To not understand Christmas burnout?

[EmptyYoghurtPot]

Lots of discussion online re:the M & S Christmas advert. Many referencing ‘Christmas burnout’ and how hard it is for women etc As a self confessed crazy Christmas lady I can not get my head round why it’s so stressful? I can understand if people are struggling finance wise but the discussion I saw was on The Guardian page so the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful. Surely Christmas dinner is just a scaled up version of Sunday lunch? And shopping is fun - can do it online if you don’t like going out. Wrapping presents can be a bit boring but stick a film on, grab a wine and it doesn’t take that long. Am I just blinded by the twinkly lights or does everyone else just long for Boxing Day?

I think your feelings about The Thing play into this so much. You love Christmas (I love Christmas too) so it doesn't stress you because you see that you get to do this rather than you have to do this. For someone who hates Christmas though, none of the things you mentioned are fun things, they are just more chores
Change Christmas for say running as The Thing. My mate loves a long run. Says it great for her mental health, she gets endorphins, it clears her head. For me running does none of that. I hate every single step, which I count down until the very last one. I cannot comprehend someone talking about it in remotely favourable terms. If I extrapolate that into Christmas terms I really understand the folks who just want it to be over a lot more.

It doesn’t matter if you love Christmas and are organised (I am both), if you can’t wrap your head around why an event requiring a lot of organising, with a lot of moving parts, logistics, planning, timing and spending etc is stressful for some people, then that’s ridiculous. The above are all reasonably stressful things, whether you’re good at them or not.

I always kept it simple...more so now DD is an adult (don't "do" Christmas anymore.). When it comes down to it, nobody actually cares if (generic), you have spent weeks agonising over what to get/buy/do. If somebody is disappointed because they've not got a card/gift/6 roast potatoes instead of 5, then that's on them.

As the saying goes...no-one should set themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.

Do you work full time OP? Do you have an unequal relationship where your DH does sweet fa?

Sounds amazing have fun!

We make it last a month, but otherwise same attitude as you, no fuss no visiting no invites to come round. See you first week of Jan we are hibernating.

I do everything for Christmas and don't find it stressful because I get properly organised and really enjoy it. DH would be happy to cook Christmas Dinner but I love doing it so I don't take him up on the offer. I imagine if you don't enjoy Christmas it's pretty stressful though.

I don’t normally say this but you do you.

Is it that difficult to imagine that people don’t get energised but feel exhausted by the whole thing? To dress the house. Elf on Shelf. Ensuring that everyone is having a fun time. I hate all the tat. Work Christmas party. Travelling around the country to fit everyone in because Christmas. As someone who’d rather curl up with a good book in winter, am extremely glad when it’s over. In fact, I’d love to go away to somewhere hot but can’t do that to my children.

When you are working full time, running the household and parenting there isn't that much spare time to fit in the christmas stuff.

Now I would find that seriously stressful. I'd be climbing the walls after the first 10 minutes of "snuggling".

I just treat Christmas Day as an ordinary day - I will be working on C. Eve and Boxing Day (gladly) so it really isn't a big deal. I used to do more when the DC were children, but have never been organised about it because I'm just not organised. I was always wrapping things for the DC at 3AM on Christmas Eve. If Elf on the Shelf had been a thing when they were little, I'd have lost him after the first day.

If you ignore the consumerism it’s quite a nice time of year. Many people can’t though, for a variety of reasons.

The older you get, the easier it is to say ‘nah’ and spend your time how you like. I used to find it a bit stressful, but now it’s pretty simple and easy. Simple being the part That leads to easy.

i would really like it if we could stop starting Christmas in September though. There shouldn’t be anything Christmassy until advent starts at least.

This is bollocks. Different people enjoy different things! I love planning gifts, wrapping then listening to Christmas music with a wee glass of wine. I love the decorating. I love making the pudding and cake, the mincemeat for my pies etc. It all builds up towards the stuff we do on Christmas eve, when everyone is excited. I love the morning with the children being delighted, our decadent breakfast, pottering about sticking things in the oven (I prep everything before, so the dinner is easy). I find it easy and super fun.

