To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

What are you talking about? Do you not understand how the Thanks function works?

If you can see clapping hands on my post that’s because YOU thanked me.

No. It's stressful and frankly just more of the soul destroying shit that I do day in and day out.

I used to enjoy it when the DC were small. But they are selfish teenagers now.

I don't enjoy having my miserable old mil around interfering and just clogging up my house with her negative carcass.

If we could pare it back, less gifts, less faff on the day etc then I'd probably enjoy it again.

I did not. I am on my mobile and do not see that. I thought you comment was hideously misogynistic and certainly would not be doing any thanking.

Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch?

But it's not just Christmas dinner, is it? It's all the other catering and paraphernalia that comes with having house guests.

I have been 'doing' Christmas for the past 20 years. My fault for having the biggest house. Every year I have 15 for Christmas dinner - including elderly parents and kids. Who also have to eat for other days they are here. That's a LOT of food to buy. It's taken 20 years but I am kind of at burnout this year, tbh.

I love seeing my family, but I'm really tired of doing Christmas and wish I could have the autonomy to just go somewhere and have someone do it for me. (^^ The Budapest trip sounds heaven!)

I tell myself that every year could be my elderly relatives' last and it would be a bit grim for the kids if I just upped and left. So I crack on and hope that when my turn comes to be free to up and go to wherever I want for Christmas, I won't be too old and knackered to do so.

I have to say I find it super easy too but I am cognisant of the fact many don’t (let’s just remove the financial strain for a sec). For me it takes me a couple of hours to put the decs up., done

buy most presents online. Wrapping, again, maybe takes a couple of hours.

buy and make the Xmas dinner (I make a roast every Sunday so it really isn’t any different to me except there may be 10 people to cook for on Xmas day rather than the usual 3 of us on Sundays). Everyone on the day helps to lay the table, clean up etc.

honestly, to me, I’ve never found it a big deal. But then I don’t do things to make my life harder like try and make homemade gifts/decorations/ mince pies etc. I used to watch my (naturally highly stressed) mum get so so stressed In the weeks before Xmas to make sure everything was perfect. Absolutely pointless; and her stress about it used to make her ill. Im
much more naturally chilled about things like this thank goodness

we always have a wonderful Xmas day too

If the thanks button is showing in bold then you may want to go back and unthank me ☺️

I don’t think you understand what misogynistic means.

I think I’d just rather do something else with the time I’ve got.

I don’t do extras, I split everything with DH, I don’t have a large family. I just would rather spend my time on something else, but it’s necessary, to some extent, to do the work, for the sake of other people.

Why are you buying presents for adults?

Nobody is forcing you to host. What if you said no? Would the world come crashing down?

Every year, I am triggered and retraumatised by Christmas and it starts in October.

Horrible memories of being a child and my mum being beaten black and blue by my step dad and hearing the screams.

The stress of trying to organise putting up a tree and decorations.

Everywhere shoving it down your throat to be merry and to reconcile with abusive family members. The guilt!

Being a broke single mother after fleeing a 10 year abusive relationship and buying secondhand toys to wrap up for Christmas.

Absolutely every part of Christmas being down to me, the mother. Cooking, present buying, wrapping. It is never ending and soul destroying.

Kids going mad for expensive toys you absolutely cannot afford or have room for.

Thinking about how Christmas should be, according to adverts, songs, films and failing to come close to it.

Just horribly forced and overwhelming.

Autism, PTSD and anxiety disorders on top!

I cannot obviously, I cannot see or access a thanks function and assume I am not alone as others will also be on phones. So the thanks obviously means very little if it looks like I thanked you. As I say, it is not possible for me to thank anyone deliberately.

I do understand misogyny very well thank you and as you can see from other comments, I am not alone in pointing out the inherent misogyny in the term handmaiden. It is a hateful way to talk of other women.

Why are you dealing with them at Xmas then? You're choosing that.

Then why are you scrolling back to look for thanks?

It’s not hateful to challenge people who think women should happily do the wifework of Christmas with no complaints. It’s sad that you think that.

Furthermore, this year dh and I have decided not to celebrate Christmas at all from now on, and instead we are celebrating Yule on the 21st, as we are both pagans. A bit of nice baking, maybe make a holly wreath, enjoy a lovely meal and a ritual in the garden to welcome the return of the sun.

@SwordToFlamethrower I'm sorry. Christmas is a hard time of year.

