To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

Plus people start things like Elf on the Shelf and it is fun the first year, but then they find they are committed for the next 15 years.

I told DD if she wants the Elf this year , she can do it for ME. So we're not doing it this year.

I find the Christmas period very stressful. December and January are completely manic at work despite us shutting down for a week and a half over the festive period.

Can't enjoy the run up to it as just too busy. Hate shopping at the best of times, never mind at Christmas.

Do love making Christmas lunch though.

Everyone is different

Surely one of the points of feminism was that women can and should refuse to do wifework. Sticking to feminist principles hardly makes one a handmaiden

I don’t understand all the fuss either and I’m a woman.

I'm not telling you you should or shouldn't do anything. I'm just pointing out that all the things you listed were choices and if they lead to burnout you should make different ones.

I hate it. I don't get on with my family and my relationship is in a bad place so every year is a reminder of how disappointing I am as a person to the people around me. I have to travel to my parents because they won't come to me. I don't like presents, receiving them or shopping for them. I'm also in charge of organising everything but always always come up short. DH always complains about whatever I do. DC never enjoy things as much as I imagined. It's tough.

Oh my god I have never heard of a hot chocolate station or a Christmas eve box ... What fresh hell is this....

I absolutely love Christmas but I still find it really exhausting. The mental load is significant imo. My husband is generally really good at doing his share, but Christmas seems to end up mostly being on my plate (probably my own fault because it’s important to me and I take control). But it means I have a solid couple of months of thinking about who we need to buy presents for, what they will want, what we are going to eat and when (vegetarians, so we don’t really do roasts), when are we going to decorate, are we hosting a party, when am I making the Christmas cake, do I need to do my own mincemeat, do we need to send Christmas cards, have we booked enough Christmas activities for our child (or too many?!), etc. etc.

As I said I do love it and I mostly have happy Christmas memories. But it takes a lot of work to create ‘Christmas magic’ even if that work is generally rewarding. I’ve learned to scale back my plans in order to make sure I actually enjoy the season - I have in the past been guilty of taking on too much and ruining it for myself by being knackered.

I also think that this work is frequently undertaken by women without a lot of understanding or recognition from spouses and kids that it takes as much work as it does. I feel very appreciated in my family but I think that is the exception not the rule. It is very easy to get burned out if you’re killing yourself to produce a magical Christmas and nobody is recognising and expressing appreciation for that effort.

I absolutely love Christmas, but as a primary school teacher the run up is completely manic and exhausting, and this year we don't break up until the 22nd, so how the hell my own Christmas is going to happen I really don't know...especially as I'm always ill at the end of term.

And by the the number of thanks I’ve received for my handmaiden comment already, I see plenty agree with me.

Aww bless.

I didn't realise people were bothering with the thanks thingy cos no fucker has thanked me

I think a lot of people take on additional stress they don’t need to. One of my friends does a book advent for her kids, which was fine when they were small but is now costing a fortune. The children don’t need this. They get enough at Christmas.

I remember the last time i went to my BIL/SILs and SIL was having a full on meltdown. She was complaining she had been up till 4am cleaning and her children had her up at 6am. Her children were late teens and she doesn’t work
Everything she made was ready made but still had a meltdown about the cooking and refused all help. It was like she wanted to create stress and drama.

I think a lot of people take on additional stress they don’t need to.

Spot on. It’s a day that involves a special meal and exchanging gifts in this house. It involves no more “mental load” than a birthday here.

This is completely disingenuous and untrue though isn't it.

All this pretending there's no pressure on women to make Christmas special is just embarrassing. It's not my situation but I'm not going to pretend it's not the reality for many just because I can opt out.

No it isn’t untrue. You clearly missed that I defined my Christmas. You can make it special without being a martyr.

I don't feel it because I do what I want to do and enjoy it BUT I totally understand the pressure on other people, we are all different and I can understand how challenging it would be to try and live up to the expectations if it's not something you are keen to do, or have other barriers like finances, grief etc.

