To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

"Buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house, and cooking a dinner" are not stressful as standalone tasks, no.

But surely you are able to view them in the context of what else is going on in life?

I do shift work for NMW. I leave the house at 6.20am and get home at 11pm, four days a week. Unfortunately for me, my wrapping of presents doesn't involve a film and a glass of wine. It's often done at midnight/1am, a little at a time, because my alarm is set for 5.30am and I do need some sleep ahead of a 15 hour shift.

OP, you might not 'get' it, but its a bit disingenuous to not try and put yourself in the shoes of other people who do.. a little empathy wouldn't go amiss.

I dont get burnout, but its only because like you i enjoy christmas, i don't spend more than i can afford and i don't pay attention to other peoples expectation.
People get what they get, and they can like it or lump it. If they don't like it, its a them problem.

I'm too old and too disabled to do christmas any other way than how i like it, and my family are very much the same.

Other people aren't so lucky, or have awful families they feel the need to appease.

Any one job isn't stressful.
But if people are already very busy then adding the 50 xmas jobs on top could be stressful, it's obvious isn't it?

If everyone moaning about consumerosm actually toned down their consumerism... There would be results, you know

I'm too busy being burnt out from the rest of the year to notice the Christmas burn out 🔥

Because of adult stepchildren and my own extended family I end up running a B and B for three weeks. It is not fun.
Fortunately this year I have cancer so if family want to see us they will have to make the effort to host.

It is down to general attitude. Some people dont cope well with anything. Some people like to moan and act like martyrs. Some people treat their husbands like children. Some people actively choose to do things in the most difficult and stressful way. Some people leave everything until the very last minute. Some people live in very dysfunctional homes that you take away the normal family routine they cannot deal with each other and it is row after row after row. Some people put all the emphasis on one impossibly perfect day.

For most people, Christmas can be as easy or difficult as they choose to make it. Lots of Christmas stuff is optional

Those that have a “keeping up with the Jones’” view of Christmas are likely to be the ones that enjoy it least

Personally it is my favourite time of year, but it’s because I go home and spend time with family. We will have a nice meal but not have a meltdown if there are not three types of potatoes

The run up to Christmas is part of the fun in my opinion

I don't understand all the stress either. I work full time but I take a few days off before Xmas and spend them with my DS 😊

I get time to bake and cook decent food. Roast turkey is easy, even for a rubbish cook like me. Sausages, roasties, sprouts & bread sauce. And gravy. Keep it basic and it's not difficult.

I love decorating the house and generally doing silly cheerful stuff.

I like seeing my friends (who wouldn't). We have open house for the week before Xmas and anyone is welcome to drop by. But there's no pressure. Anyone who drops in gets a coffee & mince pie or home made soup, granary bread and a small glass of something festive.

Wrapping doesn't matter, it only gets torn off. And thankfully I don't have the kind of relatives who whine about presents if they aren't quite right. Just seeing people is enough. And I don't do Insta photos. Our Christmas is ours and I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. We're happy and together, that is what matters.

I see what you mean - but it doesn’t have to be like this. I love Christmas but I’m not on Facebook or instagram so it has absolutely nothing to do with expectations for me. I just love the family gatherings, Carol services, tree lights etc. Folks just need to do what suits them best and don’t follow trends or silly expectations - and don’t set high standards of cleaning, table settings etc. I go with ‘good enough’ and accept offers of help with dishes, games etc. Everyone pitches in to help and it’s fine to go for a walk/escape etc - we don’t insist that everyone joins in games etc Keep it chilled out.

The waste and the consumerism make me feel hugely anxious. My anxiety starts around now and lasts until Boxing Day. If we could get rid of the presents I would love the day itself - the food, the decorations (always same ones used every year here) are brilliant. But the sheer insanity of the amount of money that people feel compelled to spend on utter shit does my head in.

Oh and before anyone suggests that I stop doing presents, it was close on the biggest row I ever had with my mum and sister when I suggested that. And I wasn’t even suggesting that I didn’t get them anything, just that they wouldn’t get me anything!!

Yes, YABU. All you've done is list what you do and how you approach Christmas with no mention of different circumstances, or acknowledgement that people have different levels of stress elsewhere in their lives.

My dad was diagnosed with a terminal, degenerative, debilitating illness last December and is now approaching end stage. Last year I really struggled to get motivated or organised to do the things I normally love like shopping/elf on the shelf/decorating around work, managing my mum's grief and difficult behaviour. And I feel equally burnt out and exhausted about thinking about it this year. I'm organised and have a DH who does his share so I don't ever really get worn out by the life admin, laundry, PE kit stuff I read about on here but I do have the imagination and empathy to realise that people have different circumstances. If you really don't get why people might have festive burnout, just ask, rather than smugly posting about online shopping and big glasses of wine while wrapping presents like none of us have ever thought of that before!