All the posters who are all "what's the fuss, it's just a few presents and yummy food/snuggles/time off/just ignore everyone" - do you struggle with empathy/imagination in general? Can you understand why dealing with complicated and difficult family situations, bereavement etc, whilst also trying to keep things happy for young children, whilst also working in a job with long hours, might make people feel a bit stressed?

And shopping is fun

Well there you have it - I hate shopping , I hate busy shops even more

Have you come across the idea that people are different and feeling forced to do stuff you hate is very stressful

Replace the shopping with something you dislike- listening to bagpipes for example - and then imagine how you would feel having to go out of your way, pay loads of money, just to listen to bagpipes

This sounds like hell to me. And I say this as someone who usually likes Christmas (although for many, mostly minor reasons, I can’t really be arsed this year). But to be doing that from now until February almost brings me out in hives. Just no!

Personally, I love it. I love decorating the house, I love preparing the food (but I really enjoy cooking) and I love choosing and wrapping gifts.

I'm already excited about watching Christmas films, sitting indoors with the Christmas tree lights on, writing my Christmas cards, getting together with friends and family, work Christmas parties—the lot! I don’t have a lot of money but I really enjoy making things and many Christmas activities don’t have to cost a lot.

I suppose it’s rubbish for people who don’t actually enjoy the season but to be honest it’s the time of year I look forward to the most!

I find Christmas stressful because it's also the run up to the busiest time of year for me at work. So most of my friends and family have the busy run up to the day itself, and then get to enjoy the day and then the relatively less stressful aftermath as they make their way into the new year.

I have the kids birthdays (close to Christmas), followed by Christmas day itself, all preceded by trying to get ahead of myself for Financial Year End, and as soon as the day itself passes I then have to go back to work and work over the New Year to get the financials in for a silly deadline, meaning I often work new years eve day, and new year's Day and any weekends around it.

I don't get the drama either. Christmas is the laziest snugglie time of year. We usually have about a month off

Jesus wept. Read back what you've just written! You "don't get" why Christmas is stressful for some people? Has it genuinely not occurred to you that most people don't have the luxury of taking a full month off work to be "lazy"? Presumably those complaining about it being stressful are not spending weeks on end on the sofa watching films.

I find personally not martyring yourself (as taught to by my mother) helps. What also helps is that I buy for four people; husband, mother, daughter and friends daughter, am an only child married to an only child with an only child. Husband does a Christmas Eve buffet for the three of us and Christmas dinner which is us plus one mum and one dad.

And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out.

I love shopping and I love buying people gifts - but only when I have money.

Christmas can be stressful because there is so much expense.
You want to get your loved ones nice gifts that they want but you are struggling to find anything in your budget.

I do enjoy Christmas but I know for a fact if I had more money I would enjoy Christmas more.

I also have a mother who tries to make everything about her and doesn’t like not being the centre of attention, so that’s always fun.

Oh I quite agree that it doesn't have to be / shouldn't be like this. But societal pressure is a thing, and if the imagery you're seeing on social media/adverts/tv shows is that happy Christmas = huge amounts of effort, that is hard to resist.

It would certainly be easier if people didn't feel the need to conform with things, but it's human nature in the main part to want to keep up with the Jones. Like kids taking up smoking because the cool kids are doing it, or keeping up with fashions rather than just wearing what you yourself prefer, or pre-teen girls wanting hugely expensive make up as a gift or whatever!

I think that most decisions are not made in a vacuum, and most people are susceptible to wanting to conform with societies expectations of them, and Christmas is (in my view) a case in point because it uses the guilt of your kids not having a good enough time to persuade you to buy in to more and more stress!

I think if people had a month off then they would definitely enjoy it more!

I don't even have kids & love Christmas but I still find the run up exhausting!

Thinking of what to buy people, ordering it so I have it time for when I see them, writing cards, I have about 3 works Christmas do's, about 3 friends Christmas do's! Trying to make sure the house is clean & tidy!

Hair, nails etc etc it's all nice stuff but it's all extra stuff on top of keeping up your gym routine, normal life & a busy full-time job!

DH doesn't really get involved, buys me what I ask for & turns up at the do's but it's me deciding what to buy for who & what we're going to eat!

Maybe it's all the decisions that are exhausting! 🤣

Work is always busy too as we shut down for 2 weeks so everyone wants everything done before we close!

Christmas Eve onwards is bliss but now til then is really busy!