It's basic empathy.....

*not keen

I think it’s the materialist bollocks that upsets me about Xmas. The more more more-ness of it. I refuse to do an elf because it’s a big pile of shite so I get mithered about it every year by my dc. Xmas Eve boxes - more shite no one needs. Piles of presents no one really wants, piles of food everyone feels sick from eating. Yes you can do your own thing and just have your carrot but you are surrounded and bombarded with messages about what a good Christmas is meant to look like, what a happy family is meant to look like, what a good mum is meant to be doing at Christmas and it’s stressful trying to do it and it’s stressful trying to ignore it.

There’s a circle in hell open for the people that came up with the elf on a shelf bollocks and room for everyone who perpetuates it 😁

Yes but, what I do not understand is why you bother with all that if you don't like it? You could just cut some of it out entirely.

I have lots of empathy for people who do not like/feel stressed about Christmas due to health issues or trauma (of any type). I have less for people who martyr themselves to try and live up to what they think other people’s expectations are of a “perfect” Christmas

Christmas Cards, elves on the shelf, home baked cookies, presents for extended family you never see outside of December etc can all be dropped if you really wanted to

It was the lockdown Christmas that ended up liberating me from loads of the stress - I made a rash promise to DC that they could have any kind of food / activity etc possible for Christmas Day, to compensate for not being allowed to see people. They immediately said no to traditional dinner (I was delighted) and pyjamas all day. We’ve carried that on, apart from shorter non-mealtime visits to extended family, and I am a billion times more relaxed.

It's not the extras to make it special that make it special that is the stressful part, its the bloody basics!

School/nursery stuff - nativity, school disco, whatever else
Work nights out/secret Santas etc
Arranging to see all the family necessary in a way that makes everyone happy
Presents, for kids, partners, family, teachers, those who buy for you etc
Food. So much food.
Decorations, tree etc
Santas grotto visit

I'd say that was a fairly basic list for most families. There's no handmade this or that, no elves, no special keeping up with the Joneses. Just normal Christmas with a family, and it involves loads of thought and preparation and time and effort. You can't really opt out of most of that without it being a bit shit for the kids especially.

I like it all, I love this time of year but parts of it are very stressful and cumulatively it is a lot when you have a normal family life and job etc to be dealing with.

Its pretty annoying for people to say I'm somehow bringing that on myself, choosing to be OTT or whatever.

Self imposed stress 🤷

I love it all. I especially love the build up, I do feel sad when it's over and I miss the decorations etc when they come down.

I try to be organised but it's not always possible, I use to think when the kids were younger it was a tiny bit stressful getting the right toys but looking back it was the easiest time, because they did lists and you knew exactly what to get, could get the list wrote early and be organised, not like when they're older and don't want anything and a voucher or cash looks shit.

I love cooking so actually love ensuring everyone has their favourite foods.

The only thing I think stresses me out would be some of my in-laws who bang on Dec 1st start a major hint drop to come to ours and stay over, they do love a sleepover 🙄 I've 7 here so plenty to look after and you wouldn't see them cross your doorstep any other time of the year, they don't even wish you a happy birthday so I'm not feeding them .

By approaching the holiday season with the strategic mindset of a military officer, you can navigate Christmas preparations with efficiency, minimize stress, and ensure a more enjoyable and meaningful celebration for yourself and those around you. Remember that the true spirit of the season lies in connection, gratitude, and shared moments of joy.

One significant aspect contributing to the problem or exacerbating the issues during the holiday season is the tendency for individuals to rush through their tasks, overextend themselves by taking on too many duties, and procrastinate, often leaving crucial responsibilities until the last possible moment.

For us Christmas means family staying with us (which is always stressful) and we have a lot of added stresses this year. But, dh and I share that stress so it’ll be fine. I’m be got an assignment deadline for my masters just before Christmas so that might tip me over the edge but I appreciate that’s not normal for most people.