Again- I see what you mean. Our wider family have made a conscious effort recently to buy no ‘crap’ - no novelty stuff. Most of the older generation prefer food & drink treats, restaurants or theatre vouchers etc. Both sides of our wider family reuse tree lights and decorations- I hadn’t realised until recently that some folks buy new every year - why??? Surely you can store them somewhere?

I'm like you. I love it. I do most of the shopping online and wrap the presents of a night watching a film. DH cooks the dinner.
The burnout for me, can come from constant social events, in addition to everything else. So, it seems like everyday I have to remember to buy something/wrap something/buy tickets for something/book something/sort out party clothes for everyone and be somewhere. And all with a jolly attitude and remembering to move the elf!
So I sort of do long for the quite period between Christmas and New year, so we can just chill out and enjoy it.
So whilst I love it all really, I get why some people get completely overwhelmed by it all.

It’s exhausting if you’re not into it😐

Actually, all of it is optional. I don't 'do' Christmas at all.

Our Christmas is very un-stressful because when we've hosted its only been for 1 or 2 extra people so not trying to feed an army using one oven and a pasting table in the lounge because the dining table is too small.
Other years we are catered for at IL's.
Only buy presents for 9 people plus each other (but 6 are married couples so main present is usually a shared voucher/tickets of some sort) if you had cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, parents, loads of kids it would be much harder.
Also majority of presents bought online from the comfort of my bed/sofa.

Some really oh well I’m ok Jack i love Christmas and all the extra things we do type responses on here. Surely people aren’t so obtuse as to not understand others circumstances which lead to burnout.

Not everyone can take time off

Not everyone has other people to share
the load.

Not everyone enjoys Christmas for many reasons but try to put on a front for their kids or family sake

People are financially struggling Christmas is a huge worry.

So many don’t have time for all the additional jobs, they may already have other responsibilities that take up that time

Modern expectations can be crazy! It’s not that difficult to understand not everyone enjoys Christmas.

I’m very sorry to read that, Distantsky.

I went through that over 30 years ago with my mum and I’m thinking of you.

This.

I'm neither a man nor a handmaiden but think a lot of women stress themselves out at Christmas trying to make things perfect when no-one else much cares if there aren't 4 different types of cream to go with Mince pies.

And some like my sister, get a bad case of martyrdom at Christmas. She'll complain about cooking the Xmas lunch being stressful while doing 3 types of meat, 4 variations of potatoes and 10 veg then complain all through lunch that she's not hungry after cooking all this food.

Sounds like you’re already cutting it down to just what you can manage and that’s why you find it manageable.

A lot of people find themselves stuck with quite a lot more. Schools seem to make a lot of work for mothers (and it usually is mothers) around Christmas- the M and S add referenced this with the giant snowman the woman was making at midnight. Cards are something I ditched years ago. And then lots of families are v demanding about what you need to do on the day - not just a scaled up lunch.

Workplace Christmas parties etc also take a toll for some.

I thought it was quite funny the way the man’s main Christmas sacrifice was putting a homemade Angel on the tree - not actually doing anything 😂

Also if you’re taking on extra work/ an additional job to pay for the “stuff”, it takes away the time to do stuff!

I find having to buy gifts really stressful, shopping is not fun for me. I’m neurodiverse (autism & adhd), I am an over thinker, I have social anxiety and worry about whether people will like the gifts, I never know what to buy people, I start going into a spiral where I think I will give someone a gift they hate and they will then hate me and it will effect our relationship forever and I will end up bitched about and hated by all my friends. I get super stressed worrying I am going to ‘fail’ at Christmas. No matter how I try I also struggle to get organised, I’m a teacher so already working long hours and can’t get to the shops at quiet times but my autism means I struggle in crowds so I feel like I’m always trying to buy gifts last minute which is super stressfuL.

I even struggle with things like wrapping gifts (think I likely have dyspraxia) and I have an eating disorder (bulimia) which tends to be much worse over Christmas and adds extra stress. I also don’t get on particularly well with my family, dad died a few years ago and relationship with my mum is strained, so Christmas is quite an emotive time as everyone else around me gets excited to play happy families. I’m single and childless so don’t always have anyone to spend it with which makes me feel embarrassed and like a failure, or I will be spending it with family who I don’t get on well with which means the day ends up feeling tense, strained and miserable.

To be honest I find the whole Christmas period to be awful, I dread it every year and can’t wait until it’s over. Just because you don’t find it stressful doesn’t mean it’s the case for everyone, and having money or reading the guardian doesn’t man families aren’t effected by things like neurodiversity, mental health difficulties, difficult family dynamics, eating disorders, bereavements or the many other factors outside of money that can make Christmas and the pressure society put on women especially to make it ‘perfect’ a really awful time.