to turn down a wedding invite, because kids are not allowed?and to say the truth of why we are not going?

[milkgoddess]

cousins wedding in july, should we make up a reason why we will not be going or just simply state the truth, in a thats fine if thats what you want to do[not invite kids], we won't be attending but congratulations and hope you have a great day.

and no i do not want to go without dd.

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Well, I'll take that as a compliment, as I most certainly would take a noisy toddler/baby out of something like that. Just rude not to, and embarrassing to boot!

Fair point.

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Hhhmmm..... seems some parents are just blind to everyone else around them There is just a time and a place right?

Ok, ok, I still feel rather strongly about this one, but will have to admit defeat on one or two points.
Shame though.

I just think weddings should be all-inclusive.

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MotherFunk, I am just rather oldfashioned and sure, a wedding is baout the two people getting married, but also about their families/friends around them,...

Yes, odd for my DH to get offended, and he does have a tendency to get on his high horse about certain things, I'll admit..... and, he is German and went on and on and on and on and on about how this would NEVER appear on an invite there......

Not read the thread. Just send a nice card saying thanks very much for the invitation, unfortunately you will be unable to attend. All the best for a lovely day and a fantastic future together.

Don't get drawn into any debate. You are not challenging them for not inviting DD, and neither should they be challenging you for not attending the wedding. It's up to you just as it is up to them about who they ask

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Ah, most people would take noisy babies and troublesome toddlers out of a wedding would they ?
My sister is a registrar.
She can tell you stories to makes your eyes goggle. The one of the woman at the front changing babies nappy during the vows is my fav - and it wasn't just wet......

...and just one other thing, while I'm on my soapbox..

Don't you think that if said cousin invites you to their wedding, on a FRIDAY, where all your family are (ie, the possible childcare solution), without your children,.... they are completely self-centred and incapable of working out how hard it might be for ALL GUESTS to find a solution allowing them to attend, who undoubtedly will either be stay at home parents, or usually be at work that day.... thereby suggesting they are not particularly fussed if you can make it or not anyway....

Have to admit, I would still bend over backwards to be able to go,... like the mug that I am, and hold my tongue....
It is 'their day' after all right? Just not a decision I would make for my own wedding.

ummm bergen
speaking of self centred...
why would you bend over backwards to go? Would it just not be the same if you weren't there?

Ho ho..... (!)

Alright, no, I meant I'd bend over backwards because weddings are fun..... and it would be a shame to miss it!!

• and yes, sure, it just would not be the same without me.....

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Well, clearly I am outnumbered on this one.

It IS none of my business, youre right, and when the invite came out initially, I thought the same as you.... my DH has probably swayed my viewpoint slightly, pointing out other cultures and their approach to these things. I cannot imagine an Italian wedding invite saying 'no children' for example (I await millions of posts now telling me different!)

Of course people can do what they like, but I would personally never expect people to take a day off to come to my wedding, or fork out for babysitters... Sure, people can choose to come or not, but I would want to make it is a feasible as possible, so that as many people as I invited could come if they wanted to.
I would also consider things like ease of travel, how easy would it be to get to?, will people without cars be able to get decent public transport links. Bla bla bla.

There will always be people who don't want to come, for whatever reason,...
But you send out invites to people because you want them to come, not because you hope they won't. Surely? No?

and I was NOT suggesting that of course everyone wants me at their wedding. She would not have noticed if I was there or not, I am quite sure, nice to be asked....

Argh. Barage of attack. I'm actually quite a reasonable person, honestly!!

Bergen, as you have stated - it is really none of your business. But as I currently have a wedding related 'issue' arising in my RL I can relate to some of your frustrations.

In my case, it is not that I think the bride and groom should change their plans and not have the wedding in teh middle of no where, in a youth hostel where everyone (including children - who ARE invited I might add) will have to sleep in a dormitory. But I do think that Bridezilla exists (well Groomzilla in this case) and often couples get so engrossed in how they would ideally like it, that they don't consider what effect their choices will have. People should have it the way they want, but shouldn't lose sight of whether some of the choices they make will allow how they pictured it to happen.

And I sympathise with people not feeling able to 'just say no' for various reasons e.g. DH is best man in my case.

Well... I don't think that there is anything wrong in taking into account the needs or preferences of guests when organising a wedding.
And if you're not (i.e. a weekday or no children or long distance away), then you have to expect that some people may not be able to come, however much they would have wanted to be there, or however much you would want them there. I mean, I assume that in asking people to your wedding, you actually want them to come? or feel that their presence would be valued?
So basically, while there is nothing stopping anyone from organising a party/a wedding/any event at a time/place/day/in a manner that suits them, they should equally be aware that not everyone would be able to attend.

bergan, why are they or did they, have it on a friday? was it because it was somewhere expensive and it was a way to get it a bit cheaper?

suppose to be fair when your madly in love and you do not have kids, you just don't think about others, well some don't

Suppose it may have been marginally cheaper, although it was not anywhere particularly fancy... just the local registry office / town hall, which happened to be quite a nice building. I've since had a look online, and the difference (in the overall cost of a wedding) is pretty small.
Again, fair point though.

Yes, you're right, if you don't have children, why would you want everyone else's running around ruining the ambience for you?

It's just a shame that weddings seem to have to be so 'exclusive' these days.
I blame the wedding service providers, who as soon as they hear the word 'wedding' slap an exorbitantly higher price on everything.

bergan, don't you think weddings are going a bit ott these days ?

Absolutely.

It's damn near impossible to spend under 10k, dare I say 15k, unless you are having the reception in your local pub, with the neighbour making the cheese sandwiches(!)

• nothing wrong with that, I hasten to add..... but guests these days just expect so much too.

But, and I am guilty of this too, little girls imagine how they want their wedding to be one day, and then the day comes, and you have to pay an enormous amount of money for it.... all you want is to give all your friends and family a good knees-up and some yummy food.

Actually, we have decided that we are going to forego the massive 'event', as we have two children already, so the romance of 'love's young dream' is lost somewhat. We don't need to make any great statement by proving how much money can be spent.... so we are getting married very lowkey, and will just organise something at the local pub(!) for all our friends at a later date....
I think I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face, cos I really want the extravagant do, but refuse to give the wedding caterers/venue/band/flower people the satisfaction of taking me for a mug....