co-ordination disabilities and find it incredibly difficult to have to co-ordinate cooking different dishes so that everything is ready at the same time. It is often even more stressful to have to co-ordinate kitchen activities with other people milling around than to do them myself. And Christmas is a 'perfectionist' time, so that, under such circumstances, my fear that my disabilities will be interpreted as 'just not bothering' and 'lacking basic common sense' goes through the roof. I would literally rather take a high-stakes exam!

By contrast, I don't have a problem co-ordinating several different administrative tasks, including Christmas-related ones; and actually find it exhilarating to have several projects on the go at work- so, as pp have said, we are all different.

I have luckily managed in general to avoid pressures to spend zillions and go into debt for Christmas; but many people do experience such pressures, and that will be hugely stressful.

I do love it but it is exhausting.

My family buy A LOT of presents, even the adults still have sacks and now my Nan is older I buy and wrap all of that, on her behalf, on top of our shopping, which is also immense. Add to that hosting family for 4 days, the cleaning, the cooking, the expectations, the HUGE food & drinks shop, the last minute chasing of essential items that were substituted on the delivery, the baking, the multiple options for the picky folk, the feckin unnecessary school bullshit etc and it is, well, rather a lot, actually!

I wouldn't change it but I also wouldn't judge anyone else for admitting to finding it hard work, because it is!

I quite like the message of the M&S advert, although my interpretation of it is somewhat different to others, and I will be, with the permission of messrs Marks and Spencer, swerving card writing this year for all but family and anyone who doesn't like it can refer to the 20 quid I'll be donating to the Trussell Trust in lieu of Christmas cards to help them feel shit about judging me for it.

I'm going to thoroughly enjoy that one less job.

Wrapping is only a faff if you over-do it and buy a ridiculous amount of presents. A couple per child and maybe one for other close family members isn't difficult. My friend complains about wrapping every year, but buys each of her three children 5+ gifts each, 3+ for her husband, and multiple for each relative. It's insane and I can see why she's overwhelmed, but it's entirely self-inflicted.

Same with decorations. If you put up a tree and some stockings, it's an hour or two total, but some people put lights outside, change all the bedding, and tinsel up an entire house. Scaling back would easily solve this problem.

Christmas dinner is a lot of work with all the trimmings (especially for a large group), and I won't argue that. But things can be prepared and frozen in advance ready to be heated on the day.

Family can be stressful. There's no way around that unless you cut them out. This is where my empathy lies.

On MN its the annual done thing of over complicating every last detail.
Nobody could make Xmas harder work than this lot on here.
It's a never ending competition of self induced misery and martyrdom.
I never give it a second thought until week before, my Xmas is calm and peaceful because l make it so.

I just don't do anything at Christmas that I don't want to. This stops the burnout.

I was going to write a long post but you’ve nailed it.

Christmas can be whatever you want it to be - if you want it to be chill, simple and focused on the right things, you can have that.

If you want it to be a huge, stressful, expensive time, you can have that too! All depends what you prioritise.