To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

A caveat to my last post - if you associate Christmas with trauma then Christmas will possibly never be a fun time and it is pretty much inescapable; you have my sympathies.

Social media especially Instagram doesn't help with the pressure. Thankfully I switch off from social media and don't follow what everyone else is doing - I realised a long time ago that when I keep things simple my Christmas is a more enjoyable experience. Everyone online seems in a rush to put up their Christmas trees as soon as it hits November and take it down on the 26th December.

As a rule I put nothing Christmas related on social media - except one photo of my kids looking cute on my very restricted Facebook spo family can see

I don’t get it either.

But I wonder if lots of people set themselves up for stress by starting loads of unnecessary Christmas ‘traditions’ when they first get married or first have children that they then have to carry on in perpetuity.

The Golden Rule of Christmas is never to do everything exactly the same way twice!!

Causes huge amount of stress. My mum pushing it at us and everything having to be perfect and so much fakery, everyone should be having fun. I just can't enjoy it as an adult and now go away every year.

It's not just that though is it,

It's the bastard elf on the shelf every day
School plays
School parties
Arranging to see family and friends
Arranging multiple nibbles, drinks snacks if said family and friends come over
Work parties
Arranging to see santa
Pressure to do more and more like hit choc stations, xmas Eve boxes etc etc
Sorting advent calendars
Our family all live away and want us to have our gifts sent here and we wrap them ourselves
Getting kids to do lists
Sorting grandparents who subsequently complain because they left it too late to follow said list and the thin* they chose is now oos
Sorting grandparents who are useless with the internet so need help
Pressure to have a picture perfect house
Everyone arguing when it's time to put the decs up and the mess it makes

Sure there is plenty more!

I do gIt the bastard Christmas shop in the hoards (hell) or the alternative of queueing online from 5am to get an online delivery slot.

I think it depends how much hosting. I used to rock up at my parents with a big of presents.

now I host them at my house for a week, I do family meals on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and Boxing Day. Different people have different dietary requirements, meals need to be timed around other people’s other commitments.

the month of December involves a lot of parties and family gatherings and trying to sort out presents for everyone.

I enjoy it a little less every year to be honest.

But those are all choices you make.

All of DH’s SEVEN aunts have smartphones, but apparently a video of DDs saying thank you for their presents is not good enough; we must instead sit a 4 year old down and make her write fourteen thank you cards on behalf of her and her 2 year old sister.

Get them printed for the following years with just names and signatures filled up 😁 They can't argue. It's a thank you card!
I am not british so I don't get obsession with cards for everything. I was 😱 at card shops here when I forst came.

Firstly, fitting in buying and delivering presents while trying to keep up with daily work and home chores. Secondly, the mental load of knowing what to buy people, within budget but also is a good present. The dinner not so bad but also making sure you have everything for the dinner organised. This is all on top of getting through an average day in the depths of winter. And it is all about consumerism these days too.

Not quite sure either and I only started doing Xmas the last 4-5 years as didn’t really care about any of it pre- kid. Gifts are already bought (I buy throughout the year when I see something a person would like); decoration started this weekend as kiddo is too excited and is participating and helping. Normally we take it easy and takes 2-3 weekends of sporadic decorating. Re cooking- we do it as simple or as complicated as we feel like closer to time; sometimes parts or all of it is pre- ordered.growing up I was watching my mom and grandma trying to get it all done the day before and day of and just sitting exhausted and moody for what is supposed to be a nice occasion; I swore I’d never do that to myself.

So you think I should tell my kids I cba to sort a costume for their nativity? And I cba to take them to see Santa? Tell elderly relatives I won't help them when they get stuck? Tell family no I won't see them when they've traveled between 3-6 hrs to see us?

Some I can choose not to do, I don't do hot choc stations or xmas Eve boxes, learnt my lesson with the bloody elf lol but some things it would just be shitty to say no too and would make Christmas even more miserable and fracture otherwise good relationships.

That was here for @Hereforthebunfights

It's not as simple as saying just don't do it.

Social media especially Instagram doesn't help with the pressure.

Pressure that people choose to put on themselves. No one forces anyone to do what they see on social media yet people choose to do it anyway. Imo, it’s people believing others actually care or want to be perceived as “normal” when many don’t nor even give much thought to how someone else is celebrating Christmas. I bet most people just look for a few seconds, like a post and keep scrolling. Before social media, people were doing these same things and having the same pressures without the internet’s involvement.

Do you have a full time and high stress job, and young children op? That's why I don't have time and energy for Christmas planning.

1. Work stress and tension about the rota & clients hitting crisis (Social worker).
2. money money money.
3. planning. I don’t get all my admin and cleaning done anyway, I’m always behind, now have a huge heap more extra tasks to do.
4. anxiety - esp re gifts
5. difficult family relationships to manage.
6. too much socialising and fear of letting people down
7. kids with additional needs struggling with all the changes, loss of usual routine and all the above
8. its so dark.
9. Yup.

I think too many people put too much pressure on themselves to provide a perfect Christmas.

I think it is OK to cheat and buy ready made accompaniments and other foods. It is also OK to tell extended family that you are having a quiet Christmas with just the immediate family.

I’m with you.

It’s a glorified Sunday roast. DH is in charge of the cooking and I seems to enjoy it.
I am in charge of presents. I quite enjoy it but it does take some time.. however, that’s because I try to but second hand if I can. It could be done the week before on Amazon if I needed to.

Leading up to Christmas I do the standard - instead of normal bedtime stories we read Christmas stories, watch Christmas films together and snuggle up with blankets, etc etc. It’s nice and no stress.

It's not exactly rocket science is it? Some people are short on time,money or both. That will make it stressful. Add in children (and their events and shit around that time), work stress(some sectors are incredibly busy at Christmas), other commitments etc. Plenty to be stressed about and feel like everything about it is yet another chore.

I agree.

Plus people start things like Elf on the Shelf and it is fun the first year, but then they find they are committed for the next 15 years.

I love Christmas but it is always so busy. I'm a teacher and find the half term leading up to it exhausting with parents evenings, mock marking. Then add my own children's Christmas plays, Carol services etc, family wanting to get together, Christmas shopping and Christmas decorating. One or both my kids will undoubtedly come down with some sort of horrendous cough or cold involving temperatures and then I will get it too because I'm end of term burnt out. The fairly lights and mince pies get me through it but the older I get the more exhausting it all is and I don't even normally host Christmas lunch.

This sounds awful. But where is the pressure to have the picture perfect house coming from? My house looks the same as it does January - November except that we will have a Christmas tree and will string cards up, some paper chains etc.

I don’t know anyone that does Elf on the Shelf thank God, (kids are y3 and y1 and never heard of it). Xmas Eve boxes and hot chocolate stations are just niche instamum things aren’t they? - and in that case the more effort they put in the more engagement and therefore cash they get so it makes sense... But in the real world, when have you ever seen a hot chocolate station? I haven’t ever seen one. I obviously make myself / DH / DC hot chocolate when they want it, but it’s not much more of an effort than making a cup of tea.

We visit Father Christmas and chose when we started to do the same one every year, so for the kids it becomes basically the same memory and they look forward to it in advance, but for us it’s less hassle too. I’m on the mailing list, I book when tickets are released and then basically just turn up and have a nice time.

This

On top of everything you usually have to do and pay for you have all this extra stuff to do and pay for.

It's a spectacular failure of empathy to be unable to recognise that other people don't think and feel like you.