I do appreciate that others feel differently, but I am quite capable of deciding what I find difficult or easy myself and am neither a man nor a handmaiden!

I am fortunate not to find Christmas stressful, but that’s because I have a tiny family (just me, DH and DS) and we don’t bother with decorations beyond a tree, and everyone’s a fussy eater so we just make pizza.

I’m sure I would find it a massive pain in the arse if I had to deal with extended family and lots of cooking and cleaning and organising and people getting offended if their gifts weren’t sufficiently thoughtfully chosen or nicely wrapped and all the other stuff that goes on.

I had a wee scroll back to check I was not going mad when I read that!

Do you really not understand it OP? You might not find it stressful, but surely you can fathom why some people do?

There is alot of pressure put on Christmas. Having a lovely, happy time with family. Presents and socialising and joy.

You may say, well just don't do it. Scale it back. Do what makes you happy. But the very act of rejecting expectations (real or perceived) is stressful for some people. It's not as simple as just say no. It's pressure. And it's often on women.

Great you don't feel stressed. But some people do and it's rather smug to suggest you 'don't understand it'.

I hate cooking and don't ever even cook sunday lunch, let alone a scaled up version.

I hate shopping even online.

I hate wrapping, it's boring, wasteful and makes my back hurt.

I hate decorating the house, just more crap to put up, take down, and then store for yet another year.

I hate spending money and time on people who I rarely see and have nothing in common with, and if they weren't family members, we'd never cross paths at all.

Does that answer your question? Yes, I am a scrooge, and I am absolutely ok with that

Doesn’t matter if you can’t see them, they’re still there 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can screenshot them if you’re desperate to doubt.

A scroll back to see what?

Massive family politics about who is spending it where. Everyone is a 4+ hour drive or a flight away. Making pets are cared for and DM (widowed, 80s) is not alone.

My time is pretty full as it is, without shoehorning in any number of school Christmas concerts, client socials, work drinks, Christmas jumper days, Christmas lights switch ons etc And of course both schools' events will be at the same time.

Massive expectation management.

Massive amounts of cooking. OL, Christmas dinner is only souped-up roast, but everyone is home for days..... and O don't eat meat, but everyone wants meat! This year I am refusing to cook 1-meat? 2-alone.

People make is hard with all the extra tat such as Christmas Eve boxes.
Just do what you want.

To see all the heaps mythical thanks. I see one set of clapping hands and even that was after your post, so had not happened when you posted.

The handmaiden comment was disgustingly misogynistic.

I find organising Christmas fun and easy. Then again, I also find it pretty easy to say no to the bits I don't like- I imagine if that's harder it's all harder.

Wifework is a mixture of real, valid efforts of women that make a big difference to enjoyment of events, and made up bullshit that is entirely the impulse of the woman concerned.

Preparing a thoughtful stocking for each guest for Christmas Day, including husband's relatives - all well and good.

The dozen odd gifts we've received from people who have never met my baby and will never meet my baby, and who in fact haven't met us - completely up to the giver.

the concerns were all about buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house and cooking the dinner. I just don’t see why any of that is so stressful.

Context is everything. It's not stressful if you have the time, money and headspace for it, but surely you realise that some peoples day to day lives are already inherently stressful? In which case, Christmas means adding to an already too full plate.

I love Christmas, but there's no denying it takes work, and I'm already juggling a busy job and 2 DC with SEND. The shopping, the wrapping, the visitors, all the school events and social invitations are all an 'add on' to my usual mental load, but I'm in privileged position compared to many as we're financially comfortable and DH does his fair share. I try to reduce the pressure on myself by resisting the pressure to volunteer at school Christmas events, not sending Christmas cards, suggesting to relatives that we just buy for the kids etc and have been criticised for this in the past. Fortunately, I couldn't give a shit! 😄 But I can see why some women feel pressured or guilt-tripped into keeping everyone happy to their own detriment.

My main issue with Christmas is not shopping or cooking.

It's having to deal with difficult extended family that I can keep at arms length for the rest of the year. It's making sure that as many possible friction points as possible are covered. It's emotionally exhausting, not physically exhausting.

If I had a lovely family and it was just a bit of extra shopping, it would hardly register.