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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn down a wedding invite, because kids are not allowed?and to say the truth of why we are not going?

148 replies

milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 16:12

cousins wedding in july, should we make up a reason why we will not be going or just simply state the truth, in a thats fine if thats what you want to do[not invite kids], we won't be attending but congratulations and hope you have a great day.

and no i do not want to go without dd.

OP posts:
madamez · 10/03/2008 16:36

Edam, I have seen some stonking examples of breeder behaviour on here - a regular one being on child-free wedding threads where someone goes, oh, wait till they have children and they will change their minds. Maybe they won't. Maybe they don't ever intend to have any. Breeding is not inevitable or compulsory and if you don't like kids why should you have to have then at your events?

Chequers · 10/03/2008 16:42

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 16:42

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 10/03/2008 16:46

That sounds fair milkgoddess

Mr & Mrs Milkgoddess

would like to thank xxx and xxx for their kind invitation to their wedding on xxx. It is with regret that we will be unable to attend as we are, at this time, unable to leave our daghter for such a period of time.

We hope that you will accept our best wishes to you both of your special day.

HonoriaGlossop · 10/03/2008 16:47

or C) don't go but don't explain why, it doesn't have to be made into a big issue at all.

Hulababy · 10/03/2008 16:49

And don't worry about the reason. Plenty of people don't want to leave their little ones for whatever reason. Doesn't mean you are are doing anything wrong.

Anyone who choses to have a child free wedding must be prepared to have some guests unable/unwilling to attend, and they must accept that as part and parcel.

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/03/2008 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 16:57

mf i honestly wouldn't be able to enjoy it without dd.

im not being off with my cousin as it is her day,i honestly do not have a problem with her and not going, sometimes these family do's are quite wearing anyway tbh
so im honestly not cutting off my nose to spit my face at all.
id rather spend the money on something else anyway

but i know i will get it in the neck from aunt and mother, iykwim?

OP posts:
cat64 · 10/03/2008 16:57

This reply has been deleted

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Kewcumber · 10/03/2008 17:01

I have been honest about reasons why I won't go away wihtout DS before (not a wedding but a family event) - I work and my main chance to spend time with him is at weekends so at the moment I don't do stuff at weekends that doesn't include him. It may sound sappy but I just don't want to be away from him more than about 12 hours.

I'm sure that you can find a way of saying something similar nicely.

Kewcumber · 10/03/2008 17:03

HIJACK - motherfunk - I was given a Single mothers Handbook as a present recently there is a suggestion of how to deal with an overbearing grandparent undermining your decisions and I thought of you from that thread a while ago - do you want me to email/post you what they suggested to improve the situation? MAybe you've already dealt with it.

MrsDandOllie · 10/03/2008 17:12

I'd tell the truth - I'm sure they'll understand!
I RSVP'd to a wedding invite recently and said DH will be able to attend but unfortunately I wont as I dont want to leave newborn baby (children not invited and I have a 2yr old and newborn will be only 8 weeks at time of wedding)
The bride (who admitedly is more DH's friend than mine) got in touch and said she understood and thought it was lovely of me to not mind DH going without me.
I think it is perfectly acceptable btw for people not to invite kids to their wedding, just as I find it perfectly aceptable to not attend as a guest if you'd rather not leave your kids!

MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 18:36

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 19:28

well if you wanted to be like that with your cousin thats your choice.
personally i don't think its an adults only thing, but each to their own an all that !

but personally yes i would prefer to spend my weekend with my dh and dd.
can't understand who wouldn't, but then again dd is only 8 months and im still in that head over heel in love with her stage. so maybe in a few years ill be gagging to get a break.
we'll see.

so, we are going to tell the truth and spend the money we would of spent on the wedding and have a nice little break away.
dd. dh and me
ahhh lovely .....

everyones a winner!!!

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 19:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 19:37

not really, just trying to figure out if i should lie and make an excuse, or just be honest but nice about it.

thanks for the good wishes though, im sure we will have a great weekend away

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 10/03/2008 19:39

This simply isn't an issue round my area.

Children are never invited to weddings unless they are family. ie: Your sister got married so your kids were at the wedding. Your next door neighbours were at the wedding, but their kids weren't.

I got an invite lately to a friend's wedding in Dundee. My children were invited also & I was shocked to see their name as we are so used to kids not being invited.

I have the invite on my windowsill & even my sister & MIL were shocked when they read that the kids were invited too!

We're not going because dh has just started a new job & the travel is costly, but we would have loved to go.

I wouldn't make the bride & groom feel bad though. They probably have an adult wedding in mind. It's costly to feed children in hotels too. My sister got married last year & each childs meal cost £12.50 each!!

Also, when my brother got married 3 years ago all the nieces & nephews on both sides were there...about 20 children altogether. When the disco started the adults complained they couldn't get space on the floor to dance as the kids had taken over. Their video was pants as all you seen on it all the time was other people's children dancing... it was a boring 90 minutes watching that!

pistachio · 10/03/2008 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 10/03/2008 19:51

MG, are you a SAHM? Or do you have to leave DD to go out to work? And were you thinking that those of us who do leave/have left our DCs to go out to events are somehow not head-over-heels in love with them too? It's your choice, of course, as to how you prefer to spend your weekends, but I would word your RSVP very carefully in case your cousin feels a little hurt that you don't rate her special day, and therefore her, highly enough to spare a few hours away, especially if childcare is not the issue.

jumpyjan · 10/03/2008 19:52

I think thats fine - have done so myself.

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 19:54

clam, i was just saying that as a new mum with a baby my feelings may change in the future. and i may be very keen to get a break! thats all!!

OP posts:
Scattybird · 10/03/2008 20:03

Wait until they have children, they will understand exactly why you didn't come then

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:04

oh ive just posted on your thread sb as you where posting on mine

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 10/03/2008 20:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster
milkgoddess · 10/03/2008 20:10

mk have you had a wedding without children or something?
as this really seems to bother you,
it wouldn't be a few hours it would be all weekend.
yes i would prefer to spend my weekends with my dh and dd, thats how we like it.

OP posts:
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